I miss you

It happened again. It never fails. I can't breathe when I see your face. I'm speechless at your scent that still lingers on my pillow. I refuse to move it, to rid the cloth of unending happiness by the smell of your neck. A perfect day begins with just one wiff. But I feel lonely. An empty scent leaves all to be desired. Missing the warmth of your arms that hold my frame as if I would run away, but about to break. Your voice misses it's appeal without you near, the perfect pitch shattered with the wrong bow. Easy as St. Tropez sand. Smooth as Caribbean seas. A touch better then therapy ever gave...

Hapiness is dark as a moonless night when I can't see the crystal of your eyes. Emeralds in the shadows, used to find their ways to the best kept secrets. A charming, beautiful exterior. Inside only surpassed by the true greatness that can only be seen by those who are enough to look deep. Your soul soars with the minds that you pray for, the color of roses, an aura matched only by words you speak when no one else can hear you...

Refusing to forget and waiting with baited breath until all is easily remembered, I hung on. Dew to the morning leaf. A dulcet tone whispers into the cooling, northern air. The you I love that only the Lord knew before. A life saving note that wavers high and sweet about the others. Notes finally reaching their full potential, never ceasing until they reach their ultimate, melodic climax

The unforgotten night when trees swayed willingly with the beat of our affection. The wind blew enough to help transport us into night gone day. Dawn slivered up the coast, barely breaking our pace. Meaninful, valuable praises and propositions turned ordinary stars into bubbles of hope and desire. A craving greater than the fight for untiy, which unashamedly crashed down into every nerve. Ecstasy unknown to those who never wait, know to only those who listened for the perfect song to memorize it's words and tone...

Love paints a rainbow with colors of the brightest pigment. Jade orbs light my night with paths only seen by those willing the search. Scent that lingers as a reminder and safety, an easy mark to know you're home. Therapeutic rhythms seen with walking, heard with talking and understood with touch. Sight becomes unnecessary baggage when souls do it all. A soul knows better than the heart or the mind. You can think it with your head, feel it with your heart, but understand it utmost with your soul...

This one actually has a date on it. 8/01/04. yep.

this particular piece was inspired by this:

Yeah, that's Zac Hanson. No I don't know him, but this is what flowed out of me...(is 'flowed' a word?)

A restless boy sits by the window, staring out at the world, still unaware of just how big of a world it is, and he dreams.

He doesn't yet know about the life that lies ahead of him, about the people he will meet, about the stories he will have. he only know of the tiny town in which he lives with his large, ever growing family.

He doesn't yet know the girl he will marry or the girl who will cause such a stir in his soon to be shaken earth. He doesn't know of the world's cruel slap, the tears he will shed because life gets so unfair. He doesn't know the pain that awaits him, or the joy that awaits him. He doesn't know. How I long to tell him. How I long to tell this boy to be careful, to not forget me or the life he once knew so well, but has now strangely pushed aside. I'm sorry, I'd tell him, but life isn't as easy as your young mind thinks now. You will wake up tomorrow and recieve a phone call that will change your life, please don't forget this moment. The wat you are so innocent now, how you know nothing of the world's injustices. Becuase soon you will be ripped from this life and thrown head first into a new one.

Please, I'd beg, please remember me, this window, this house and this life. I know years from now, you will be hard pressed to find this peace again. Don't change your soul, it's so beautiful, I'd tell him, so kind, thoughtful and creative. I love you, I'd tell this boy, I know you like no other, I never want you to forget that. You are my brother, I'd say, please, don't ever forget that.

AN: Okay, so these days, I’m sort of going through ebbs and flows with Panic. I just watched them be guest programmers on that show Rage and like, holy crap, I never knew Spencer was actually funny and when Jon says fartknockers and Ryan asks “and why aren’t you eating flapjacks?” and the part where Ryan pokes Jon’s face and Brendon randomly says “fuck”, it’s just too much. But I still think they are assholes…carry on….

Chapter 3: You say you don't but you don't know

“You say you don't want to, tell me that you love me.”

Feeling in a much better mood then yesterday, Addison decided to start putting her best face forward. She turned when she saw a body moving out of the corner of her eye and flashed a smile at the figure. Ryan rubbed his eyes as he advanced on the coffee pot, with stale coffee from the previous day, intentionally ignoring the grin on Addison ’s face. He still didn’t like her and he certainly wasn’t going to let suddenly pull a 180 with her attitude and start being fake and phony.

            Morning, Ryan!” she said, trying her best to be nice. He stared at her a minute, and then proceeded to rummage for pop-tarts. Addison glared at the back of Ryan’s head, internally groaning at his childishness. A second later, Jon appeared rubbing his tired eyes and joined Ryan in her search for a quick breakfast.

            “Morning…” Addison said, glancing at Jon, her voice a little less cheerful. Jon emerged victorious and handed a bag of pop-tarts to Ryan, and turned himself to look at Addison, feeling a shy smile play on his face. She looked good for just waking up.

            “Hey,” he said. Addison smiled and immediately decided that he had to be more mature then the rest of the lot. Jon sat down beside her on the couch and turned to her, thinking they may have all judged her too soon and that Brendon may have been onto something. He was about to ask her something about herself, when Brendon slid his body into the front section of the bus and smiled at everyone, making Addison nearly fall off the couch.

            “Morning…hey Addison,” he said, still grinning. She smiled at him politely, dumbfounded by the effect his smile had on her. Ryan tossed Brendon some breakfast and he sat down on the adjoining table.

            “So, Addison, I wanted to ask you yesterday but things were so busy, what made you get interested in a career like music management?” he asked. Jon snapped his mouth shut and glared at Brendon, he was never the jealous type, but Brendon was always stealing the spotlight…

            “It’s kind of funny actually,” she said, surprised that he even cared, “I actually knew a group that was so horribly managed that it made me realize how much of a better job I could do. That’s initially what sparked my interest,” she replied giggling.

            “isn’t that slightly conceded?” Ryan said, his tone matter-of-fact. Addison sighed and rolled her eyes.

            “Aren’t you the pot calling the kettle black,” she replied. Brendon snorted.

            “Wicked burn, dude,” Jon replied smiling to himself as Spencer groggily appeared where everyone was, Zack trailing behind him.

            “Morning, assholes,” Spencer said, earning a small grin from everyone, except Ryan. Addison smirked; thing Ryan’s heart was obviously made of stone.

            “Guys, hurry up and put some clothes on, we’re almost in L.A. now,” Zack said fully dressed himself. Addison felt herself blush; she was still dreading the fact that she had to change in front of these strangers. She stood and walked to her bunk, grabbing clothes for the day and retreating to the small bathroom. Brendon stood quickly and walked to the bus’s back section, hoping to catch a glimpse of something more on Addison, he needed fuel for his fantasies. She had fallen asleep before anyone else and the on her bunk curtain was open just enough for Brendon to take in the sight of her modest cleavage and her tan, slim thighs. He couldn’t help the dream he had, he felt himself got hot at just the thought. He must’ve been standing there thinking about his dream longer then he intended to, for Addison came stumbling out of the bathroom, fighting with her belt and slammed into him.

            “Oh shit, Brendon I’m sorry!” she said. He felt himself turn bright red, thinking that she had to be hearing her own moans inside his head. She shook her head at him when he just grinned at her goofily; Brendon smacked himself internally as she pranced away. Brendon looked back after he heard laughter from behind him to see Jon standing there staring at him.

            "Holy shit, dude. You have a total boner for that girl. It's hilarious," he said, still laughing as he pulled on his t-shirt. Brendon looked at the ground and then smacked Jon.

            "Shut up. I think she's hot, yeah, but she pretty much hates us so what does it matter?" he said, now glaring at Jon. He shrugged, walking away from Brendon as the bus slowed down to a halt...

            Addison felt herself nearly sprint off the bus, running for pavement and in desperate need of fresh air. She wasn't sure, if busses were normally that stuffy, or if the tension made the air feel thick, but it was nice to finally breathe the outdoors, even if it was smog-ridden Los Angeles air. She caught of glimpse of Bob walking off the other bus, followed by Panic's additional musicians and a few tech people. Bob smiled at Addison, the excitement of what was coming from the day clearly shown on her face.

            "Good morning," she said happily, approaching the man she was now calling her mentor. He greeted her back and introduced her to some people she didn't get a chance to meet two days prior. He motioned for her to follow him and they approached the backstage area, Addison watched in awe as Bob talked to who she assumed was the owner of the venue, he was so persuasive and really seemed to know exactly what he wanted the band to take from the venue and give to their fans. After a while of this chatter, Bob told Addison to go collect the boys and bring them back to sound check. Apparently equipment arrives a day ahead of the actual performers, a fact Addison was unaware of, she was learning already.

            Determinedly, she walked back outside to the bus and found Zack, letting him know that it was time for the boys to go sound check, informing him that some fans were already waiting. He nodded, handing Addison her VIP pass, to ensure that if she were caught amongst the fans, she would be able to get out. She walked onto the bus and was met with an icy stare from Ryan, he was sure she was about to get bossy with them.

            "Hey guys, I have to take you inside for your sound check," she replied. Ryan scoffed to himself, he was right.

            "Why isn't Bob here?" he asked her, his tone thick with an arrogant attitude. Addison turned and stared at him, her mouth slightly agape.

            "Um, he's inside. I'm just doing what I was fucking told to, Ryan," she said, feeling her temper begin to rise. When the curse word came strongly out of her mouth, both Spencer and Ryan whipped their heads around to look at her, realizing she might not be someone they wanted to mess with.

            "All I did was ask a simple question," Ryan replied standing and walking himself up to her, "you have a lot of nerve," he said simply, their eyes matching each other in intensity.

