I miss you

Synopsis: Riley made a mistake and broke Kevin's heart. Unfortunately, the mistake was made with Kevin's brother Joe. Is forgiveness even an option?

AN: So hey guys. Um...i know I prob shouldn't start a new story cos I still have FOUR not finished, however, i wanted to. lol. This one is about Jonas Brothers, so if you're like "oh god, no." You don't have to read it lol. I wouldn't expect you to. But if you like my writing, maybe the point of who its about its completely mute. So you might notice that this story is pretty PG, but thats cos the other place i'm posting it has strict rules about sexual content and swearing and shit so it will seem tame, but thats what Papercut and its Pedaphile storyline is for, huh? lol, enjoy if you wish! LEAVE COMMENTS!!!!!!

“Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over”

Part 1: Eighteen Going on Extinct

Joe Jonas scraped at the advertisement stickers on his laptop, thinking to himself about the past week. He didn’t mean for it to happen, in fact, he would have preferred that it didn’t. But now it was too late to change it, too late to go back. He found himself wishing Superman was real so he could ask him to run around the world a few times in order for time to skip backwards. He wasn’t even sure he could face his brother today, he felt so foolish. He hurt Kevin in the most unimaginable way, he hurt himself in a way he never thought possible. He thought he believed in will power and in the force of faith, but he was questioning everything now. The bus went over a bump in the road, knocking Joe out of his trance just in time to see Kevin approaching the back room. Joe felt his face go red as he diverted his eyes from Kevin’s, looking back down and the half peeled sticker leaving sticky gunk in it’s partial removal.

“I need my sweatshirt, you’re sitting on it,” Kevin said, his tone void of any kind of emotion. He sounded neither mad or sad, he just sounded empty. Joe stood and let Kevin pull his shirt away before leaving the area, shutting the door behind him with a little more force then necessary.

Upon seeing Joe, Kevin felt the bile rise in his throat again. He thought the one person in the world he could trust with his brother, someone who he thought he knew well. It turned out that he didn’t know Joe at all. Joe would never do something like this. He made his way down the hall, passed the bunks and into the common area where Nick was sitting at the small table. He sat down on the bigger couch and crossed his arms, staring at the large, blank TV across from him. Nick stopped typing for a moment to look at Kevin. He had noticed that ever since last night when he caught Kevin yelling at Joe that both of them had been acting different. Joe wasn’t his usual crazy self and Kevin hadn’t smiled all day.

“Kev, you want to talk about it?” Kevin just shook his head, he still felt like throwing up, in fact, he should throw up all over Joe just because he could. He wanted to make Joe feel at least half as humiliated as he did.

It was weird having to completely rearrange his life again, having to remove all those pictures from his hard drive and delete them from his phone. It was weird having a broken heart. Kevin never understood why someone would say they felt like a broken heart was like a disease, but now he did. He literally felt like he was slowing dying from the inside out. He had never known pain like this before and it was only magnified ten fold by the fact that part of the pain was inflicted upon him by his own brother…

Riley paced around backstage, anticipating the moment the boys would be coming in to do their sound check. She looked awful today but she didn’t really mind, she wanted everyone to see how she felt; her puffy, tired eyes, her tear stained face. She wanted everyone to feel sorry for her, even though that was the last thing anyone should feel for her today. She was completely humiliated and broken. Kevin was the perfect man. He never let her down, he never made her feel like anything less than a princess, and he loved her in way that was so pure and honest, the only thing for her to do was to mess it all up. Every time something good happened in her life there seemed to be an instinct inside of her that had to ruin it. Everything she touched turned to crap. She was currently contemplating on whether or not she should quit her job. It was almost impossible now for her to continue on this tour, for her to keep up the charade. Kevin most likely wanted nothing to do with her and looking at Joe just made her want to cry again. She was so stupid, so foolish.

In a huff of emotion, she pulled her hair tie from around her wrist and tossed her shiny light brown hair up in a messy knot. She put her left hand on her hip and began biting her nails on her right hand as she saw Kevin, Joe and Nick approaching in the distance with Big Rob and their parents in tow. She furrowed her eyebrows as she noticed how quickly Kevin was walking in front of Joe, and how Joe was practically dragging his feet, looking down at the ground. No one looked happy, she hated knowing that she was to blame for this awkward display. People were going to know something was fishy between her and Kevin because he didn’t even look at her, he wouldn’t even say hi.

They all gathered in front of her with their band and walked out on stage. Kevin leaned in to test his mic and his voice sounded so tired, like he hadn’t slept in days and Joe was just lifeless, a sight that no one had ever seen before. Joe was always the happy, eccentric member of the touring entourage but today he wasn’t himself. Riley walked over to her sound board, preparing to do her job when Kevin let out a loud, exasperated noise and stormed off stage, breezing passed everyone, leaving Joe looking perplexed and hurt at stage right. Riley and everyone around her were startled. Kevin was never angry and he never walked out on his job like this. Her boss was about to follow him but Riley put her hand on his shoulder and said she would go see what was wrong. She didn’t want people thinking any more that something was wrong with her and Kevin. She didn’t want to be the person on which everyone placed blame.

She opened the door to the room marked “Jonas Brothers” carefully, sticking her head in and seeing Kevin sitting on a chair with his legs pulled up to her chest, staring mindlessly into the air.

“Kevin…?” she said cautiously, approaching him. He didn’t turn to look at her, he wanted her to disappear and he thought if he ignored her she’d get the hint, but instead she sat down beside him, looking at him. “Kevin, if you would just talk to me…”

“Talk? You want to talk? You know…you’re as bad as him. Just leave me the hell alone!” He replied, standing up and walking away from her. Riley pouted, she didn’t want to cry anymore, but it was painful to not have Kevin trust her anymore, to not confide in her. She threw away the best year of her life over one night. She was about to leave when the door opened and Joe walked in.

He wasn’t expecting to see her here, in fact, she was the last person he expected to see anywhere near Kevin. He felt himself blush, the embarrassment and the shame was still there, it was etched into his very heart. He was never going to forgive her, or forgive himself for what he let happen. He wished he was someone else, he wished he was the one looking at this crazy situation from the outside, he didn’t like being a part of it. Riley’s piercing green eyes were boring holes into him as he stood there, he wished he could shake them off, but they were practically apart of him now.

“Why are you here?” he managed to ask her.

“I was about to ask you the same thing…”

**********************So now you’re waiting up for him…

EDIT:I can haz bannerz? Um...its a sucky one, i'll try and make a better one later.

Sort of inspired by Brad. Rest is Peace, friend.

TreesI don't want to go through this life
Without you by my side
And I got it all worked out
In my head here's how it's got to be

(song: Trees- The Lovehammers)

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Her bare feet slid across the gravel, she had been walking for so long the rocks and pebbles made no difference anymore. The tears on her face were looking for a sanctuary, looking for a puddle in which to collect. Her glossy brown hair hung soft around her shoulders, the long brown silk dress clung to her every curve and swept the dirt behind her, leaving no trace of her steps. She hadn’t been looking were she was headed, not needing to be anywhere in particular when she felt a gust of strong, cold wind blow at her feet with a musty scent, drying her tears, sticking the moisture to her skin. She now noticed before her a forest, the most dense cluster of trees she had ever seen.

