I miss you

Part Two: We’re going down, down

“I’m checking on Kevin. I want to make sure he’s okay…” Joe replied to Riley. Riley shrugged, keeping her eyes on him. Joe was feeling pressured under her gaze, so he lifted his left hand to brush some hair out of his face. Riley felt a huge pang of guilt when she noticed the always present ring on his left finger had now vanished. What had they done?

“What the fuck makes you think I want anything to do with either of you? I wish the both of you would just disappear. I can’t stand the sight of you two…” Kevin said, coming out the bathroom behind Riley. Riley stood up at the sound of his voice, turning around to face him, standing beside Joe. God, Kevin looked so good tonight she just wanted to hold him, kiss him and tell him how special he was to her. She looked over at Joe who had an immense sorrow in his eyes, a sorrow she knew she was responsible for.

“Kevin, we have to finish sound check,” Joe said with a soft voice. Kevin ripped off his tie and sat back down on the chair.

“Tell them to run a line check later, I don’t feel like going back out there.” Joe nodded and looked at Riley. It was technically her job to do the sound, so she had to inform the crew of the band’s demand. She peered back at Joe momentarily before gazing over at Kevin for another second, then left the room.

Joe was alone now in this room with his big brother. He wanted to say so many things, but Kevin had made it clear he didn’t care to hear them.

“Why are you still there?” Kevin asked, looking up at Joe with eyes burning red. Joe could see the anger bubbling inside of him, he’d never, ever imagined that he would be capable of causing pain like this to anyone. Especially family.

“Kevin, I want you to hear how SORRY I am! How much I was I could change it and turn back time. I’M SORRY!” Joe said, tossing his hands in the air out of pure frustration.

“You should’ve thought about all that BEFORE YOU FUCKED MY GIRLFRIEND!” Kevin yelled. Joe had to take a step backward. Hearing Kevin actually say it out loud for the first time was a rude awakening, it felt like Kevin was punching him in the stomach completely knocking the wind from his lungs. What he did had always been a pure fact, but this suddenly made it real. Joe looked at his bare left hand, recoiling in near horror over the promise he had made to himself and had now broken. “You’re words mean nothing to me! GET OUT!”

“Kev…” Joe tried, but couldn’t think of words anymore. Kevin was right, words were completely useless. He shook his head and left the room, walking hastily out of the venue and back to the bus. He went without any security which he knew was a stupid idea but he had to get away from people. He found himself now envying people who had nothing on their minds. He hated this feeling of having something real to think about, of having a regret to deal with…

Taking his shoes off and tossing them aside, Kevin let his chest heave in the hate that must have been radiating off of him. He hated Joe, it was true. He hated him, he was backstabbing and two faced and he obviously didn’t love Kevin or he wouldn’t have done this. He wouldn’t have gone after the single most important person in his life. The door opened and Kevin looked up to see Nick enter, holding his hands up in question.

“Can you please fill me in on what the hell is going on?” Kevin looked down at his feet.

“It’s…stupid. I promise,” he replied. Nick sat down on the back of the couch and crossed his arms.

“Dude, you are the most chill person in the world. You’re pissed and I can tell something is terribly wrong. Come on man, what are brothers for?”

“Stabbing you in the back?” Kevin answered, looking Nick right in the eyes. Nick squinted at his comment.

“What?” Kevin sighed, looking down once more. He wasn’t sure at this point that trusting anyone was even possible because if you can’t trust family…who can you trust? He looked back up, noting the genuine concern in Nick’s eyes.

“Fine…Joe slept with Riley,” he didn’t look away from Nick, he wanted to see the anger and support come into his eyes, but…it didn‘t.

“Can’t say I’m surprised.”

“What?!” Kevin stood up quickly.

“Dude, I’m only saying. The past few months they’ve been…” he saw the hurt spreading across Kevin’s eyes as he sat down in shock. “You were really that blinded by your love for her?” Kevin felt his stomach flip over again, wanting to puke more. This was making him ill. Worse than ill. He wasn’t even sure he could perform tonight.