            "Get the fuck out of my face. I don't want to kick your ass on the first day of the tour," she said, her blood beginning to boil under her skin.

            Brendon and Jon exchanged glances; Spencer was staring wide eyed at the scene in front of him. He knew his friend and knew that when tempted, Ryan could show more guts then anyone would guess.

            Addison stepped up another step, making her level with Ryan, she felt her breath beginning to get shallow, and he was really getting under her skin in the worst way. She went to step at him, her tightly curled fist rising to make an attempt at his face, when she felt someone grab her around the waist and pull her off the bus as she watched Ryan’s beat red face disappear from her vision.

            She shoved her way out of the embrace and turned to see Zack was the one who just rescued Ryan from having his face rearranged. She shoved away from him and tore off towards the venue in a heated stomp, impatiently waiting for the boys to finish their sound check. The tension between the boys, their crew and Addison had of course escalated, only added to her silent rage. The whole entourage had heard of Addison’s attempt at fighting with Ryan and she was now on watch with Bob.

            Bob had given her a lecture about responsibility and the importance of actually getting along with the group that you are over seeing. She rolled her eyes when he was out of her vision and retreated to her bunk. Everyone was on a break until it was time to prepare for the show and she wanted to take a nap, hoping to calm her nerves.

            She felt herself beginning to slip into a restless sleep, when she suddenly heard someone calling her name. She groaned and snapped her eyes shut, recognizing the voice to be Brendon’s.

            “Addison? Where are you? I want to talk to you,” she heard him saying. She gave up on ignoring him and waved her hand out of her bunk and he advanced on her quickly.

            “What got into you today?” he asked her, sitting down beside her in the bunk. She shrugged. Sometimes her fuse was short with people she really disliked and Ryan was unfortunate enough to be on that list.

            “Well, just so you know, it was actually kind of sexy on you…” he said, his voice beginning to trail off towards the end of his sentence. Addison quickly removed her gaze from the low ceiling and stared wide eyed at Brendon’s comment. Was he really this stupid?

            “Um, my short fuse is nothing to get a hard on over,” she said, finding her voice was full of astonishment. He shrugged.

            “I’m just saying. I like a girl who can handle herself,” he said. She couldn’t help but let a small giggle escape her lips. He looked like a little boy trying to explain why he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He cleared his throat and looked at her, smiling a little when he saw he had made her laugh, even though he wasn’t trying to.

            “Addison, um…do you mind if I…” he said, not really sure if this was okay to do. He had only known the girl for two days. She sat herself upright and stared at his large, brown eyes. She knew what he was going to ask and threw caution to the wind as her eyes landed on his soft lips.

            “I think I might actually like that, Brendon,” she replied, smiling softly. His eyes caught hers and he leaned in quickly, fearing that going slow would give her enough time to change her mind. Addison sighed as his lips crashed with hers; he was actually a smart kisser. She let her left hand travel to the back of his head and pulled him a little closer, Brendon feeling his stomach flip at the sensation of being so close to her.

            Neither of them were sure exactly how long they sat there making out, their kissing becoming more heated with each passing second, but next thing they knew it was six in the evening and it was time for Brendon to go get ready. He reluctantly pulled away from her and sighed. They both stood up and walked off the bus back towards the venue silently; neither of them knew what was okay to say…

I wrote this in 2004 and i just found it in a drawer. I have another one shot I might type up cause I'm so bored. but I just amended the names to people you guys can relate to, lol. and I gave it a title, it never had one. So, here it is:

"Death is Misleading"

"memories like embers, keep us warm."

Lost. Lonely. Forgotten. Cold. All words that described her current feelings. Staring out the window, she expected to see her mom's car come into the driveway, but ultimately knowing that was impossible. She was gone and now, she was alone. No family to take her in, her mom was it, that was all she had. Suddenly she knew what to do. She packed a bag and hoped in her car and headed north. Patrick. She had to get to Patrick. She hadn't cried yet, she couldn't cry alone, how lame was that?

Hours later, she walked calmly through the pouring rain to his front door. She prayed he was home. The thought that he might now be home came to be too much for her. She started to cry. Her breath became short and her already rain blurred earth in front of her became worse. She heard faint foot steps through the thunder pounding around her. Please, please, please let the be him. The door opened slowly and a blurry figure floated into her veiw. The figured waded in the water for a minute, then she felt comfort. The comfort she thought she had lost forever. She broke into hysterics, clutching onto the feeling of his warm, strong arms around her, she felt safe. Not so alone once more...

Chapter 2- 'I wish I had her', are the words that I say...

I'm looking forward to how lonely I will stay, cause you don't have me.

Addison sat herself down on the plush couch that was seated on the left hand side of the bus. She peered around, glancing at the small kitchen area, the huge wide screen TV, and wondered how the hell people lived like this for so long. It was nice for a visit, but she was sure it got maddening in a very short amount of time. She smiled as Bob approached her again, he was the only person she felt comfortable around at the moment and was grateful to be his shadow for this internship, because he seemed passionate about what he did and it was exhilarating to her. He began explaining to her the other bands he managed and told her that after he was comfortable with her level of expertise, he was going to let her be on her own for a little, but it wouldn’t happen until almost the end of the tour.  Addison felt her stomach flip at the chance to manage an insanely popular band all on her own. She hoped by that point in the tour, the boys would recognize her more as an authority figure and respect her, even though she was their age…

            Spencer wasn’t sure, but something about this girl was rubbing him the wrong way. After he watched her eyes flicker with pure enjoyment at the things Bob was promising her, he started to the back of the bus, which harbored a really comfortable wrap around couch, another wide screen TV and a table. The other three boys were sitting there, with Ryan plugging in his Playstation so they could get down to their favorite hobby on the road.

            “What do you think about Addison?” he asked, shutting the door behind him. Jon looked up at him from his notebook and shrugged. Jon couldn’t have cared either way, she was just there to learn about a job and that was all. He wasn’t going to take shit from her; if that’s she thought was going to happen. He was older and had probably been in the music business longer than her. Brendon stood up and walked to the small fridge in the corner of the room and smiled to himself. He knew he had never dated a girl, who looked like Addison, but there was something more to her, he just knew it. He wanted her to trust like him, he wanted to mention how he felt odd around her, but, how would he say that to his friends, who were pretty apparent about their feelings towards her in their silence.

            “Well,” Ryan said, finally speaking up from his task, “I think she seems like a total bitch. And I bet she doesn’t even listen to our music. I’m sure she doesn’t know one damn thing about us and could probably care less. Way to go Bob for picking an intern who really knows her shit,” he finished. Spencer nodded.

            “That’s how I was feeling,” he said. Ryan and he had been friends for so long, he figured that they would feel similar in this situation; they usually shared a brain wave…

            “Well, I’ve got to get on the other bus. But, Addison, thank you so much for shadowing me. You seem very passionate about this subject and it’s refreshing to a guy like me. I hope you enjoy this experience; I want this to be rewarding and helpful for you. I’ll catch up with you in our first city, huh?” Bob said, standing up and once more shaking her hand. She beamed her perfect smile at him and nodded.

            “Thank you so much for this opportunity. I’m sure it will be more then rewarding,” she said, keeping her seat. Bob nodded and turned his back, walking off the bus and telling the driver it was time to get moving. Addison sighed as the door closed and the bus lurched forward. The tour was off to a good start. The band she was supposed to be learning about where completely ignoring her, she wasn’t even on the same bus as the man she was shadowing and she had never felt so alone.

            Addison wasn't sure when, but she fell asleep merely minutes into the trip to the first city, which was Los Angeles, and was woken up at what she thought had to have been late evening.

            "Hey, Addison? Are you hungry, we've stopped for food," she heard a voice say over her. She groaned and sat up, not happy about moving from the dent she created in the soft couch. She blinked her eyes open to see herself staring down a pair of soft brown ones. She felt oddly attracted to the eyes, thinking that maybe she was dreaming. But she quickly snapped out of it and realized that the eyes she was looking at belonged to Brendon. She sat up quickly and rubbed her face, feeling disgusted at her moment of attraction. Brendon smiled shyly at her and she nodded, thinking that food might be a good idea. She quickly ignored the boy sitting across from her, still feeling haunted by his eyes, and walked off the bus.

            Addison slowly trekked her way to the rest stop, which was one of those nice ones with a McDonald's, Cinnabon and Starbucks. Naturally, she found Ryan and Spencer ordering lattes and Jon chatting up some girl at the Cinnabon.  Addison rolled her eyes at the three of them, still dreading the next few months that she would have to live in close contact with these freaks. Brendon walked inside a few paces behind her and stopped short when he got another good look at her. He kept his eyes focused on the view he had of her perfect ass, and continued over to Ryan and Spencer. He leaned against the counter, now observing the slenderness of her legs and the hourglass shape her body had in her jeans.

            "Um, what are you staring at?" Spencer asked, looking right at where Brendon was looking. Feeling startled, he shook his head and peered at Spencer, whose eyes were definitely beginning to put two and two together.

            "Um, nothing. I was just…admiring…" he really didn't have a good word to finish his sentence.

            "Addison's ass? Dude, she's such a bitch. And she's totally not your type. Come on, now," Spencer said. Brendon shook his head. Maybe she didn't look like the girls he normally falls for, but maybe that's why he was so unlucky in love. Maybe he was just looking at the wrong thing.

            "What about Addison's ass?" Ryan said, gripping his latte. Brendon sighed, annoyed by his friends.

            "Nothing!" he said and stormed off in Jon's direction. Ryan and Spencer exchanged glances, their brain waves syncing and both knew what the other was thinking. Ryan nodded and stared at Addison.