There was no light escaping the forest, she could see nothing but five feet in front of her. There was a clear path down the middle, but she felt as if no one had dared tread there in months, maybe years. The trees seemed to be howling at her, begging her to come inside, even thought she knew this placed was foreboding. Her better judgment was telling her not to go, but her mind kept saying: “What can you lose? You’ve nothing much else to live for. What can you loose?”

Sighing, peering behind her through knitted eyebrows, she felt her face scrunch up once more as a new batch of tears fell. She shut her eyes and continued to trek onward, holding her breathing as the acrid air seeped into her lungs. The dry earth cracked and sighed beneath her feet. The dirt was cool and smooth as it grazed her feet and eerie calm setting over her. She felt immediately at ease, minus the chill running up and down her spine as Goosebumps appeared on her skin. She kept walking, keeping her gaze on her feet and occasionally the path ahead. She feared looking into the brush and trees around her, not knowing and scared of what might be looking back, but at the same time, she knew he was here.

As she walked on, the dusk and silence began playing it’s games on her, creatures unknown shuffling beneath the branches and dead leaves, insects crawling out of their homes to await the nightly meal. Off in the distance she thought she could see a soft glow. Was there life out here?

Forgetting all hazards, any compunction she may have had about this forest, she trudged onward. Her silk dress began sticking to her legs and torso and she broke into a cold, nervous sweat. Determined to find out where she was and who was sharing this bleak space with her made her continue to put on foot in front of the other, turning back now was not an option.

She gained on the spot, looking forward to see a small lagoon, shimmer and dancing in the distance. She looked up at the trees to see where the light was coming from the reflect off this small pool of liquid, but there was nothing.

“Come closer.” She felt the voice as if it was inside her head, the noise inside her ears. She looked around worried.

“Who’s there?” she stopped walking for the first time in what must’ve been hours.

“Closer.” She turned her attention back to the lagoon. The water was breathing now, small waves rippling from drops to the edges. Something inside was now urgently pressing her onward. She reached the edge of the small gathering of water and as she tried to peer at her reflection, the water shied away, the puddle retreating into itself before evaporating completely, now hanging in a light mist the enveloped her in a gently caress.

“Looking is not allowed. You can’t always see in order to believe.”

“I don’t understand.” The voice felt so familiar, it was one she was sure she would never hear again, but her it was, breathing down her neck and absorbing itself into her veins.

She closed her eyes as her breath became short, tears welling up in her eyes once more.

“Oh, angel!” she sighed.

“I’ll never leave you…” the voice whispered, soaking the mist into her dress, her hair, her very pores. “I’ll always be apart of you, right here.” She felt her heart swell with a love unbeknownst to her before, he was here. “You were always the one who was there for me when no one else was, this end was not your fault.”

“You gave up on yourself! I did everything for you and this is how you repaid me!” she replied barely above a whisper.

“I’m not gone.” Her heart swelled once more. “Go back. They need you.” Stubbornly, she shook her head. She didn’t want to leave. She had found his soul once more, she had allowed it to join hers again, she couldn’t bear to loose him twice. “They need you. He needs you.”

“But…I need you.”

“Here.” Her heart and soul began pulsing in unison and she felt an embrace tighter than any she had felt before, she felt a love and memory sweep over her. “Keep it forever…” She felt her love breath, she felt his body heat, she heard his heart beat slowly until she felt no more. It was impossible to feel anymore than she did.

The mist suddenly rolled away, leaving her empty once again, the memory of her heart near bursting forever etched into her brain. This is how he always made her feel. She sighed as the lagoon collected itself back to the puddle, breathing and sparkling with all the light he had left.

“Go back,” his voice inside her brain once more. Reaching up and swiping tears she didn’t remember crying from her face, she slowly backed away, this forest no longer frightening, the light down the path no longer mortifying. She drug her feet slowly down the dirt path before she once again found herself at the edge of this strange forest, a large gust of wind blew at her back and rose up through the trees. Quickly she turned around and stared upward, a mist had settled itself amongst the treetops, so dense no one would ever see through it again.

Her mind thinking back through all the photo memories she could recall, she found herself back where she began once more. His black casket sat barren and alone, the clouds dark and restless in the sky above her. Rain was threatening to pour over the dry earth as she sat down before him, looking at his smiling face in the pictures around her.

Somehow she knew, this wasn’t fair. He didn’t deserve his life to end the way he did. There was too much good inside, there was too much potential to be had.

“Rest in peace now. Forever guide me and guard me, angel,” she whispered, reaching up for the picture in front of her, pulling it to her chest as the downpour began soaking her glossy hair, her silky dress and chilling her down to the bone.

“I’ll always be here.” She felt her heart swell and warmth surround her, drifting out of consciousness…

*****************

“I Need You by my Side” Part 14- Everything seems shallow

(song: Britney Spears- Someday I Will Understand)

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Pete and his hoodie pulled over his head and stared at Kayli’s hand in his, her silver wedding band glinting in the dim light. He looked around quickly at the obstetrician’s office, noticing all the posters around about everything that could go wrong during a pregnancy and everything that goes into preparation for a baby. He was feeling overwhelmed. He had just gotten the hang of taking care of Hemmingway, it would take him forever to get the hang of this.

“Kayli Wentz?” Pete’s head turned to see a plump nurse in scrubs smiling at them. Kayli stood slowly and gave his hand a squeeze as he followed behind her. They walked into the room and Pete sat in the plastic chair beside the bed and stared at the machines. Everything in here looked so cold and harsh, it was making him break into a cold sweat.

“How far along are you?“ the nurse asked as she took Kayli’s temperature and blood pressure.

“Almost five months,” Kayli replied smiling. Pete looked up at the sound of her voice and felt his heart beat subside. Kayli was absolutely glowing and she looked so happy, he had to remind himself that this was the way it should be and they were in this together. This wasn’t supposed to be frightening and intimidating.

“Aw, great. You get to find out the baby’s sex today then, huh?” the nurse asked, tucking her stethoscope away. Kayli nodded, grinning.

“We hope so.”

“Excellent. Well, the doctor should be in shortly.” Kayli turned to Pete as the nurse left, taking in the look in his eyes.

“You okay, babe?” she asked. He gave her a half hearted smile and nodded. “Everything’s going to be okay, Pete.” He nodded again, reaching for her hand as the doctor entered the room.

“Hello again, Kayli,” Dr. Barry said as he entered. Pete looked at him with a frown on his face. He still wasn’t sure how to be responding to all of this. “This must be your husband?” She nodded.

“Yeah, this is Pete. Pete, Dr. Barry.” Pete reached forward and shook his hand.

“Don’t look so nervous, Pete. Kayli’s doing amazing so far. Everything’s been going smoothly, I trust?”

“Yeah, pretty typical I guess.”

“Ok, so you are both here today to check this kid out, right? We’ll make sure everything’s in place and maybe find out whether to paint that room pink or blue?” Kayli smiled and nodded, looking at Pete who smiled at her for reassurance. Lifting her shirt, Dr. Barry placed the baby monitor on her belly and began moving it around, searching for a good visual of the baby.

Pete’s eyes were transfixed to the screen, he hadn’t been to the doctor with Kayli yet so this was his first chance at seeing his kid. The noise was mesmerizing, the faint heartbeat was making his breath short.