“I…please leave me alone, Nick.” Looking at him a second longer, Nick nodded and quietly left Kevin alone with his thoughts…

Riley couldn’t help it. She was nosy about what Joe and Kevin could possibly talk about, so after she let everyone know they were going to line check later, she snuck back over to the dressing room door, leaning in to hear, but all she could make out was mumbling and the word sorry. She sighed heavily, noticing Nick out of the corner of her eye. She gave him a weak smile before leaning off the door, about to walk away when Kevin yelled “BEFORE YOU FUCKED MY GIRLFRIEND.” She did a double take at the door before throwing her hand over her mouth and leaving the venue for the bus. She was feeling nauseous and dizzy and needed to lie down. Maybe kill herself? She hadn’t decided…

Joe let his head fall back against the wall, closing his eyes as her lips slid across his neck. He ran the palms of his hands over her shoulders and down her arms. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this turned on, or even if he had ever been this turned on before, but his mind was reeling. His heart was thumping slightly out of immediate remorse over what was coming, but he found that he was caring less and less about the consequences. He pushed Riley backwards until the back of her knees collided with the couch, causing her to fall down with Joe on top. He smiled at her before pushing her chin up gently, laying butterfly kisses along her collar bone, gently running his fingers up and down her torso, tickling her in the most seductive way. Riley was squirming beneath him, gasping, feeling the wetness form in her panties…

Riley awoke with a start, hearing a door slam nearby. She sat up quickly, glancing at her watch. She had only been asleep for about ten minutes, which seemed like forever. Rolling over, she hopped down from her bunk to see who had come in to lie down. She looked at all the bunks before seeing Joe’s curtain shut tight with the dim light reflecting his shadow. Riley sighed. She hated what was happening between her and Kevin but she was longing for Joe. It had only been a week but she wanted him again. Kevin was never going to forgive her now, what more could she lose? …besides her job…and her reputation… She reached up and climbed to his bunk before knocking on the wall.

“Joe? What are you doing?” she asked, trying to sound nonchalant. The light flicked off suddenly and he held the curtain open enough for her to crawl in. Smiling slightly, Riley got in beside him in the tight space, pulling her knees to her chest, resting her chin there. She looked at Joe through the darkness. She couldn’t really see him but she could feel the heat from his body and hear the sound of his breath.

Joe didn’t really want to break the silence, he didn’t want to have sex again and he didn’t want to get caught again but he wanted to hold Riley. He really just wanted to pull her to his chest and lie down together, forgetting about all the troubles that lay just beyond the heavily graffitied bus walls. He leaned forward and slid his hands along the mattress until he felt his fingers graze her covered toes and he continued his hands’ journey up her shins and to her knees where he felt her cheek. Riley closed her eyes while she let Joe’s fingers gently touch her face. She reached her left hand up and grabbed his hands, pulling them both to her, palm’s down, leaning in to kiss his fingers. Joe pulled his legs out of sitting position and crawled closer to her, leaning in to find her lips. He couldn’t help it, it was like déjà vu. Kissing her got him in trouble last time and his resolve was weakening by the second.

Riley felt her blood begin to race around her veins, her breath shaking. Somewhere inside of her something was telling her to stop. ‘Kevin is going to come around, he’s going to forgive you’ but a larger part of her knew entertaining that was wrong because she should never be allowed to go back to him, not after what she did, not after what she was now continuing to do. Kevin deserved more.

Joe, however, was here. His lips were gently meshing with hers as he let his tongue slowly slide across her teeth, parting her mouth just enough that their tongues could touch. Riley moaned softly, Joe’s kisses were more passionate than she could have ever dreamed. He pressed her backwards and she rested her back against the wall as Joe attempted to move himself between her legs. She let him so she could wrap her legs around him. His kissing got deeper and deeper before both of them were on the edge of losing control. He ran his hand up her inner right thigh, trailing his fingers upward to the waistline of her jeans. Riley’s eyes flew open. Was she really going to make the same mistake twice? Was she mad?

“Joe…” she said, his kisses stifling her ability to talk. She reached up and press him backwards and he broke away, falling back and landing on his ass. They peered at each other through the darkness again. Joe was panting slightly, his jeans had suddenly become even tighter and he was completely uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry,” he replied, running his fingers through his hair.

“Don’t be sorry. You just know this is wrong, I can’t have sex with you again, it isn’t right.” She wasn’t over Kevin, she would only be fooling herself if she thought that. You can’t just throw a year of working at a relationship out the window, no matter how good sex with his brother was…