            Addison grabbed her fruit and walnut salad and bottle of water and marched back out to the bus, ignoring the boys as much as possible, thought she felt Ryan's eyes burning holes into her. She wasn't sure what she did, but he was really getting under her skin, they all were, and she had only been with them for barely ten hours.

            When she was done munching her fruits in silence, feeling eyes looking at her sneakily, she had enough of the stares and whispers and decided it was time for bed. She suddenly realized that she was the only girl on a bus full of five guys and a bus driver…she had to change and shower in front of them, everyday. Addison had so shame when it came to her body, she worked hard on it and was proud, but she was uncomfortable as hell with these guys. She reached into her bunk and pulled out her pajama's, toothbrush and face wash, retreating to the midsized bathroom, shutting the door the bunks behind her. She finished in the bathroom and climbed in the bunk, which she recalled was across from Brendon's. She climbed in and closed the curtain, taking out her Ipod and shoving the headphones in her ears. She had enough of this awkward day and was ready to just sleep, but every time she closed her eyes she saw that smile and those lips…

            Ryan watched carefully as Addison slammed the door shut behind her, and then whipped his head around to stare at Brendon.

            "Don't even tell me you have a crush on her? Yeah, she's got a really nice body, but so what, dude? She's kind of a bitch," Ryan said, staring at his friend in awe. Jon snorted.

            "Ryan, if he likes her, so what? What are you, still in high school?" he asked. Ryan huffed.

            "No…it's just that it's obvious she hates us. So, unlike Brendon, I have enough sense to hate her back," he said. Spencer smiled slightly. Brendon stood up and threw his trash away and walked back to stand in front of Ryan.

            "If you don't shut the fuck up about Addison now, you're going to make this tour fucking hell for everybody. Just get the fuck over it," Brendon said with his tone full of anger and exhaustion. He had nothing but the highest hopes for the tour, he was really looking forward to it and he hated that it was all going downhill when it hadn't even been a day. He didn't like Addison, per say, she was hot and all Brendon was doing was appreciating her beauty…

            Addison woke up the next day to find herself totally in a foreign place. She had a sudden moment of panic when she couldn't recall where she was, but came crashing back down when she remembered. She shoved the curtain open and stepped out, giggling to herself and she looked around and five bunks, each with an arm or a leg hanging out of it. She could hear snoring too, and rolled her eyes, glad she had her Ipod, or she probably would've been woken up. She stepped out of the bunk area and into the front part, sat down on the couch and sighed. She had come to realization that she really knew nothing about these guys and she maybe wasn't giving them a fair chance. She knew already that she and Ryan were going to take a lot of work to build their friendship, but that she might be able to gain an ally in Brendon…

"Looking for a Song to Sing" by getupngo

Chapter One: They Said Take a Breath, Look Around…

"It cuts so deep they failed to say. This rock n roll razorblade…"

Relieved to finally be off the crowed plane, feeling her claustrophobia beginning to get the best of her, Addison walked to the nearest rest room. She stared at herself in the mirror and wondered what the fuck she was getting herself into. Her mom warned her that if she kept such a negative attitude towards the band, she was guaranteeing herself a bad time. She didn't care though, she heard what she heard and guilty until proven innocent was just her way.

            She headed for the entrance of the airport and checked her paper for the person she was supposed to be meeting. Zack…

            Zack was sitting in his rented SUV, pondering getting out of the car and looking for this girl. He had no picture of her, just a name and he was going to feel like an ass if he had to stand there like a limo driver holding a name. He walked inside the entrance, and stood there, waiting to see a girl who looked about twenty and totally lost, he assumed that would be her.

            Addison came prepared for meeting Zack, asking her roommate to find a picture of him online before she left. She had a vague recollection of what the guy looked like and kept it in her mind and she wandered to the airport exit where pickups where supposed to be. Then she spotted him, a guy about six foot and looked like, well someone's bodyguard. She took a deep breath and thought, here goes nothing.

            "Are you Zack?" she asked softly, walking up behind him. He spun around and looked down at her, feeling surprised that she was actually quite good looking.

            "Addison?" she nodded. "Cool, let's get going, we're already going to be late," he added, turning his back to her and she followed him to the SUV waiting outside.

            "Nice to meet you, too," she mumbled to herself.

****************

            After sitting in complete silence for the longest half hour she could ever remember, she was bummed to see three tour busses outside of someone's suburban home, luggage lining the sidewalk. It hit her then that she was obviously going to get no time to get to know these guys before they had to live together in the smallest of all spaces. It only added to her forming hatred…

            "I pretty sure I forgot something," Ryan stated as he stared around his room, which had been stripped of most of his clothes and was now just furniture. Brendon was leaning against the doorway, looking completely uninterested in what Ryan was saying, but nodded anyway.

            "We always forget something; we'll just buy it if we need it. This tour is going to be amazing, I just want to get it started already," he said, walking forward and sitting down on Ryan's bed.

            "Yeah, why aren't we leaving yet? Are we still waiting for that girl?" he asked. Brendon shrugged. He looked out of the bedroom window just in time to see a black SUV pull up behind the tour busses. He watched as Zack got out of the car and a girl stepped out of the passenger seat, looking a little annoyed. He had to stop himself from gasping out loud. She was beautiful. She was slender, and had beautiful brunet hair and was dressed like she belonged in an American Eagle mailing flyer. Those girls were hardly his type, but he couldn't deny she was easy on the eyes.

            "Damn, she's kind of hot," Ryan said walking to the window and peering out, watching the girl sit her many bags of luggage down with the rest of them as some of the crew began to load up the busses.

            Jon was sitting on the front porch, letting the minutes pass by, not worrying about a damn thing. He saw the girl and nodded, glad she wasn't a total hag like he had been picturing. He didn't know why, but he was just assuming that she was going to be an ugly dork of a girl, who would whine and moan about everything that's wrong with music today and sit in the back of the bus listening to her classic rock on vinyl.

            Addison sighed as she saw two boys peering out at her from an upstairs window, and one looking at her without any sort of feeling whatsoever from the front porch. She adjusted her purse on her shoulder and let her flip flops slap the ground as she approached the porch. She decided to try her best to be friendly and smiled at the guy sitting on a chair.

            "Hey," she said, walking up to him with her hand extended, "I'm Addison." Jon nodded and shook her hand.

            "Jon." She nodded and felt awkward. She knew nothing about this band expect all the bad things she heard and their music, thanks to her roommate, and had no way of carrying on a conversation. Thankfully the front door opened and a man stepped out and was the first person to look friendly towards her.

            "Addison? So glad you made it, I'm Bob McLynn," he said, holding his hand out for her to shake. She turned away from Jon and smiled at Bob. She shook his hand and he motioned for her to step inside the house. She nodded as she walked past him and into the foyer. She peered around and followed him into what looked like the kitchen/dining room area. Another boy was sitting at the kitchen table with a girl who looked about seventeen. They both looked at her and she threw them her best smile. The girl said hi and the boy continued to just look at her.

            "Spencer, this is Addison. Get used to her, she's not going anywhere for a while," he said. Spencer nodded and turned away from her and continued to talk to the girl sitting beside him. Addison rolled her eyes in annoyance at his rudeness and turned back to Bob. He handed her a stack of papers and began explaining technical junk that was thoroughly engrossing to her. She was getting excited by going on tour and keeping all kinds of secrets from all those rabid fans. She was excited about the whole thing, although she still wished she was interning for Fall Out Boy's manager or something, at least she knew they were cool. As Bob wrapped up his lecture and rules speech, Ryan and Brendon came down the stairs, Brendon practically running up to meet this girl.

            "Hey, Brendon, Ryan, this is Addison. She's going to be around all tour, so try being civil with her, huh? You all have no choice but to bond, considering we had to squeeze her onto your bus. Sorry about that, by the way," Bob commented to her.  Addison shrugged and checked Brendon up and down. He wasn't bad looking; he just looked like he must be completely annoying. And this Ryan kid looked like a total asshole. He just radiated a cockiness that forced Addison into instant distain for him. Plus she was going over in her head the fact that she was going to be sharing a bus with these four guys and their body guard. Lucky her.

            "I'm Brendon," he said turning to her and flashing a smile she assumed made the teenies weak in the knees. She flashed him her equally beautiful smile and introduced herself. Ryan just stood there, staring past her and out the window to the backyard. Brendon looked over at him and smacked his shoulder.

            "Don't be rude," he mumbled to Ryan.  Addison shifted as his eyes looked her up and down. He obviously didn't know her at all, or he would know that he just performed one of her biggest peeves, and that it was the first strike against him.

            "I'm Ryan. How old are you?" he asked her. She almost wanted to tell him, old enough to hurt you and feel no remorse, but replied honestly. He nodded at her response and meandered off to the table to sit with Spencer and that girl.

            Brendon rolled his eyes at Ryan, getting the vibe from Addison that she was really not liking them. Brendon didn't want her to hate him at least, so he tried his best to open dialogue. He was about to ask her how she got interested in music management when Zack came into the house to tell everyone to grab their stuff and pile onto the bus. Addison sighed and walked to the front door to pick up her duffle bag and purse. She was the first one to the bus and stepped inside, feeling her jaw drop in astonishment. She had only ever seen busses like this on "The Fabulous Life of…" on VH1 and almost peed herself in excitement that she was actually getting to live in one. She knew she would probably hate it in about an hour, but decided to try and make the best of it. She was about to throw her duffle bag on a bunk in the back, but was met with an annoyed voice.

            "I sleep there, sorry. Any other one but that one," she heard from behind her. She almost gasped out loud at the comment and turned around to meet the voice it belonged to. Ryan threw his backpack into the bunk and shrugged at her. Addison had to stop herself from throwing a punch at the face that was so adored by her roommate. She couldn't wait to call her and tell her what a jackass he was, but she knew her roommate would never believe it. Feeling it was probably best to let it slide, she stepped to the next bunk and put her bag down.