“There we go!” Dr. Barry said as he stopped. Pete squinted at the screen, trying to make out what he was looking at. “Here,” he said pointing at the screen, “are the feet and here are the little hands and here is the little heart.” Pete followed along as the reality dawned on him.

“Oh my god,” he whispered to himself. He suddenly felt elated and overjoyed. This was a living, breathing, heat beating having creature. This was his baby, their baby.

“Are you ready to find out the sex?” Kayli looked at Pete with a life in her eyes he’d never noticed before and he couldn’t help but really smile for the first time all day.

“Of course,” he said, reaching up and brushing stray hair away from Kayli’s eyes.

“It’s a girl! Congratulations!” Dr. Barry said. Kayli almost squealed. Her heart was so full now, they were having a girl!

“Pete! That’s our daughter!” she said leaning over and kissing him. He nodded kissing her back before she pulled away and he let his mouth hang open. He and Kayli hadn’t even talked about names, getting a nursery ready or anything and time was running short. He felt motivated now, he wanted to be prepared to give this baby girl the best life ever…and maybe inform his parents…

“Just hang out here for a minute?”

“Why can’t I come in with you?”

“Babe you’re a dead giveaway,” he said gesturing at her belly.

“So…?” she said as he shut the door and walked to the front door of his parents home. He knocked, feeling nervous. This was stupid. Why should he be nervous over this? His parents were going to be pissed for a minute, but he knew they’d be happy for him too, right?

“Hi mom!” he said as the door opened. Dale eyed him suspiciously.

“Hello, Peter. What’d you do now?”

“Ew, Mom. I can’t come home and say hi?”

“Not unannounced…” Pete sighed. Mom knew him too well.

“Okay, fine. I’ve been avoiding this and I really couldn’t tell you why…where’s Dad?” Dale turned around and motioned to someone and his Dad, Peter, came into his view. “Hi, Dad.” His father also eyed him strangely.

“Out with it already, Peter.”

“Okay, okay. I’m surprised you haven’t heard the stories yet…”

“Oh we’ve heard them. I’ve had complete strangers come up to me and congratulate me on having another grandchild…” his mom replied causing him to hang his head.

“Uh…yeah…about that,” he turned around and waved at Kayli as she stepped out of the SUV and up the walkway. “This is my wife…Kayli. Babe, these are my parents, Dale and Peter.”

“Hi…” she said awkwardly.

“Get inside you two,” his mom said happily.

“Peter, I don’t know why you didn’t tell us about this sooner! She’s beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Kayli replied grinning as Dale hugged her tightly.

“Oh and uh. Here,” Pete said reaching into his hoodie pocket and handing them an ultrasound picture. “That’s your future granddaughter.” Pete’s mom put her hand over her mouth as tears collected in her eyes.

“Peter I’m so proud of you!” she said.

“Um…her name is Sally, if you were wondering.”

“Oh, of course it is,” his Dad replied. Pete shrugged. His parents knew about his love of ‘A Nightmare Before Christmas’ and probably didn’t expect much else. Kayli hated the name, but agreed because she wanted as many of Pete’s fingerprints on the baby’s development as possible, plus he said he’d had his heart set on it since he began thinking he’d ever want to have a kid…

Tossing her bag on the kitchen counter and painfully pulling off her shoes, Kayli turned around and looked at Pete as Hemmingway came sliding across the wood floor to them, wagging his tail excitedly.

“That went well, huh?” she asked leaning down to let Hemmy smoother her with kisses.

“Yeah. I figured they must’ve known by now anyway…” he replied, taking her hand so she could stand up again before wiping the dog drool off her face and leaning in to kiss her. Sighing he added, “we’ve got a lot of work to do.”

“Mmhmm, and you have a tour to prepare for.”

“Shit. I actually forgot about that whole doing my job thing.” He leaned down and kissed her again.

“Yeah, now for the mundane part: planning…”

As Pete got ready to tour, going to rehearse nearly everyday for the whole day and doing his work on Clandestine, he couldn’t contribute much as Kayli began planning everything they would need for when they brought Sally home, where they would register for baby gifts and how to decorate Sally’s room. Pete interjected things here and there about wanting it to look like some baby friendly version of Halloweentown, but Kayli was looking for something a little more girly and bright.

Both Pete and Kayli were beginning to feel the pressures of the life they had chosen with Pete being so busy, they hardly found time to be together anymore, even though they didn’t have to sneak around anymore. Everyday that passed brought it closer to the beginning of the fall tour and Kayli was feeling more and more depressed each day. She began thinking about going through the next three months of her pregnancy alone, save a few days and it was feeling extremely daunting. She would be nearly ready to go into labor when Pete came home and he’ll have missed everything in between.

Neither one was ready for what was next…

***************

“Papercut” Part 19: Maybe Tomorrow

*************************

Patrick Stumph drove down the busy Los Angels highway on the way to the therapist’s, happy for this moment of peace, this moment of solitude. His house had become a battle zone. When he had picked Morgan and Connor up two days ago from their sessions, they were both silent and abrasive. Morgan wouldn’t look at him anymore and Connor avoided his gaze as usual. Patrick thought it was odd, but Connor had looked like he always wanted to say something to him, like there was this nagging thing that he needed to get off his mind, but he never said it.

Patrick shut the door to his SUV and let the sunlight warm his skin for a minute, loitering slightly outside the door to the therapist’s, feeling like he should just stay outside, he wasn’t in the mood for this, which probably wasn’t a good thing. Sighing, he walked into a shadow and opened the door…

Dr. McCoy hadn’t said anything for five minutes, it was beginning to make Patrick feel nervous when finally he looked up from his paperwork and smiled.

“Patrick? You look distracted…” Patrick looked up from the floor, sad about his Nike’s looking worse for the ware, digging his toe into the carpet, nodding. Dr. McCoy noted Patrick’s worried eyes, his skin looking paler than usual. “Did something happen?” Patrick nodded again.

“I hate this, you know? Joe was my only friend from that life and now…I can’t trust him at all. I hate it.”

“What happened?” Patrick sighed, he wasn’t sure he wanted to share this right now, but if he had to tell someone, why not his therapist?

“We got woken up this morning at about 5 am. Joe brought Morgan home…”

“She snuck out of the house?” Patrick nodded.

“He brought her and her clothes home, I should say. He had a towel around her…she tried to sleep with him. He told me he let her do it but then at the very last second had a chance of heart of something and made her lie down and I guess she fell asleep and he brought her home…” he stopped. He closed his eyes and let it happen, he had been repressing it for so long, hot tears slid from his eyes and down his face. This morning had been such a shock he didn’t even know what to think. His fifteen year old daughter tried to lose her virginity to a thirty five year old man…who happened to be his best friend. Morgan had no idea what was in store for her later when she woke up, but her life was over. Dr. McCoy sat and watched Patrick cry for a moment, handing him a tissue.

“I’m glad to see you showing this emotion, Patrick. You’ve been going through a lot and I know this is the hardest thing to deal with, watching your daughter fall apart like this, but she needs structure and Morgan is headed in a scary direction.” hearing him say this didn’t make Patrick feel any better, he was feeling out of control, his tears were unstoppable.

“I just can’t wrap my head around how this has happened? No one will blame Morgan, they’ll blame me or Destiny for being terrible parents! I can’t bare this stuff, it makes me sick to think about Joe doing that to my baby! Change of heart or not, he still thought about it which is just as bad. If he would’ve gone through with it, I could’ve ruined his life, Destiny still wants to, believe me.”

