I miss you

Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over

Part Three: I’m just off, a lost cause

I confess, I messed up

Dropping I’m sorry like your still around

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Riley ran from the bus back into the venue, knocking frantically on the dressing room door. No one answered for a few minutes and Riley felt awkward, cold and alone. She knocked again, stepping backwards as the door opened. Nick was standing there, and she looked beyond him to see Kevin sleeping on the couch.

“Can I talk to him?”

“That’s probably not the best idea.” She could tell by the look in Nick’s eyes that he knew what happened now and he wasn’t happy with her either.

“Nick, I hope this doesn’t change out friendship…I made a mistake but I don’t want it changing us,” Riley offered. She hated upsetting people and this was no different, in fact it was worse.

“Riley…you’re cool and all but these are my brothers. I can’t pretend like I’m not hurt over what you did. You’re single handedly putting a strain on us and I don’t know what to do to fix anything.”

“Well that’s why I’m here, I want to fix it. I just want to talk to him, Nick.” Nick sighed, looking behind him to Kevin, before turning back to Riley.

“Just…give him another day or two to calm down. I just don’t really think he wants to see you right now.”

“It’s been a week! He won’t at least talk to me?” Riley was getting paranoid now. What had she done to Kevin and his brothers? How did she let this happen? It seemed like a bad dream now, this wasn’t like her at all. “Just let me try at least, please?” Nick shrugged looking back at Kevin again.

“Just don’t tell him I let you in,” he said, opening the door and letting her walk in. Riley reached up and hugged Nick out of impulse. He was being really kind and she was very appreciative.

“Thanks,” he blushed and shrugged again, shutting the door behind him. Riley quietly made her way to the couch, reaching forward and brushing hair out of Kevin’s face.

Kevin felt someone touching him and threw his arm up to swat them away, groaning and rubbing his eyes. He opened his eyes to see Riley, his sleepy mind hadn’t caught up with him yet and he smiled a little. He was dreaming about their first real date, when she kissed him for the first time and he forgot for a moment what had happened.

“Hi,” she said in response to his smile. He sat up slowly and as he did he remembered the last week and crossed his arms in defense.

“How did you get in here?”

“I knocked and no one answered but the door was open, so…how are you?” Kevin shook his head, swinging his feet to the floor, purposely not looking at her. The first time he saw her all he could remember about her was the look in her eyes, he couldn’t look at her right now because he knew the look in her eyes was the same. That same empty adoration for him that at this point he felt was a complete lie.

“How am I? That’s a loaded question, Riley,” he replied.

“I know…I just wanted to talk to you, to clear the air a little. I don’t like what any of this is doing to all of us. I still love you, you know?” Kevin couldn’t believe she just said that, he couldn’t help but to turn and glare at her. Shaking his head again he stood and walked away from her over to the chair he was sitting on earlier. Riley ran her hands through her hair and groaned. “Kevin, I’m not lying!” She was beginning to get desperate.

“You have a funny, funny way of showing that.” Riley sighed and stood walking over to him. She crouched down at the chair beside him, resting her hands on his knees.

“Kev, look at me, please.” He shook his curls out of his face and looked at her. Her eyes were still the same. That look was still there. “I’m so sorry. I…that’s not me, you know that. I just want you to forgive Joe and I. That’s all I’m asking for and if you ever want to try again I’ll be here for you, but right now I just want you to accept how sorry I am.”

“It’s not that easy! This is something that was not only important to me, but Joe and even Nick. This isn’t something that can really be taken lightly and it’s hard for me to forgive either of you. Not only for the promise Joe broke to himself but for the promise you broke to me. A year ago I asked you if you were sure this is what you wanted, if you were sure you could handle being with me but you lied and that’s almost just as bad. Almost.” Riley sat back and hugged her knees, still keeping eye contact with Kevin. She was trying so hard to find a hint of that love he had for her last week, but it wasn’t there, he just looked sad and disappointed.

“I never lied to you. I made a mistake but I never lied. I’ve been with you for a year, I’ve been celibate for you for a year because I love you and you‘re important to me. I don’t even know how it happened. It’s really like a bad dream and I wish against everything that I could change it. Joe…” she trailed off. She wasn’t really sure what she could say about Joe. For it being his first time, he was mind blowing, but she was sure that was the last thing Kevin wanted to hear.

“I really want to forgive you, I really want to pretend like it’s not a big deal but this was SO important to me. SO important and you knew that and that’s why I can’t really forgive you. You betrayed me and my beliefs. I want to go back too, but it’s impossible now. Joe can’t ever get that night back and neither can you. It’s just not going to work for me Riley.” Kevin stood and put his shoes on quickly, leaving Riley sitting on the floor, thinking…

After Riley told him no, Joe was starting to think a little more clearly. This past week had been a cloud of confusion and guilt, but Riley was the only thing that was making sense. He had to keep reminding himself to think about his brother, to think about how this was making Kevin feel and what his parents would say. Everyone would just be so disappointed, he couldn’t handle that feeling. He didn’t know what to say to Kevin to make it better, to make the pain and betrayal lessen. He laid down in his bunk, putting his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling. What made him do it? He’d been asking himself that question all week. He has always found Riley attractive but it was always in a look don’t touch way because she was interested in Kevin, not him. Once they started dated he thought he was able to get passed having a crush on her and just really be her friend and she was the most amazing, dependable friend in the world. But last week something suddenly made it okay in his mind to be more than friends. Neither of them really advanced on the other, it was just a weird planetary alignment or something beyond their control that caused it to happen…

“Riley!” Joe called from the back of the bus. She heard her name from her bunk and climbed out, walking to the back.

AN: Surprised you, no? This happened a few years ago (I mean in the real life timeline, lol). Um…we’ll see what happens next together, cos really I have no clue. Comment please!

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