            "Right across from me, good choice," she heard Brendon say. She turned around to see him sit two bags in the bunk across from her and he smiled.

            "We’re going to have a lot of fun, I promise," he told her, placing his arm around her shoulder. She looked at him and sneered.

            "I'm sure," she replied, shrugging his arm away and walking to the front of the bus.

            Brendon watched her go and sighed to himself. He didn't know what it was, but there was definitely something about her that he wanted to get close to…

AN: I had a new story idea so I'm gonna roll with it. I kinda hate "Pros and Cons" but I'll update it soon, maybe. I figured seeing Panic! live would rouse some kind of story in me and it did, but it's pretty mean…at least for a while. This first part is super short, but it's an intro, not a chapter, so the real story starts after this. Read and comment!

I present "Looking for A Song to Sing" by getupngo

"I'm looking for my radio, so I might find a heart to follow…"

            Addison grumpily walked away from her meeting with her internship counselor, thinking about how annoyed she was that this should be a happy moment. She landed her dream internship of being manager for a famous, touring band, but why had this band chosen her? Couldn't they have picked someone else, anyone else?

            She fumbled with her plane ticket, upset that she was given only one week notice to pack for a minimum of five months worth of life. She would need to have absolutely everything necessary with her and then some. She wanted to feel excited, she planned for this to be one of the best times in her life, but she felt like she was going to put a damper on it by the fact that she disliked this band and everything they did.

            Panic! At the Disco in her eyes was bad music, a lot of razzle dazzle without the talent. She was so upset by the choice that was made. Whose idea was it to put her on tour with these assholes anyway?

******************

            As she sat in the uncomfortable plastic seat, waiting for her flight to be called, she flipped through her Ipod, upset that she shared it with her roommate and best friend, who was in love Panic! at the Disco and begged to come along. She just wanted to fuck Ryan, and while Addison was dreading this experience with all her heart and soul, she wasn't planning on fucking up her job by dragging turbo slut with her a little added drama. Extra drama was going to be highly unnecessary.

            She was dreading this experience for reasons mostly due to rumors she heard about their cocky attitudes and the horrible way they treat their fans. She had no proof to the matter that any of this was factual, but she had heard too many stories to think it was just made up.

            She yanked her headphones off as she heard her flight was beginning to board. With no one to wave her off, she simply stood in line and boarded her plane, headed to from New York to Las Vegas. She had also wanted to visit Vegas, but never dreamed she would be meeting the city like this. "Leave it to Panic! to ruin a good fantasy", she thought.

AN: So this is a one shot about Pete. The girl is totally anonymous, and its 100% sex, so…deal with it. I don't know why Pete turned me on like this, but I'm annoyed that I enjoyed this.

Ps- If you want to hear the song that this story is titled for ask me for it, because I doubt you will be able to find it.

Title: "Venus Butterfly" - Hidell

"Burn like a gasoline"

"It’s running all the way down through your jeans."

Pete stirred as he heard a faint tapping sound that kept repeating. He groaned to himself as he got out from under the warmth his blankets were providing him. He was so tired he thought he could never wake up again; he had just spent the night in a screaming match with his parents after they found him in a compromising position with his new girlfriend. He was immediately grounded and was forbidden to see her anymore. Like that was going to stop him, it never stopped him.

            He proceeded to the window where the tapping was coming from and smiled when he saw his gorgeous girlfriend standing on his lawn up to her ankles in snow. He didn’t remember when he got lucky enough to be dating one of the hottest girls in high school, but he was a pseudo jock, star of the soccer team, and he guessed some of the girls liked him for it. He motioned for her to go around to the front door and when he saw her move, he quietly walked down the stairs. His dogs snapped their heads up at the sight of him and he motioned for them to stay quiet as he carefully opened the front door. She was wrapped up in her jacket with a beanie on, a scarf around her neck, gloves on her hands and snow boots on her feet. He smiled at her and she bit her lip in response, feeling her heart beating wildly.

            She had never done something like this before, she was a high honor roll student who never dated one of the bad boys like Pete; but something about him made her want to wreak havoc all across Willamette just like him and his buddies. Pete just liked her not only because she was beautiful, but she was beauty with scars and it just further proved his theory that absolutely no one was perfect.

            He held his finger to his lips as he grabbed her hand and walked her into his house. His dogs scampered up to her, but they stayed quiet and Pete shooed them away as they approached the stairs. He let her walk in front of him and grabbed her waist as he followed her up the stairs. She turned to look at him as they got to the top and he pointed her towards the other set of stairs that led to the attic space that qualified as his room. His room was really like a small apartment and she smiled at it, kind of wishing she could hide out here forever.

            Pete shut the door behind them and walked her over to the bed on the far side of the room and sat down, patting the space next to him. She quietly took off her jacket, gloves and scarf, happy to see that Pete placed a space heater right next to the bed so it was nice and warm in the room. She sat down next to him and turned to stare in his eyes. He smiled at her before leaning in and taking her lips on his. She sighed softly and Pete took it as a sign to get back to where they left off when they got caught only a few hours earlier. He pulled away from her and she edged herself up until she was lying down on the bed. Pete laid down beside her and let his hands begin to unbutton the front of her shirt. She bit her lip, feeling slightly apprehensive about losing her virginity like this. She had wanted to so badly earlier; it was all going so well until they got caught and now she wasn't so sure. She didn't know Pete all that well except for the couple of months they had been dating. He asked her to prom and she knew that they would at least be together for summer.

            She gasped, startled by his lips on her breasts, she had lost herself in her thoughts and forgot what she was getting herself into. She reached her hand up and ran her fingers through his hair. He moaned as he felt her fingers gently rub the back of his head. He felt awkward all of a sudden, not completely sure how to go about doing this right. He had lied to her and told her he wasn't a virgin, but he didn't want her to feel scared, he wanted her to trust him. He had a thought that maybe lying wasn't the best way to do that, but she didn't need to know.

            He slowly slid her blouse off, pulling her arms out of the long sleeves. She sat up and reached back, unhooking her own bra and tossing it onto the floor. Pete smiled at he newly revealed flesh and leaned down, gently sucking on each of her nipples.

            "Oh, Pete," she whispered. He pulled his head up and stared deep into her eyes. She smiled at him and gave him a quick peck on his lips. He leaned in a pecked her again and again, until she reached back and pulled his face to hers, untangling them in a rough, lustful make out. She found some courage inside her and reached down pulling his shirt off which only momentarily distracted him from her lips. Their tongues entwined and she let out a satisfied moan as Pete reached a hand up to cup her breast, gently squeezing and rubbing her erect nipples. She groaned at the sensations, not anticipating his next move and just letting him do as he pleased. He carefully pulled his body up to strattle her, breaking away from their kiss and leaned down, sucking each nipple for a little before kissing her shoulders and down her arms, he kissed her breasts once more and then kissed all over her stomach. She started to move her legs, feeling hot between her thighs and was waiting for Pete to relieve her. He glanced up at her when he had moved his head down between her thighs. She nodded and he leaned down pulling off her boots, quietly sitting them on the floor, and then slowly undid her belt and zipper, pulling her jeans off, letting every inch of her newly revealed skin soak in. She kicked her pants off her feet and Pete leaned forward, pressing her legs apart and gently kissing the inside of her thighs. She whimpered and began to gyrate her hips slightly, she was so turned on she wasn't sure how to be acting.

            Pete smiled, seeing a damp spot on her panties and gave himself a mental high five. Her ran his tongue across the fabric and heard her gasp. He kissed her sex, sucking on the fabric until she reached down and tugged at his hair, telling him that he was torturing her enough. He reached his hands up and slowly pulled her panties away, she kicked them off of her ankles as Pete lightly licked her. She gave a satisfied sigh as he worked his tongue inside of her. She could tell he hadn't done this before, at least not well, because while it felt good, he still hadn't hit that perfect spot. She sat up slightly and Pete looked up at her.

            "Give me your hand," she said softly. He brought his hand up and she carefully placed his index finger on her clit and sighed when they came in contact. "Right there," she added. Pete nodded and replaced his finger with his tongue and she saw stars.

            "That's perfect," she gasped out. Pete smiled to himself and continued to lightly lick and suck her clit. She had brought her scarf up to her mouth and was biting it to make sure she didn't make any noise; getting caught now would be horrible. Her parents would never let her see the light of day ever again. She bucked her hips up wildly one last time as she let an orgasm crash down on her nerves. She closed her eyes as she panted, removing the cloth from her mouth.

            Pete leaned back on his legs and wiped his mouth, feeling light headed from the sensation he received from not only making a girl cum but the intoxicating scent from between her legs. She sat up after a minute and let Pete lie down where she had been and propped herself between his thighs. She quickly noticed the bulge in his sweatpants and rubbed her hand on it, making him groan. She leaned down and kissed his penis through the fabric and he moaned again, this time she leaned forward and kissed his stomach, letting her hand gently rub him.

            "Come on," he urged, his tone full of longing. She giggled.

            "Tell me what you want me to do," she whispered to him. He looked down at her and smiled.

            "I want you to suck my dick," he said. She leaned down and kissed his growing hard-on again through his sweatpants and giggled once more.

            "How do I do that, Pete? Tell me exactly what you want me to do," she said, reaching down and rubbing her own excitement. Pete groaned, he was in another world right now and probably would've said or done anything she asked him to at the point.