“How did Destiny handle this morning?”

“In typical fashion. Freaked out, tried to practically kill Joe. All I want is for her to be strong, to act mature about this for a little bit so she can help me rationally think about what to do with Morgan, but she just keeps yelling and saying hurtful things I know she doesn’t mean.”

“Where was Connor in all of this?” Patrick sighed…Connor?

“I…I honestly don’t know.”

“Digressing from this morning for a moment, has anything changed between you and Connor this week?” Patrick shook his head and shrugged. It was the same relationship he’d always had with Connor: silent. “Do you think that maybe the pair of you need to punish Morgan and then spend some time just trying to figure out where Connor is in all of this? How he feels about what’s happened to Morgan? Maybe he can provide insight that you and Destiny and over looking, Patrick. He’s a very, very bright boy.”

“Really?” Patrick replied…

Destiny handed Joe a cup of coffee, unable to look him in the eyes. She had nothing to say to him and was pretty sure he knew better than to speak to her. Connor came around the corner and looked from Destiny to Joe, seeing the pain in Destiny’s eyes. Carefully he came around the counter in the kitchen and stood at the fridge watching her. He had been woken up nearly three hours ago now, hearing Destiny screaming at Patrick and Joe. He tip toed across the hallway to peek in Morgan’s bedroom to see her there when it added up in his head. Joe must’ve brought her home.

“Mommy…?” he said softly, worried about her disposition, leaning over the counter with her head in her hands staring at the coffee beneath her. Slowly she looked over at him, waiting for him to continue. He smiled and walked towards her, arms out stretched. Destiny felt over whelmed suddenly…a hug might really be all she needed.

As she wrapped her arms around her son’s shoulders and he hugged her around her waist, she felt herself break down. The tremble came up from her toes and finished out as huge crocodile tears fell from her eyes. Connor looked up at his Mom’s face, wishing he knew the miracle cure to all of this pain. He looked over at Joe who had tears in his eyes now too and felt like maybe he was the oldest person in this house, maybe he was the only one that could save this. Connor backed up and took Destiny by the hand and led her up the stairs.

“Mommy, lay down, okay? Just relax, Dad will be home soon.” Destiny nodded at him, welcoming the pillow to catch her tears. She was upset at what was going on, moved by Connor’s love and annoyed that she had just let her guard down. She reached up and pulled Connor to her again, hugging him tightly.

“I love you baby,” she whispered. He nodded.

“I love you more, Mom.” She let go of him and buried her face in the pillow, sobbing to her hearts content. Connor backed out of the room and shut the door before walking back downstairs to wait for Patrick.

“She okay, kiddo?” Joe asked, watching Connor take a seat by the front door. Connor looked up at Joe and felt angry suddenly, this was as much his fault as it was Morgan’s.

“She’s fine and do me a favor and don’t talk to me…”

Patrick pulled into his driveway, worried what he was going to find when he opened the door. He spotted Joe first, sitting with his head hanging in his hands, before he noticed Connor sitting curled up on the chair beside the door.

“Hey,” Patrick said to him. Connor smiled the best he could before standing and throwing himself at Patrick. Taken aback, Patrick stood there for a minute not sure what he was supposed to do now, but wrapped his arms around Connor, hugging him as tightly as he possibly could. This was the pinnacle of their relationship and although he felt pretty exhausted from his session with Dr. McCoy, Patrick felt himself begin to cry again.

“Why has it taken all this pain for us to be able to love each other?” Patrick questioned, almost rhetorically. Connor backed up and stared at Patrick. Was that really true?

“Dad, did you think for all these years that I didn’t love you? That you haven’t always been my father? I don’t know why it’s taken this for me to feel enough courage to tell you so, but Dad I love you more than I’m ever willing to say to you ever again. I want to be your friend, Dad. I want you to be in my life. I want you to teach me to play the guitar, Dad! I want you to spend time with me! Daddy, I love you and you’ve always know that!” he said, feeling a strange mixture of angry, sadness and euphoria all at the same time. Patrick felt overwhelmed at this. He was dealing with this catastrophe with Morgan and now Connor just threw all these feelings at him and he was latterly floored, sitting down on the chair across from him.

“Connor…I…”

“Don’t worry about it, Morgan is first.”

“No, that’s what got her here in the first place. She always thought she could get away with anything and now she can’t. She needs to be alone for awhile and see how it feel to get nothing and you need my time and I want to give it to you. I would love nothing more than to teach you how to play guitar.” Connor nodded and smiled at him, before Patrick turned his attention back to Joe.

“Why’s he still here?”

“Mom tried to kill him, then gave him coffee? I don’t know, really. I put Mom to bed not too long ago, she was crying.” Patrick looked visibly startled at hearing that Destiny was crying. The last time she cried was at their wedding.

“I’ll be back, okay? I’m going to check on your Mom.” Connor nodded, happy to be with his thoughts for a moment. Patrick walked into the kitchen, looking at Joe for a minute before Joe looked up at him.

“Go home, man,” Patrick replied.

“You sure…?” Joe asked. Patrick nodded.

“I’ll call you later because you know I have so much to say to you but my family needs me first.” Joe nodded, looking solemn as he left the Stumph household, feeling like the lowest person on earth.

Quietly opening the door, Patrick walked into his bedroom, immediately seeing Destiny laying on their bed asleep, the pillow beneath her adorned with a large wet spot. Carefully, he laid down behind her. His movement caused her to wake, when she turned around and buried her face in his t-shirt.

“What the hell are we going to do?” She questioned, her voice full of tears once more.

“I don’t know babe, but it’s all going to be okay…”

*************************

I look around at a beautiful life
Been the upperside of down
Been the inside of out
But we breathe

(Song: Maybe Tomorrow- Stereophonics)

AN: Whoops, change of plans it seems. This fit her a little better I think then after all this therapy, so Patrick and Destiny’s sessions are coming as promised, but…here’s some scandal ;)

“Papercut” Part 18- Lovely, are you lost in this carouseling thoughts?

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Morgan rolled over on her bed and stared at the red numbers on her clock and saw that four hours had passed of just her thinking and now it was 3am on a Saturday morning. She hadn’t been out of the house in nearly two weeks and she was growing restless. If her parents thought they were teaching her a lesson they were way wrong and they were only making her feel ruthless. Standing up and walking to her closet she pulled on a pair of jeans and tossed a hoodie around her tank top and opened her bedroom window, sticking her head out looking for a way down. Never before had she thought of sneaking out of her window, but desperate times called for desperate measures, as they say. Pulling sneakers on quickly, she carefully placed her feet outside the window, lowering her body from the windowsill before taking a deep breath and letting go. She hadn’t anticipated the distance being so much, it didn’t look as bad from upstairs, but her feet absorbed the brute of the fall, sending a painful shock right up her legs and back. Groaning she sat down for a minute waiting for the pain to subside before trying to figure out exactly where she was going. She wanted to go to Joe’s but couldn’t figure out exactly how to get there and she knew the walk would be too far. Carefully tip toeing around the back of the house she stood below Connor’s window and threw stuff up at it until he came and opened it.

“What? What are you doing outside?”