            "I want you to run your tongue all over the head of my dick and suck the whole thing in your mouth. I want you to jerk me off while you're sucking, too," he replied. She sighed; feeling satisfied with those directions and went about executing them. She slid the shaft completely into her mouth and sucked gently, releasing it and running her tongue all over the head. She also slowly pulled on his dick and the same time. Pete sat up, resting on his elbows so he could watch her work. It turned him on a lot to just watch her, plus the feelings he was getting on each nerve were quickly escalating and taking their toll on his body. He felt his muscles tighten and gave her warning,

            "I'm going to cum soon, don't stop," he said. She continued her pattern for another minute until Pete wrapped hair all around his fingers and held her head down, releasing his pleasure into her mouth. She gagged at it, this being the first time she ever gave head and pulled herself away, much to Pete's dismay. He laid himself back down and shut his eyes. She crawled up and laid her head down on his chest for a minute before propping herself up on her elbows and looking at him. He reached his hands down and rubbed her arms as he peered at her. She smiled at him and he smiled back, totally content for the moment.

            "Pete, do you think we'll be together for a while? I know I love you now, it's not an issue," she said. He closed his eyes and nodded. He opened his eyes again and cupped her chin with his hand.

            "I love you, too. I want to show you how much I love you and how much you mean to me right now. Will you let me do that?" he asked her. She bit her lip again and felt herself blush. She nodded and barely found courage to gasp out a yes. Pete grabbed his once again growing erection and slowly jerked himself off while he brought his lips to the skin on her neck and she groaned.

            "Pete, I want you to make love to me, please. I can't take it anymore," she gasped out. He pulled his lips away from her neck and gently pressed them against hers. He leaned over to the table in the middle of the beds and shifted a few things until he found his assurance. He opened the condom and clumsily placed it on with shaking fingers, this was really happening. She looked down and watched as he struggled to slide it on, but sighed when he finally did, she was on fire and needed to feel him.

            "Just be gentle, okay?" she asked him. He nodded, nervously placing himself at her entrance.

            "You ready?" he asked, sensing the nervous breaths she was taking. She nodded hurriedly, thinking it was now or never, she was about to change her mind. Pete grabbed her waist with one hand and guided himself in with the other. She was so tight; it was taking effort to slide himself inside her. He felt the head pop in and gasped out as she yelped softly, it hurt.

            "Am I hurting you?" he asked, responding to her noise. She shook her head, hoping the pain would subside quickly. He reached his other hand up and placed it on the other side of her hip and helped her sit down on him. She groaned as he filled her up, slowly pushing him whole length inside of her. She sat down and panted as soon as he was completely in, breathing her way past the pain.

            "You okay, baby?" he asked her, his breath on her ear making her shiver.

            "Yes, please, I need it," she gasped. He slowly pulled himself out and then guided himself back in.

            "Holy shit," Pete said as he quickened his pace. She bit her lip, carefully trying to ignore the pain inside her at hearing how pleased she was making Pete. Then suddenly, something inside her jazzed and she felt it. A wave of intense pleasure washed over her and it made her get light headed.

            "Oh god, Pete. I love you. This feels so good," she said, wrapping her arms around him as she slowly adopted her own pace and begin to grind her hips in time with him.

            "I know. Fuck," he said. He continued his motions, loving the feeling of her working with him to make this moment that much better. He found himself to wanting it to end, but realized that his orgasm was coming on strong.

            "Babe, I'm going to cum. God, I need this," he said, burying his head in her neck. She bit her lips and threw her head back, sitting back down on him hard a few times before she felt him dig his fingers into her waist.

            "Holy fuck, I'm coming Pete!" she said softly but with urgency. He nodded into her neck and grunted as he pounded into her. He slammed up inside her one last time and clung onto her as his orgasm ripped through his body. She too sat down on him and ground her hips, feeling her second orgasm fall on her harder then the first. The pair sat there, holding each other and Pete kissed her all over her face as he tried to catch his breath. He slowly slid himself out of her and tossed the condom into the trash as she settled herself down beside him. He lay down next to her and kissed her shoulder and neck and she said with satisfaction. He placed his right arm around her and pulled her close, nuzzling himself comfortably into her hair, loving the smell of her shampoo.

            He wasn’t sure how long he dozed off, but when he woke up, she was gone and the sun was beating down on him through his window. There was nothing left of her but her panties and post-it attached to his lampshade.

"Well, I think it's time

that you free yourself
That you need yourself
Cause you're flying

 You let him hold your flower
Now he's plucked it clean
…Venus Butterfly"

A few hours later Ryan groaned as he was shaken awake.  Rolling over he was surprised to find that it wasn't Pete waking him up, but Brendon. In fact, taking a quick look around the room told him that Pete was actually no where in sight. Neither were the bags that had been in the corner of the room earlier either.  Nausea set into Ryan's stomach and he clenched his fists before taking a deep breath to ask in the most detached tone he could muster,

            "When did he leave?"

            "About an hour ago. He came by and told me that I should wake you up and get you out of here before any of the other guys come in, he decided to head back to Chicago early. He claimed he got a call about a meeting for Decaydance crap. I tried to convince him to stay, or at least talk to you first, but he just blew me off and said there wasn't anything to discuss anymore, what happened, happened and it was over." Brendon responded in a disgusted tone and after a moment added, "If I thought he was going to act like this I wouldn't have told you to go to him."

            "Whatever. Can you leave so I can get dressed?" Ryan said in a shaky tone that was meant to be dismissive but came out more horrified.

            "Yea, just so you know. He left you a note or something on the desk there." Brendon pointed towards a small writing desk in the corner as he walked out of the hotel room.

            Laying back down Ryan once again stared at the ceiling and contemplated what would happen if he decided to just stay here until Joe came back to go to bed tonight. Today was supposed to be their off day, he could just flop around and watch TV and act like he didn't know Pete had left. Fully naked, in Pete's bed.

            "At this point I don't give a flying fuck about the consequences." he muttered to himself, "although...damn it."

            Finally after a few more minutes Ryan heaved himself out of bed and grabbed his clothing before throwing it on haphazardly, not caring in the slightest if things were on right, as his intentions were to simply go to his own room and fall back into bed and just sleep until his flight in the morning. On the way out of the room he stopped to look at the letter, wondering if he really wanted to even bother reading excuses from someone who obviously didn't feel anywhere near the same as he did.  After a few seconds hesitation Ryan resigned himself to being a pansy when it came to Pete and grabbed the letter to read when he had come to terms with being a one night stand to someone he had fallen in love with and considered one of his best friends.

            When he walked into his room he was surprised to see Jon, Spencer, Brendon and the girls all in his room, usually Brendon was too bitchy about his things to have everyone hanging out around them.  Stopping short in the doorway six sympathetic eyes turned towards him and the sight of that made him snap.

            "Get. Out." Ryan said with a voice of steel. Thankfully without a word all six of them complied and got up to leave to go to the other room. "Oh and Jon," when the other boy turned to him Ryan continued, "You were right." Ryan watched as the older boys eyes went cold and he smiled to himself.  If he wanted to feel a little vindictive towards Pete then what the hell; Being on Jon Walker's shit list wasn't a fun place to be, that man held his friends close like family and if Pete happened to have Jon pissed at him for a while because of what happened, oh well.  He had learned how to be bitchy from the best of them, Brendon and Pete himself. With that last thought Ryan laid down and closed his eyes before drifting back off into sleep so that he wouldn't have to think about what had happened a few hours previously.

===================

            A week later Ryan was once again lying in bed, only this time it was his own bed at home.  They had been back in Vegas for a week and would be heading back to New York in a week to play the Boost Mobile Rock Corps Concert at Radio City.  Downtime had been few and far between since they had recorded the album so this past week had been a relaxing excuse to just pig out and lay around watching tv and playing video games.  Brendon had spent as much time as possible trying to distract Ryan from what had happened but it had never fully left his mind.  So now, lying in his bed he reached over and opened his nightstand to take out the letter that Pete had written.  It was time to find out what had happened.

            Dear Ryan,

                        This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to write...

            The letter went on in that vein for some time. Talking about how hard this was for him.  When Ryan reached the end and saw the words "Please forgive me" he didn't know if he could.  He didn't know if he wanted to.  The truth of the matter was Ryan had laid his feelings out on the line and Pete never actually said how he felt, hell he still hadn't in the half assed excuse of an apology.  Doubt started to fill Ryan's mind, maybe the sex really was just sex, and maybe he really was just a quick lay.  Getting up Ryan wandered down the hall and into his living room.  Looking around the room he spotted a framed picture and smiled remembering it.             

            The picture was of two boys, because that's what they were at heart, Pete and Ryan, both looking so much younger then they did now.  Ironically it was only about a year previous that the picture had been taken on the Nintendo Fusion Tour.  They had been sitting on a couch with their legs up on the coffee table just talking about some random bullshit when someone had snapped the photo. One of the few photos of them that the fans hadn't managed to get their hands on.  It was completely candid but they had both loved it and each had a copy.  He remembered what Pete had said to him when they got the pictures framed and what he had in turn responded.

            "Friends, no matter what right?"
            "As though you could get rid of me."

            Ryan had to wonder if all that had been thrown away in one afternoon because Pete couldn't deal enough to at least stay and talk before deciding to jump ship. Taking another look around, Ryan sat down at his piano and took out a blank sheet of music and opened his notebook that was sitting on top of the bench.

            "At least one of us got some album material out of this experience...." He said to himself before shaking his head and started writing.

            Time might heal all wounds, but sometimes they still leave big old jagged scars to show where a person had been hurt.  It was too soon to tell what kind of scars Ryan would take away from this experience, but as he started to write he realized he would heal, maybe a little more jaded then he had been before and maybe he'd be less likely to just close his eyes and jump.  Hopefully next time the person in question wouldn't be afraid to take the plunge and could drag him over the ledge with them. Falling in love is the most wonderful thing in the world after all when you do it right along with someone else; someone who is hopefully capable of fully loving you back.

=================

A/N:

And so that Dear Reader is our story. We hope you enjoyed our little foray into Pete and Ryan's respective brains.  It was a whirlwind love story that we tried to set up as "realistically" as possible. Since none of us know these boys personally we don't know what may or may not have gone on those three days they were in New York for the VMA's...so....

Did it happen?---->probably not.

Could it have happened?----->sure could have.

And if you think about it, ever since the VMAs there seems to have been NO Panic/FOB interaction, and yes you could argue that FOB is recording and Panic! is touring right now so they are busy.  Before the VMAs when they were touring, not even together, and they were all busy there always seemed to be something. Some mention in an article, some picture popping up somewhere...and now nothing.

Kind of makes you wonder?

Sincerely,

getup_n_go and luckysgc921

Chapter 13- A weight is lifted on this evening, I give the final blow

Pete woke up a few hours later and smiled to himself when he saw Ryan settled comfortably next to him. The memories of what had happened were still fresh and it made Pete feel dizzy.

 Suddenly he wanted nothing more then to run. He didn’t know what he would say to Ryan when he woke up, he just realized that this was never going to work out the way they always hoped it would. He couldn't deny that he was in love with the kid, but he could also never bring himself to say it out loud to anyone. With the exception of Brendon, but he attributed that to the mess in his mind.

Very carefully, Pete slid out of the opposite side of the bed and hunted around for his shirt and pants, sliding them on quickly. He was about to leave when he turned once more to look at Ryan's sleeping frame. He took it in, the way his hair was stuck out in all directions, he hadn't washed the product out of it and it looked like a mess. He took in the way Ryan's long fingers draped across his own stomach and watched them move up and down with his breathing for a minute.

Pete suddenly felt guilty, just leaving the boy high and dry, so he quietly walked to the desk in the corner of the room and sat down, pondering for a second what exactly he was going to tell him. He glanced at Ryan once more who shifted in his sleep and propped his hands under his head and curled up a little more, yanking the blankets up to his neck. Pete smiled and put his pen to the paper and just let it all flow.

Dear Ryan,

            This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to write. I'm sorry to leave you like this, but you know this can't happen. Last night meant everything to me, but I think it's best to leave it at that. It's best to leave with the knowledge that we were all that mattered for a least one moment in time. I won't ever forget the feelings you showed me, something I know I will never get back again, this is really the hardest part. I wish I had the guts to stay around for you forever, but I just don't think I could handle it. I know what heartbreak feels like and I never wanted to put you trough that, especially because of me, but I don't think I could ever be exactly who you want me to be. You deserve nothing but the best in your life and in love and I could never amount to all that you deserve. I know this may sound like bullshit now, but you have to know that I'm trying to do what's best for me in the end. I want you to never forget what we had here, but I also want you to move on and realize that all I want is for everything to be okay. Please forgive me.

Always,

                        Pete

            Pete sighed as he reread the letter. He didn't know what else he could possibly put in it, so he left it sit. Quietly he shoved all of belongings back into his suitcases. He took one final look at Ryan and smiled. He walked over to him and knelt down beside the bed. He carefully placed his lips on the Ryan's and let in linger for a moment, before realizing that now he actually had to leave him, forever. Ryan shifted, and Pete bolted, thinking he was going to wake up. He let the door shut softly behind him and took a deep breath. Pete grabbed his bags and began to drag them down the hall to the elevator. Pete glanced back at the room once more; half hoping Ryan would come out and stop him from leaving, but when the elevator opened Pete realized that it was over, nothing more could come of it.

            He waited outside for his driver to come pick him up and take him to the airport. He sat on his bags and played with his own fingers, his mind reeling from what was happening.

            "Pete?" he looked up to see Brendon approaching him with Jon in tow. Jon was about to approach Pete when Brendon stopped him and told him to go inside, he wanted to take care of it. Jon nodded, Brendon had known Ryan longer anyway and Jon really felt like he was just going to punch the shit out of Pete anyway.

            "So you are just going to leave?" Brendon asked, approaching Pete. He stood up and nodded.

            "I got a call for an emergency meeting at Fueled. I have to go," he said, studying his shoes. Brendon nodded, but wasn't buying a word of it.

            "You should at least stay and talk to him, explain why you are leaving. You're going to hurt him by doing it this way," Brendon said. Pete nodded again solemnly.

            "Don't you think I know that? There is just nothing left to say or do, okay? There is nothing more to discuss and I can't think of the words to make it okay. We made love and it happened, but that’s it. There is nothing more and there will be nothing more because there can't be. It's just…it's going to happen. He shouldn't have gotten his hopes up," Pete replied, sitting back down on his suitcase. Brendon stared at him in awe.

            "His hopes up? Pete, you let him believe you loved him back, but you're just leaving? You are wrong, man. Way wrong. You can't do this to him," Brendon said, trying to keep his tone down but feeling anger rise inside him. Pete sighed and peered up at Brendon.

            "Just drop it. You should go get him before someone finds him in there. I left him a note, he can read it or not. I'll see around," Pete said, standing as he saw his car pull up. Brendon glanced at the car, then back at Pete and shook his head. He couldn't believe he was running away from all of this. Brendon thought about how this was supposed to me an amazing time for them, how they were supposed to be celebrating their win the other night and the fact that they had finally achieved what they set out to do, but here was Pete, ruining everything. Pete waved at Brendon before he shut the door and the car drove off without another word from anybody.

The Pros and Cons of Choosing by getupngo

Chapter Two- Breaking hearts has never looked so cool.

After finishing his spaghetti, Patrick grabbed his keys and headed towards Pete's parents house. He surprised by the amount of people there, you'd think that party was actually at his house. Patrick was greeted at the front door by a very drunk Andy and Dirty, who both motioned for him to come in.

            Patrick grabbed himself a cheap beer out of the tub in the corner, wondering if the party was actually at Pete's house.

            "Duuuuuuuuuuuude!" Pete exclaimed when he saw Patrick. Patrick smiled as he took a sip of his beer.

            "Am I late? Is the party here?" Patrick asked. Pete drunkenly threw his right arm around Patrick's shoulders and slapped the front of his hat with his left hand, dangerously close to spilling his drink all over the carpet.

            "Yeah man. We relocated, the other party was fucking lame, dude! But, here, this is where the real fucking party is. Put down that pussy drink, the real shit is in the kitchen," Pete replied. Patrick nodded and walked out of Pete's lazy embrace, feeling Pete smack his ass as he walked to the kitchen. Patrick laughed and shook his head, wondering if the guy was ever going to grow up…

            No more then two hours later, Patrick found himself wasted and in the middle of what looked like a bad MTV beach house. Except this was Chicago and the music was much better. He soon found himself also dancing with a good looking blond girl, whose name he didn't catch. She was obviously far too wasted to care and Patrick also found himself occasionally kissing the girl's neck all the while taking sips from his drink. He was feeling no pain and couldn't remember a god damn thing about his life. The girl suddenly advanced on him, placing her lips on his to force him into a messy make out. They were both so sloppy drunk that it didn't matter to them who was looking, but perhaps for Patrick's sake he should've been paying a little more attention.

            Before he knew what was happening, he felt the lips being pulled away from him and then felt the stinging of a hand slapping him hard across the face. He opened his eyes to see Josie, her plastic cup poised and ready to be thrown at him. He could see her scowl and amazingly felt nothing, he felt no remorse, he was actually having a hard time remembering her name. He knew that was his girlfriend but what the fuck was her name?

            "Shit," he muttered. Josie scoffed.

            "Shit, Patrick? What the FUCK do you think you are doing? Hello?! Remember me? Your girlfriend? Who the fuck IS that whore? Why are you kissing her? Patrick? Are you going to say something, or I'm I just wasting my breath?" she nagged at him. Patrick felt ill all of a sudden. Now he remembered why he was so plastered in the first place. He couldn't deal with her shit anymore. He shoved past her and walked fast to the closest bathroom and proceeded to feed the toilet his last four drinks.

            Josie stood in the middle of the party, feeling everyone staring at her. She was still awestruck that Patrick was actually kissing another girl. Was she that horrible? Joe and Pete came up on either side of her and placed their arms around her shoulders. They both smiled drunkenly at her.

            "How about you, uh, lose that zero and get with two heroes, Josephine," Joe said, giggling. Pete busted out laughing and let his grip slid away from her.

            "She wishes she could be so lucky!" Pete said still laughing as he walked away from her.

For the first time she could remember in a long time, Josie felt like she was two inches tall. It was like a scene from a teen movie where the antagonist gets stuck in the middle of a bad situation and everything and everyone around her goes blurry and the only thing she can see and feel is her own stupidity and bullshit. She closed her eyes and counted to ten, then stalked off towards the front door and left. She was definitely over her legal alcohol limit, but didn't care, she wanted to go home. Her mind was plagued by the fact that she just hollered at her boyfriend in the middle of tons of people. She really was that horrible. He must've been mortified. She realized suddenly that she was depraving herself of the love both her and Patrick used to fill their tiny corner of the world with. She was depraving herself of the mind blowing sex they used to have on a regular basis. She really did suck, big time. Patrick deserved so much better and she was determined to be better, just for him, for the sake of getting things back where they belonged.

*************************

            Patrick yanked his head away from the toilet seat and leaned back against the wall. He took a couple deep breaths before standing up and rinsing his mouth out. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and shrugged. He looked drunk, like really, really drunk. Then he thought of the way Josie had just yelled at him in the middle of the living room in front of all his friends. She was getting out of hand and it was totally unnecessary.