“Needed some air, can I use your cell phone real quick?” Connor knew exactly whatr Morgan was up to and he didn’t want to be an accessory to her bad behavior, but he also knew that if he helped or not, she’d find a way to get what she wanted so he shrugged and tossed his phone to her. She smiled gratefully and quickly dialed Joe’s number…

Joe Trohman groaned out loud as his phone vibrated with life on his bed side. He glanced at his clock which read a sleepy 3:15 am and he wondered who would be calling now.

“Hello?”

“Joe? It’s me!” Joe sat up, alarmed suddenly.

“Morgan? I havent heard from you in weeks, what’s going on?”

“Nothing, can you come pick me up at the end of my block?” Joe felt the war rage in himself once more, he wasn’t over his thing with Morgan and had to admit that he was missing her big time.

“Yeah…yeah. Be there in ten minutes.” Morgan thanked him and hung up, smiling like the Cheshire cat.

“I owe you one, little bro!” she replied, tossing his phone back up to him.

“No, kidding,” he replied, shutting his window. Morgan skipped away from her house and walked down the block where she sat on the curb and waited. She felt her insides flutter as headlights zoomed toward her down the block, knowing she was seconds from Joe’s kiss. The silver car stopped in front of her and she stood, opening the door and sitting in the front seat, turning to smile at Joe. She leaned forward to kiss him but he pushed her away.

“Not here,” he said, pulling away from the curb and heading back towards his house. “So where have you been what’s been going on?”

“Oh my god, mom and dad have totally cut me off from the rest of the world. I don’t have anything. Phone, computer, TV, nothing. I’ve been dying to call you to tell you I miss you but it’s been impossible.”

“I miss you too, hunny girl.” Morgan blushed at his comment, it made her feel so good to be wanted. Her house was full to the brim of no one wanting to be around anyone else and it felt nice to be appreciated and needed. She leaned over on his arm, resting her head on his shoulder, breathing him in. She couldn’t believe how much she had grown so fond of everything about him…

The car came to a stop in Joe’s driveway and they both stepped out of the car, walking up to the front door. Joe opened the door and Morgan entered in front of him, turning to look at him as he shut the door. He smiled at her before nodding her up the stairs, he knew that’s what she was after. Giggling to herself, she ran up the stairs and to his bedroom, flinging herself onto his bed, snuggling beneath the blankets. It was going to feel so good to lie with him again and just stay in his arms for the time being. Morgan through out all reservations and all possible consequence.

Joe felt his heart racing in his chest. He subconsciously wished Morgan would’ve never contacted him ever again, but on the surface and in his heart he was so happy to see her lying there, staring at him overtop of his blankets. Her eyes was lit with the fire he had never noticed in her before and it was making his insides prickle with desire. She looked older, somehow. Less innocent and childlike and more adult and mature. Maybe the events of the past few weeks forced her to grow up a little, or at least feel slightly older, but whatever it was had Joe responding ten fold.

He walked to the other side of the bed and slid in beside her where she immediately scooted into his arms. She felt so warm and safe beneath his embrace, not to mention sexy and loved, she never wanted to leave here. What would be the point of going back to life in a house where she was public enemy number one? She could stay here with Joe, go to school and actually want to come home, not want to run in the opposite direction.

Joe was completely caught off guard by his strong feelings for this much younger female, the way she made him feel attractive again, the way she needed to be around him was so refreshing to him now. Divorce was so ugly and it got so out of hand that you somehow lose touch with yourself in the process. Joe didn’t know how to even identify himself anymore, except as a Dad, but being with Morgan made him feel a sense of purpose once more.

It wasn’t as though Joe completely forgot about Morgan’s age when they were together or all of the trouble this relationship had caused, but it was like none of it mattered when they were together. He felt so adolescent about his feelings, but it was what it was. When Joe held Morgan close, he felt like someone actually gave a damn about him still. Marie had known him for so long once they were married, she never asked about his life when he was younger or what this tattoo meant. Morgan was so curious about everything. She wanted to know everything about him from the ink on his skin to the heart in his chest and both of them felt euphoric in their time spent together, no one could bring them down while they were up here.

Without giving environment or circumstance another thought, Morgan tilted her head up, pressing her lips against Joe’s. She felt so silly for her outburst last week, she wanted to prove to him that she was indeed ready for anything. Joe parted his lips slightly, sliding his tongue across Morgan’s teeth, until she opened her mouth and let their tongue’s slide together. She felt herself get weaker by the second, Joe’s kiss was taking her over and any resolve she may have had earlier was just going to be an after thought when this was over.

Joe rolled over onto his back, pulling Morgan with him so her tiny frame was straddling his body. Morgan began to push her hips into Joe’s growing arousal and their kiss deepened and his hands began to roam all over her body, caressing her thin legs, ass and up her back. Joe marveled in the softness of skin, pulling her shirt up, trying to get it off of her so he could feel the smoothness on his lips. Morgan felt her mind flicker for a moment, a fleeting thought yelled ‘STOP!’ but then it vanished and her shirt was on the floor. Joe placed his hands on her waist, lifting her up slightly so he could kiss her shoulders, and the front of her chest. He kissed her breasts over her bra, sending a wave of chills through Morgan’s body. She literally felt like she was catching fire, waiting for the wildfire to spread through every inch of her.

Panting slightly, she found her voice, “Joe, Joe…I need you to touch me please. I’m going crazy,” she whispered. Wanting to please her, he lifted her up and placed her on her back, reaching down and pulling her jeans off, looking at her for a minute, watching the way her chest was rising and falling and the look of longing in her eyes. She smiled at him and he immediately noticed how comfortable she was today, making it easier for him to be with her. He pulled her panties down next, leaning in and placing his lips and tongue on her, causing her to gasp out loud.

Morgan was in another world. Last time she had felt so uptight over this, she didn’t even remember it being this amazing. She sat up and unhooked her bra, taking it off, she wanted to show Joe everything, to give him all of her. Joe looked up and smiled at her, scooting his body up above her. She reached up and placed her hands on her shoulders, pulling him closer so she could kiss him more, feeling him reach down and kick his jeans off.

Morgan’s hands began to tremble as her mind started thinking about where this was all headed. She was ready, she was, she wanted to give everything to him. Joe let his kiss from her lips down her neck, across her collar bone and down her chest. Morgan ran her hands all over Joe’s back and up to his shoulders again. Joe leaned back and looked her in eyes.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” He asked her, he didn’t want to force anything in this situation, but she looked so comfortable and content, he didn’t think she was having any second thoughts.

“I’m completely positive, please…” she said, staring him straight in the eyes…

Morgan woke up a few hours later, expecting to roll over and through her arm around Joe, only to find herself alone…in her own bed…

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AN: Hmm…so…what happened? I love cliff hanging! Lol, leave good reviews!

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Morgan Stumph sat stubbornly with her arms crossed staring at Dr. McCoy’s scratched, worn leather shoes. He kept pushing for her to basically turn Joe in, but she refused. She knew the legality of the situation going into it and had made Joe a promise that she would never hurt him as he made the same promise to her. She wasn’t going to break it either; not now, not ever.

“Morgan, I want you to talk to me about what happened with Joe. I want you to feel like you can be honest and open with me. Anything you tell me will be in complete confidence, your parents will never find out.”

“Yeah, but if I tell you something that bothers you, you have all the authority to turn my story over and I’m not doing that. It’s none of your business.”