            Then he realized he was angry. He was really furious with her; he wasn’t embarrassed at her actions anymore, now he was mad. He was just generally pissed at how she had been acting for the past few months they were together. He was mad that he had to feel like a stranger in his own home, he was mad that he wasn't getting laid when he lived with his girlfriend, he was mad that he hated his job, he was mad that he hated his life all together and somewhere in his drunken brain it made sense to blame all of this on Josie.

            He flung the door to the bathroom open and determinedly searched around for Josie. When he didn't find her, he gave up and instead looked for the blond girl he had been kissing earlier. He found her slumped over her friends on a couch in the den. Her friend shook her as he approached and she sat up and stared at him with a cocked smile. He looked good to her, and he just wanted to get even with Josie for yelling at him. This girl looked like the best way to do that. He walked over to her, helped her stand up and then she followed him upstairs to Pete's bedroom.

            Pete watched as Patrick took the girl upstairs. He may have been really wasted, but he knew that this was not a good thing. Patrick would never cheat on Josie, no matter how bad things got, it wasn't like him. But then again, it really wasn’t too much his business, so he let it slide, but his conscience plagued him the rest of the night.

*******************

            Patrick shoved Pete's door open and began to kiss the girl with a heated amount of revenge. She jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her to the bed and laid her down and covered her neck with his saliva. She groaned as Patrick slid his hand up the front of her shirt, finding her nipples and playing with them. The girl let her hands start undoing his belt and slid his pants off. He stepped out of them and began to slide her skirt up her thighs, brushing his fingers against her wetness…

*******************

Choose Your Own:

Option One: Should Patrick continue to sleep with this girl and have Pete come in and interrupt them, reminding Patrick that this wasn't like him? Patrick will go home to Josie, having to face her after his infidelity. More fighting will occur.

Option Two: Should Patrick find his conscience, realize this isn't the way to solve anything and go home to Josie and apologize for his almost infidelity? Make-up sex may ensue…it may.

Option Three: Should Patrick continue to sleep with the girl and wake up the next day only to realize he has to go home and explain why he is so late. Josie will want to explain to him about how wrong she had been and discuss fixing their relationship.

Love is Only Love

Chapter 11- The path into this heart is littered with corpses and strewn with body parts of those who came before

AN: Pete is looking at me with accusatory eyes. It's making me feel bad for writing his super gayness here. But he loves it and knows it's true…right, Pete? Gah! My poster just nodded at me….!!!!!!

*****************************

Neither of them was sure what to say or do next. It was finally out there, all of it. There was nothing left to say, honestly. So Pete did what he thought was the right next move. He slowly approached Ryan, who was staring at Pete like a deer in the headlights. They had both just screamed at each other and the next thing he knew, he had told Pete he loved him. And now he was standing paralyzed as he watched Pete come up to him, standing only inches from his face. Pete let a light smile play on his face; Ryan felt his knees go weak. He didn’t know what to do when he saw Pete begin to lean in, does this mean what he thinks it means? Ryan felt a jolt of electricity course through his veins when Pete's lips crashed with his. Pete pulled back after a few seconds and looked Ryan in the eyes. He could tell he was scared, Pete wasn't exactly feeling one hundred percent brave right now but he had no fear, either. Pete leaned in again, this time placing gentle butterfly kisses on Ryan's lips. Carefully, Pete placed his hand on the back of Ryan's head, pulling his body closer. Ryan gasped into Pete's opening mouth as he felt their tongues collide. Ryan happily let his tongue battle with Pete's, both of them beginning to feel the butterflies deep in their bodies. Pete gently began pushing Ryan backwards, making sure that his legs were right up against the bed nearby. As soon as Ryan felt the backs of his legs touch the bed, he knew he was in over his head. He loved Pete and was sure now that Pete shared in his love, he knew he wanted to feel Pete all over him and inside of him, but he wasn't sure he wanted it now. It was all happening too quickly.

Finally finding some courage, he reached up and pressed Pete backward until Pete detached his lips from Ryan's. Pete looked at him in question, he could feel Ryan erect through his jeans and was wondering why he was stopping him. As soon as Ryan was able to see Pete's eyes, all of his doubt faded quickly. He knew that no matter what happened between them after this moment, they would never be without the knowledge of each other's affections. Ryan shook his head and Pete grinned again, advancing on him. Ryan wrapped his arms around Pete's back and their kiss went from light to heavy. Pete slid his hands down from Ryan's head, letting his fingers gently graze the boy's t-shirt. Ryan groaned softly as Pete pressed their hips together, both feeling each other's arousal. Ryan decided to take the next step and crisscrossed his arms, letting his hands grip the hem of Pete's shirt. Pete pulled away from Ryan once again and stared at his light brown eyes. They were brimming now with passion, the fear was gone. Pete nodded at Ryan's action and let him slowly pull his shirt over his head. Ryan had seen Pete shirtless before, but it had never made him feel the way he was feeling right now. He brought his hands up to Pete's chest and ran his fingers gently all over the front of him. Pete sighed at the feeling, letting Ryan touch and explore on his chest and stomach. After a few minutes, Ryan was completely in a trance and wanted nothing more then to make Pete feel good. He brought his head down and gently placed kisses on Pete's neck, causing him to moan quietly. Pete's erection was begging for release and he couldn't hold it much longer, it was beginning to hurt. Without any kind of warning, Pete reached down and yanked Ryan's shirt over his head and placed a strong, passionate kiss on his lips. Ryan lost his breath for a moment and Pete began to show more lust then he did earlier.

Still attached in their kiss, Ryan frantically began grasping at Pete's belt, pulling it open and opening his zipper. Ryan's mind was telling him he wasn't prepared for what was going to happen next, but his body and heart were telling him a different story. He roughly pulled away from Pete's lips and got to his knees in a quick motion. He licked his lips as he pulled Pete's pants down over his hips. Pete stepped out of his jeans and watched excitedly as Ryan then pulled down his boxer briefs and stared at his erection. Pete gently reached down and ran his fingers through Ryan's hair, letting him know it was all okay. With a trembling hand Ryan wrapped his fingers around Pete's hard on and slowly slid his lips around the head of the shaft. Pete gasped loudly as he felt Ryan's soft lips embrace him. Ryan was incredibly surprised to find he didn’t totally hate the feeling of a penis in his mouth. He felt encouraged by Pete's groans and let his tongue slip over the head and then ran his lips back down over his stiffness. Pete placed his other hand on the back of Ryan's head too, partly out of support so he didn't completely fall over, the other to aid him in his job. Pete moaned as Ryan's head slid up and down his erect member. He let his eyes open and looked down at the boy, just in time to see Ryan peer up at him, still carefully giving Pete all the pleasure he could. Their eyes locked and in that instance, Pete felt his balls tighten and without really a warning, grunted as Ryan gently tugged on his balls as Pete threw his head back and released himself into Ryan's awaiting throat. Ryan sucked gently until he sure Pete was finished and slowly stood up, feeling his legs shake beneath him.

Pete still had his head titled to the ceiling, but slowly looked at Ryan. He wasn't sure what should happen next, but leaned in and lightly kissed Ryan's wet lips, tasting himself on his mouth. Pete gently pressed Ryan back once more, forcing his knees to give out and to lie down on the bed beneath them. Ryan settled himself comfortably on his back as Pete crawled on top of him, hungrily kissing the skin on his neck and chest. Ryan grasped at Pete's back, feeling completely out of sorts from his feelings. He gently dug his nails into Pete's shoulders, which made him groan into Ryan's neck.  Pete rested himself on his knees, still stratling Ryan's thin frame. He kissed Ryan's lips again, sliding his tongue along his teeth and then loving the feeling of both of their tongues embracing each other. Pete put one hand down on the bed and used his other hand to begin fumbling with Ryan's belt. Ryan placed his hand on Pete's neck and gently tugged his lips away and began kissing a trail across his cheek and to his ear as he licked and sucked on Pete's earlobe.  Pete gasped, the sensation causing his cock to begin blood flow once again. Pete leaned back on his legs, watching himself pull the zipper of Ryan's jeans down slowly. He unbuttoned them and started to tug them off. Ryan's erection was barely contained by his thin boxer briefs and it made Pete smile. He hooked his fingers under the waistband and began to tug them down as well, Ryan's erection springing free as he pulled them away. Pete moved his body down until he could comfortably slide Ryan into his mouth. Ryan muttered an obscenity as he felt Pete's lips begin to embrace his cock, Pete playing with his balls as he continued sucking. Pete pulled back momentarily and spit on his dick, then began to run his hand slowly up and down. Ryan groaned accordingly, wanting desperately for some kind of release. Pete placed his lips around Ryan again and bobbed up and down, feeling Ryan grab his hair and help guide him. Ryan yelled as he arched his back and let his orgasm rip through his body, holding Pete's head firmly in place until he was empty.