Dr. McCoy sighed. Bratty teenagers were the hardest to get speaking, but once they spoke it was hard to stop all of the feelings and pressures from literally falling out of their mouths. For young girls with parents who didn’t listen, it was easy for therapy to get addicting because it provides them with an outlet to let everything out to people who wont punish them, but Morgan was never like every other girl. She wasn’t giving her mother, father, brother or this therapist the satisfaction.

She had spent the past week locked up in her room basically with nothing to do but sleep all the time. Destiny and Patrick had taken away her computer, cell phone, land phone and television. She was allowed to watch TV downstairs for a limited time and had to inform them of what she was watching. She hated it and felt that hell might have more luxuries. She missed Joe terribly and felt bad that she couldn’t tell him what was going on and how people who supposedly cared about him were now trying to get him thrown into jail.

“Okay, let’s try something else. Morgan, I want you to just tell me how you are. Forget about Joe, just tell me how you’re doing.” Morgan sighed, she guess she could do that.

“I’m miserable.” he nodded.

“Can you tell me why?”

“My family sucks.”

“Why?”

“They’re assholes, that’s why.” The doctor sighed again. This girl was a tough cookie. He wanted to blame her parents for this lack of compassion she was showing, he had noticed Destiny seemed a bit off for a mother, he wanted to persuade her into taking some parenting classes when he saw her next, but right now he wanted to figure out Morgan’s relationship with her.

“Morgan, what is your earliest memory of your mother?” She sighed and closed her eyes.

“I was about three or four and we came home and she put me in my crib because I was crying and she left me there. I remember feeling distraught and she just left me there until my Dad came home.” Dr. McCoy furrowed his eyebrows at the comment. It was rare that a child would remember something that early, but this seemed as though it was a catalyst for her behavior toward Destiny as of recent.

“So, Patrick is who you lean on when you want or need something? It’s always been that way?” Morgan nodded.

“Daddy has always done everything for me and gotten me anything I wanted. He was trying to get me a record deal even until Mom cut him off at the knees for it. She just doesn’t want me to be happy or do anything I want to.”

“Morgan you know that’s not true. You’re mother probably feels like in some way she needs to take control of your life because you don’t let her know you.”

“Whatever, I don’t want her to know me. She’s dead in my book, has been for awhile. I like to think I don’t have a mother sometimes.”

“That’s not a good thing to wish, Morgan.”

“Worse things have happened.” He nodded and jotted more things down he needed to discuss with her parents and smiled at her.

“I think we’re good for today. I hope next time you come see me you want to be a bit more open.” Morgan rolled her eyes and nodded leaving the room.

Connor Stumph was sitting with his hands under his thighs on a blue chair in the waiting room watching as his sister dramatically exited the room.

“You’re turn, loser,” she said, plopping down on the chair beside him. He nodded and swung his legs to the floor, shuffling into the office.

Dr. McCoy smiled at him as he entered, motioning for Connor to take a side across from him.

“Hello, Connor. How have things been since I last saw you?” He sighed.

“Kind of awful, if I’m being honest. Morgan is blaming everyone but herself for her life and she never talks to us anymore, just yells and slams doors. Mom and Dad are trying so hard to get somewhere with her, help her get better and she won’t.” The doctor was glad Connor was much better about opening up to him in these sessions.

“Connor, tell me about your father.” He looked at the doctor, and down to his feet, biting his lip in thought.

“Well…” he began, trying to figure out the best way to go about this, “he’s really good at music.” The doctor smiled.

“Anything else?” Connor shrugged, he knew little to nothing about Patrick except things he’d read in those old magazines. “Okay, describe your relationship with him for me.”

“Well, I think after I was born it affected my parents negatively, I don’t think Mom was mentally ready for me and Dad just didn’t know how to deal with her and in turn I got caught in the shuffle, I guess. My sister and I were working on this project for a while, trying to find out about our parents’ pasts, how they met and how they were when they were younger. Dad was so good at what he did! I’ve seen the old concert footage and I really wish he would’ve found that peace with me. My friend has been teaching me how to play guitar, but I want him to teach me. I do, I really do want to know him, I want to be able to be like my friends who know their father’s and spend time with them. I always feel so left out when they go on camping trips or boy scouts with their dad’s and mine is too busy heading to the studio or scouting bands or this and that. I know I wasn’t wanted in my family, but I want to feel like I belong here.”

“What was this project you and your sister were doing?”

“Morgan was so interested in finding out about Mom and Dad when they were still in love with each other. She wanted to know how it used to be and where it went wrong so we could try and fix it, mend us all. But then she went around with Joe and made things worse. We don’t talk, as a whole our family never talks to each other. No one shares feelings unless we’re angry and yelling at each other!” Connor took a pause before raising his eyes to Dr. McCoy, “can you really help us?” He nodded at Connor’s plea.

“I’ll do the best I can. May I ask you a question?“ Connor nodded, feeling his chest constrict violently; he hadn’t felt so scared in liberated ever in his life. “If your father were sitting here right now and you could say anything you wanted to him, anything at all…what would you say?” Connor sighed again, turning his gaze to the ceiling, feeling his lower lip quiver slightly and hot tears seep into his eyes.

“I love you, Dad.”

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“Papercut” Part 16: I don’t want to drag you through the bottom

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Morgan felt her heart sink. She did not want to talk about Joe at all. She already felt stupid and naïve about the whole situation, she didn’t want to be reminded about what it did to her family.

“I’d rather we didn’t,” Destiny spoke up first. Dr. McCoy looked at her in question.

“Why not?”

“It’s uncomfortable,” Patrick added. Dr. McCoy nodded.

“Obviously, but isn’t that one of the reasons why you’re all here? To face head on all of the things you’ve been avoiding as a family, no matter how uncomfortable?” Destiny shrugged, catching Patrick’s eye, who nodded softly. She took that as an okay to talk about it here.

“My daughter was under the impression that a family friend of ours was in love with her.” Morgan huffed, twirling the ring Joe gave her around her index finger, her mother didn’t know anything.

“Why would you think that, Morgan?”

“Because he said so. The words, “Morgan, I love you”, were spoken to me more than once. Mom has no clue. No one does because they weren’t there!”

“Morgan, you’re so naïve!” Dr McCoy put his hand up.

“For the sake of getting all the feelings out from everybody, I don’t want anyone to feel attacked, Destiny.” Destiny nodded and crossed her arms. It infuriated her that Morgan still believed that she meant anything more to Joe than just his friends little girl.

“Ok, fine. It seems to me, that while she believes Joe said that to her and meant it in more than a strictly platonic way, she became over infatuated with him. She was starting to sneak around and not tell us where she was going. No knows it was wrong and that’s what upsets me. She knows but she did it anyway.”

“I’ve always trusted Joe. I’ve known him for more than twenty years, it’s hard for either of us to believe he’d sort of betray our trust in him like this,” Patrick interjected.

Dr. McCoy nodded, “Morgan, can you talk about how this all started with Joe?” Morgan sat back and played with the hem of her shirt. She thought back to her being on her knees in her own backyard giving Joe a blowjob while he smoked weed.

“I’d rather not, honestly.” Connor looked up at his big sister and began a huge debate with himself. He hadn’t seen it happen, but he read something she had written on her computer the other day when he was ‘researching’ with her. It was just random thoughts from Morgan’s head but most of it had to do with the sexual interaction between her and Joe. He wanted to say something, because he felt what Joe was doing with his sister was just morally wrong, but at the same time he loved Morgan and didn’t want her to be mad at him. Their parents would probably murder her if they knew she’d done that.

“What?” Morgan said to him. He forgot that he was staring. He shook his head and looked down at his feet.

“Connor, do you have something you want to say? You can feel safe here,” Dr McCoy encouraged.

“No, that’s okay. It’s…it’s nothing.” Patrick nudged his shoulder.

“It’s okay, buddy. Just talk,” he nodded encouragingly. Connor felt the battle within intensify. Help is sister, but feel like he’s betraying her, or speak up and risk losing his bond with her, but getting her help. He had to think fast.

“Uncle Joe should probably go to jail,” Connor said quietly. Morgan looked up at him quickly, then to the expression on Patrick’s face. He couldn’t do this, her brother couldn’t do this!

“Connor, stop!” She said, he tone harsh. She didn’t want to give anyone the idea that his claim had any basis, but she couldn’t handle this, what did he know?

“Connor…?” Patrick said, now thoroughly concerned. Destiny was beginning to feel her knuckles get white. Part of her wanted to know what Connor had to say, but the other part of her wished to stay ignorant.

“It’s not my place to say, you know? If Morgan wants to admit everything she’d done, then she can turn him in. It’s not my place.” Patrick was silently stunned at his son’s maturity, it seemed far advanced for a twelve year old boy.

“Nothing happened! God!” Morgan blurted. She was lying through her teeth and felt that everyone in the room was looking right through her and seeing the images now plastered to her brain. She couldn’t help but think of the other night when Joe broke her hymen, when he basically took her innocence.

“Morgan, how else can you explain that weird list of words you left under my door? We know he did something more than just…kiss you…” Patrick felt a cold chill creep right through his body at the thought of his best friend violating his fifteen year old daughter.

“Morgan, you know this is a very serious situation and while you still have feelings for Joe, these types of accusations can’t be taken lightly by anyone. But, I can’t do anything until I hear you say that he hurt you or touched you inappropriately,” Dr. McCoy interjected.

“He didn’t do anything and why would I say even if he did? I obviously wanted him to do it.”

“But, your father paints a picture of remorse. You said she left a list of words under your door?” Patrick nodded. “What type of words.” Patrick sighed deeply, emotionally he wasn’t prepared to talk about this situation, he was still reeling from his almost divorce from Destiny.

“Uh…hold on,” he reached into his pocket and pulled out the pages with the printed words on them, handing them to Dr. McCoy. Morgan was flabbergasted.

“You just keep those in your pocket?”

“I brought them along in case this came up. Don’t start with me,” he replied. He was so furious with Morgan he wanted to throw her in the basement and lock her in there until she was thirty. Morgan felt attacked, she thought they were here to talk about why he parents were so stupid and kept in love with each other even though all they do is cause each other pain, not about her and Joe. There was nothing wrong with anything they were doing in her eyes. She watched Dr. McCoy has he looked at the words on the paper and saw concern begin to cloud them.

“What…” he began but stopped, furrowing his eyebrows. “What prompted you to make this list. You gave it to your father and that’s a cry for help.”

“I wasn’t crying out for help, I had a lapse of judgment, thirty seconds after I was fine. There is no problem. Everything that happened is between Joe and I, period and I’m fine. There isn’t a problem.”

“Morgan, you better say it here, because if you say it out of this room or don’t say anything I’m going to kick the shit out of Joe.”

“Destiny…” Patrick said, looking at her.

“I can’t help this! Dr. McCoy, what have I done wrong with this child where she would think this is okay even in the least?! I can’t handle this. Morgan, I don’t think you realize how this situation makes your father and I feel!”

“Mom, I don’t think you and Dad realize how what you do makes Connor and I feel. Our whole lives all we’ve done is be pushed and shoved and brought up and down by how guys are feeling each week! It’s bullshit!”

“Morgan! I’ve had enough! Stop talking like that, this has got to end! When we get home you’re not aloud to leave the house except for school or speak to anybody unless we know who you’re talking to. You’ve never had anyone put you in your place or punish you. You’re so used to being a spoiled brat that you think you can do anything. Well it stops here. I’m not going to baby you anymore. You’ve proved that you’re old enough to make your own decisions, good or bad and now it’s time to have consequences,” Patrick said. Morgan stared at her father, seeing something new in him. Her mouth was hanging open and she was literally in shock. Her father had never spoken to her like that in her life.

“I think we’re done for the day,” Dr. McCoy piped up. He felt that this outburst from Patrick was much needed. “I’m going to ask that you kids go in the waiting room for a moment.” Morgan stood up with much noise, tossing her chair back and flinging the door wide open. Connor stood and slugged out behind her.

“How could you do that to me?!” she snapped at him as they sat down.

“I didn’t do anything!”

“Saying ‘I think Uncle Joe needs to go to jail’ is definitely saying something! I’ve never seen Dad get so mad in his life! You’re so dead to me!” She said, crossing her arms and turning away from him. Connor sighed an shrugged. Wrong choice, he figured, but it didn’t matter in the long run. She’d be thankful one day when she got over her anger…

“Patrick, I want to congratulate you on finding your voice. I know it’s hard to discipline your daughter sometimes because you want to be supportive, but it seems to me that Morgan needs more restrictions whereas Connor needs more attention and freedom. He barely spoke at all and I’d like to see both of them individually next week and then the following week I want to speak to the both of you alone, how does that sound?”

“If you think it wil help us, I’m willing to do anything. I’m sorry I snapped like that,” Patrick replied. Destiny reached over and rubbed his back, she was happy to see him finally bring Morgan into reality. She wasn’t sure therapy was going to help, but she felt that this session alone was beneficial and was eager to continue. They thanked the doctor and left the room, Morgan was sitting with her headphones on, starring at the floor and Connor smiled as his parents came out. Today was the first day he could ever remember feeling a connection with Patrick, and it was making him feel hopeful…

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Through the Fire and Flames Part 2 and final

She woke up a few hours later, startled by the silence and she tried to sit up, feeling the entire room spin. Realizing she was naked, she looked over at the body curled up behind her on the couch and felt bile rise up in her throat. Brendon?

Shit.

Grabbing a sheet that was laying over her and wrapping it around her body, she slowly began to stumble around the hotel suite, being careful not to step on whoever was laying around passed out on the floor, she peered in every bedroom and on every couch. She didn’t find who she was looking for down stairs, so she made her way back to the stairwell, carefully climbing the steps, holding onto the railing for dear life. She got up the stairs and peaked in every bedroom again, until she got to the end of the hall and found what she was looking for.

Patrick was laying alone in a large bed, and she sighed relived. She had been worried he was going to hook up for the past two months now, but she was glad he hadn’t yet and the alcohol running through her was still not letting her feel guilty about what happened with Brendon. She stood in the doorway for a minute watching Patrick sleep, wondering what had gone so wrong between them. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but she recalled something about fighting too much, she didn’t mind it as much as he did apparently. Her brain felt like a jumbled mess at this point. It felt like her brain was being tickled as it floated around in her skull and common sense was still escaping her.

Quietly, she approached the bed, pulling the sheet around her like a towel, tucking it in so she didn’t have to hold it. She put one knee and then the other up on the bed, crawling over to Patrick.

Feeling the bed dip slightly beneath him, Patrick was startled out of his sleepy daze, he hadn’t really been tired, he was just feeling worn down. He opened his eyes to see her floating above him, the only light coming from the sleepless city outside the window. He threw his arm up to touch her shoulder, pressing her backwards while he tried to sit up and face her.

“What are you doing?” he asked her, his voice groggy.

“Patrick, I miss you,” she slurred, “I just want to be with you again,” she said, leaning forward and trying to kiss him, but he turned his head, where she collided with the side of his face.

“Seriously? What the hell?” he asked again, this time moving away from her, placing his feet on the floor.

“Patrick…I want you to sleep with me, please! I miss you, I miss us. I hate not being with you,” she replied. Patrick rolled his eyes immediately, aware of the stench of alcohol that clouded her mixed with tired tones in her voice. He grabbed her by the shoulders and laid her down gently beside him.

“Just lay down and try to get some sleep, alright? You’re acting stupid,” his hand slipped in through the sheet wrapped around her, causing him to momentarily graze her flat, smooth stomach, feeling only bare skin. His eyebrows knited together and he moved the sheet over slightly glancing at her bare thighs realizing only now that she was naked. Patrick felt his heart sink. “Why are you naked?” he asked quietly, but he peered at her face and her eyes were closed.

Patrick sighed deeply, wondering what happened to her, to them. He still loved her so powerfully, it hurt him to see her like this and to not be able to comfort her. He felt a little light headed and began to head downstairs to see if anyone was still awake or maybe just to grab a bottle of water. He leaned down and covered her with the blanket before pulling on jeans and walking towards the stairs.

The scene downstairs was almost funny, but mostly devastating. People he knew, people he recognized and people he didn’t recognize were all over the place, laying around either in various states of undress or looking like they had passed out where they fell.

As he continued to glance around he noticed Brendon laying flat out on the couch beneath the stairs, his naked body almost totally exposed to the world. Patrick walked to the couch to see if he could cover the kid up any before he stopped and felt his heart drop again, falling out of his body and onto the floor. He picked up a pair of worn patent leather pumps he recognized all too well, laying closely beside a very familiar pair of panties and jeans. For the first time since they broke up nearly two years ago, he felt like sobbing. How could she do this? He thought he was doing a good job of pretending he generally didn’t care what she did or who she hooked up with, but honestly, he wasn’t over her. It’s not like feelings you’ve had for over a year could just…disappear.

The sadness he felt suddenly turned to a strange shaking rage. All this time she had done nothing but talk about how gross Brendon made her feel, how awful she thought he was and now this? It appeared to him now that feelings you’ve had for over three years could just disappear in one night, so why not feelings that were barely a little over one year old?

“Wake up, asshole!” Patrick hissed harshly at Brendon’s sleeping body. The boy stirred, jolting upright as if Patrick was the villain in his bad dream.

“Holy shit, I was having the worst nightmare…” Brendon whispered back.

“Yeah? Does it involve you fucking my ex-girlfriend!?” Patrick hissed. Brendon’s face fell still. So…it really did happen? This was amazing! …but then he looked at Patrick’s face.

“Dude, I…it was an accide…”

“What? An accident? She was so drunk that you decided to take advantage of the situation because you’re a selfish asshole?”

“Well…yeah generally speaking, I guess…” Patrick shook his head and tossed Brendon his clothes.

“We’ll talk about this later, get some sleep,” he replied, tossing Brendon’s clothes at him.

Patrick was steamed now, beyond pissed. She promised that she would never do this to him! He never wanted to call it off, he didn’t, but all they did was fight, it wasn’t conducive to the working, loving, caring environment he needed the few times he was home to be with her. He arrived back at the bedroom and sighed. The sheet had ridden up her body, exposing the top most part of her thighs and the majority of the soft skin on her back. He wanted to touch her so badly, he wanted to feel her creamy skin on his calloused hands once more, hear her sigh beneath his touch. But he couldn’t, not after what she did tonight. For someone she had always hated so passionately…

The morning brought no new answers to Patrick or Brendon. Since Patrick startled him out of his drunk, post orgasmic dream, Brendon couldn’t get back to sleep. Instead he stayed up thinking about what had happened, and why it probably wasn’t the best idea in the world. It was selfish, he wasn’t going to deny that. but it had been torture to him every time he saw her with Patrick. Every kiss and embrace he watched them share he had always thought: why not me? Now he had had his turn, it was time to let go and keep it a memory for him to always return. He knew it wasn’t over, however, and he wasn’t sure she was even conscious enough to remember what had happened…

She felt a warm beam on her bare legs and slowly opened her eyes to a bright, warm sunny Las Vegas day…and her head began pounding. What happened? She didn’t even recognize where she was, but recognized how naked she felt, looking down at the sheet that was barely covering her body anymore. She rolled over onto her back and let her arm fall at her side, only to hit something she hadn’t noticed was there before.

“Patrick?” she questioned. He was clothed, so she was hoping they didn’t hook up the night before, or maybe she was hoping. She wasn’t sure. Patrick heard his name and opened his eyes, he still hadn’t gotten any sleep.

“How are you feeling?” he questioned, using all of the willpower he had to keep his eyes away from her bare thighs and shoulders.

“Like shit, my head kills. What happened? Why am I naked?”

“You slept with Urie,” Patrick said rolling over on his side so he didn’t have to look at her. She let her foot slip off the bed and it hit the floor, the sheet sliding down her body, sagging around her waist.

“No…nuh-uh. Please, for the love of god, please tell me your lying…where are my clothes?” Patrick sighed.

“Down stairs, on the couch, laying next to all of Brendon’s clothes.” She put her head in her hands.

“No, no, no, no. Patrick!”

“What?!” He snapped. He’d had enough of this. He hadn’t been able to get back to sleep because all he kept picturing was Brendon digging his nails into her hips while she straddled him and moaned his name. It was making him sick.

“Why are you yelling at me?” Patrick sat up and turned to look at her, his breath caught in his throat as he got a glimpse of her bare shoulders, chest, and stomach. She reached down and grabbed the sheet, pulling it over her body.

“I hate how you’re making me feel right now! Damn it! I’m so fucking confused over you. One minute I feel like I can be okay without you and then I realize this thing with you and Brendon, its breaking my heart.”

“Patrick…it’s not like I cheated, we broke up! Yeah I was drunk, and Brendon knows I don’t like him like that. I’m not really sorry it happened, but Patrick, you can’t be mad at me. Last night was too insane for me to even begin to understand how I even hooked up with Brendon, but, please, Patrick, don’t let this spoil everything we’ve worked hard to fix.”

“I just…it hurts, you know? You’re still here with me,” he pointed to his heart, “I haven’t been able to even look at a girl and think anything more than they’re all just friends and now you’ve done this.”

“Patrick until you know what you want from me, I’m going to be continuing to do what I want to do for me,” she replied, standing up and loosely holding the sheet around her body so it sagged to show her whole back. Patrick felt a chill run up his spine. “Goodbye, Patrick.” She left the room, as Patrick stared at her as she slowly walked down the stairs, a haze surrounding her body…

AN: Hmm, I don’t even know what to make of that ending. Don’t ask me to continue it though, this is OVER. lol! “Papercut” is up next!