Pete pulled back and wiped his mouth, half smiling at Ryan through the dim lit room. Ryan was panting with his eyes closed. He was almost afraid too open them, thinking this had to be a dream and Pete really wasn't here, doing exactly what he had dreamed of for so long. Pete was ready again, and he wanted to take this as far as it could, not knowing if he would ever get an opportunity like this again. He lay down beside Ryan, feeling the heat from his body and it made him tingle. Pete placed his arm over Ryan's stomach and kissed his neck, wanting him to recuperate so this wouldn't be over. Ryan rolled onto his side, letting his lips collide once more with Pete's. He ran his hand through puts hair, shivering when he felt Pete's skin on his. Pete wasn't exactly sure how to go about approaching this next event, but decided to try the best he could and rolled onto his back, forcing Ryan to roll on top of him. Pete could feel Ryan's immediate arousing growing against his leg. He wanted Ryan to fuck him in the worst way, but was really terrified at the same time. He suddenly found himself wondering if this would really solidify the fact that he was gay. He didn't want to think he was completely gay, but this situation was more arousing then anything he had ever experienced with a girl…

 Ryan carefully placed himself on his knees, just knowing what needed to happen next. He brought his fingers to his mouth and wet them, making sure this would go as smoothly as something like this could. He leaned down and began kissing all exposed parts of Pete's skin and hastily taking the next step. He pushed one finger all the way inside Pete's ass, hearing him groan in pleasure at the feeling. Ryan slid his finger in and out slowly, Pete reaching his hand up to grasp at Ryan shoulder, when Ryan slid a second finger inside. Pete gasped as his nails slipped around Ryan's back. He couldn't take the torture any longer, he wanted the real thing. He reached down and started to jerk Ryan off, trying to give him the hint that it was time. Ryan was satisfied that Pete was ready, put procrastinated, relishing the in the look on Pete's face. He finally sat back on his legs and took a deep breath. This was more then he ever thought he wanted, but at this moment he knew nothing else mattered.

He placed himself at the edge and then pushed; grunting at the resistance Pete was giving him. Pete tried so hard to relax, wanting this to happen in the worst way. He finally felt a slight twinge of pain, which was quickly replaced but an overwhelming amount of pleasure. Pete threw his head back and immediately grabbed his own dick and started to tug at it. Ryan stayed still for a moment once he was in to the hilt, trying to get his head around the fact that this was actually happening.  As soon as he got his bearings back, he started to pump himself in and out of Pete's awaiting ass. Pete squeezed his eyes shut so tight, moaning and panting at the sensations in his bowels. He wasn't sure how much longer he could hold on, this being the most erotic moment of his life. He didn't want to come, however, fearing he wouldn't be able to return the favor to Ryan. He enjoyed the sensation for a little while longer, putting his hands on Ryan's hips, helping guide his motions. Pete finally got the strength to pull himself away from Ryan, leaving a confused look on the boy's flushed face. Pete motioned for him to lie down, letting Ryan scamper onto his back. Pete smiled at him, and gingerly placed two of his wet fingers at the entrance and received a hurried nod from Ryan, then proceeded to work his fingers into his ass. Ryan felt tears well in his eyes, the fervor he was feeling was over coming him; he wasn't prepared for this. Pete inelegantly spit on his dick and quickly forced entrance into Ryan. Ryan yelped, the pain was amazing, he didn't think it would be this bad. He quickly shut his eyes and relaxed as much as he could. Pete noticed the pain brimming in Ryan's eyes before he shut them and eased out slightly. He wanted him to be able to feel what he felt, to know that he wasn't there to hurt him, ever.

Ryan let his eyes squint open and peered up at Pete, who reached his left hand up to his face and caressed his cheek. Ryan took a deep breath and nodded at Pete once more. Pete kept his gaze on Ryan, still stroking his cheek and began pumping in and out of him. Ryan finally felt it, the pleasure that he knew was there. He brought his hand up to Pete's, grabbed it, squeezing his hand, and then kissing his wrist. He smiled, then both of them became besieged and they began panting and breathing in unison. Ryan reached down to grab a hold of his own erection, slowly pulling at it, both the sensation on his dick and in his ass quickly taking their toll on his body. He reached up, placed his hand on the back of Pete's neck and pulled him to his lips, their tongues entwining as Pete's humping got faster and harder. He started to grunt into Ryan's mouth as Ryan gasped into his. He quickly placed his kisses along Ryan's collarbone and shoved himself inside hard one last time, both of their orgasms making their breath shake and their skin tingle. Pete rested his forehead on Ryan's, panting and licking his lips, not wanting to move from this position. Ryan wrapped his arms around Pete, burying his head in his neck, nuzzling himself comfortable. Pete reached his hand up and brushed at Ryan's hair and kissed his nose and his forehead, then placed a soft, passionate kiss on his flushed lips.

After a moment of kissing and embracing, Pete crawled off of Ryan and stood up, stretching and walking to his boxer briefs, pulling them on, then lying his head on the pillow, feeling one hundred percent satisfied. Ryan quickly copied Pete's actions, sliding his underwear on and then resting himself near Pete, his head on his chest and they fell asleep, their heart beats synchronizing, both knowing that morning was going to come too fast.

Love is Only Love

Chapter 10- Your only pretty when you walk away and you act oblivious (don't call it a crush)

            Ryan and Jon walked out of the coffee shop together and Jon stared at Ryan as the younger boy fished a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and proceeded to light and deeply inhale one.
            "I thought you were quitting?" Jon asked as they started walking in the direction of the hotel.
            "yea, well I'll get around to it eventually." Ryan shot back in a tone that clearly said to drop the subject.       
            "ok fine. whatever. its your lungs"
            "its your liver."
            "touche young one. touche." Jon finished with a laugh, "In all seriousness though, are you going to talk to Pete?"     
            "umm...I doubt it. We're all leaving to head back home tomorrow and we all know that anything I feel for him, even if it is reciprocated, can't go anywhere."
            "ok, once again, I don't buy that whole 'this can't go anywhere' spiel. And secondly you need to go talk to him, you just used the word reciprocate in casual conversation."
            "shut up. I'll talk to him ok." Ryan grumbled as they walked into the hotel.
            "good. I'm going over there to see what the hell Joe is trying to do to that vending machine. I'll see you upstairs" Jon said distractedly while observing Joe repeatedly poking and what looked like begging a vending machine to give up a bag of chips.
            "see ya later man." Ryan said chuckling to himself at the table and headed upstairs in the elevators.
            After reaching the floor he was staying on Ryan headed into his room, only to find Brendon sprawled out on his bed looking like death with a pillow over his head.
            "fun night?" Ryan asked somewhat quieter then he had asked Jon as Brendon had a tendency to throw bitchy tantrums if mocked when hung over.
            "....." Brendon's reply was completely muffled by the pillow so Ryan shrugged to himself before taking a flying leap onto the bed with the sole intention of jostling his roommate into conversation.  In the process he knocked the pillow off of Brendon's face to reveal, instead of a scowl as he had been expecting, a very worried expression.
            "Wow. who died?" Ryan asked before Brendon could start to rant at him about the cannonball onto the bed.
            "Pete, nearly." Brendon dryly replied staring at Ryan with eyes that belied his sarcasm.
            "....what?" Ryan's face went chalk white as he stared at Brendon.
            "You need to go talk to him. You need to tell him you're in love with him. And you need to do it now. The stupid ass took a bottle of sleeping pills, and thankfully had so much fucking caffeine in his system from the Redbull he drinks that he puked most of them up after passing out." Brendon stated quite seriously to the other boy.
            "I don't know what you're talking about."
            "BULL...bullshit man. You know I'm right. I've known you for far too long to not realize what's going on. I'm not as oblivious and self-centered as everyone would like to think."
            "Yes you are."  
            "Ha ha. Very funny. Not a time for jokes man." Brendon shot back.
            "Well did he tell you WHY he took the pills? Maybe he needed new album material?" Ryan inquired cautiously.
            Brendon sat there for a minute staring at the older boy with a curious expression on his face before answering "No. He didn't tell me why he took them. But you need to go talk to him. You're good with that touchy feely bullshit."
            "And Patrick, ya know his best friend, can't talk to him?"
            "Patrick doesn't know. Pete would like it kept that way."
            "So you tell me?" Ryan asked exasperatedly.
            "Like I said your better at that touchy feely crap then I am."
            With Brendon's final statement he got up and walked into the adjoining room where Ryan could hear everyone else. Grabbing a pillow he shoved it over his own face and just screamed into it in frustration with the whole situation before standing up and heading out of the room and down the hall to be a good friend. If being a good friend required telling the man he had fallen in love with he was an imbecile and possibly decking him for doing something so phenomenally stupid then so be it.  Four minutes later Ryan was pounding on the door to Pete's room. Three minutes after that Pete swung the door open fully dressed, but at the same time obviously just out of the shower. Thirty seconds later Pete was on the floor holding his jaw that was going to be bruised from Ryan's right hook and Ryan was standing in the doorway crying.
            "Good to see you too Ry, you wanna come in?"  
            A full minute passed after the question, with Pete still unmoving on the floor and Ryan standing in the doorway with silent tears falling down his cheeks.
            "Yea. sure." Ryan finally responded.
            "So..." Pete started as he got up off the floor and walked into the room, "is there a reason I almost had a broken jaw?"

            "Yes. You're a fucking idiot." Ryan confirmed as he sat down on the closest bed.

            "Well, as long as that's cleared up." Pete said slowly before reaching out and smacking Ryan hard in the back of the head.
            "OW! What the fuck?"

            "Payback's a bitch."
            "What are you four?!" Ryan yelled jumping up from the bed and staring Pete in the face.
            "No! But you're lucky I didn't punch you. FUCK you! Coming into my room and hitting me in the face. And I don't even know WHY!" Pete screamed back.

            "I already told you--You're an IDIOT. You couldn't make up drama? You HAD to create it yourself?"

            "....I'm gonna kill that little twit. I swear to all that is holy I'm gonna ring his scrawny little bitchy neck myself."
            "HEY! Only I can make fun of Brendon's effeminate sensibilities." Ryan shot back.

            Both men paused at that statement before looking at each other and cracking up.
            "Effeminate sensibilities? Dude, you have been spending wayyyy too much time around Spencer." Pete smirked along with his statement as he walked across the room to grab a bottle of water.
            "No changing the subject. Seriously Pete. What the hell were you thinking?" Ryan said softly staring at his friend.
            Pete shrugged and took a sip of the water before stating "I just, it seemed like a good idea at the time. I was so tired, and I just wanted to sleep."
            "Oh yea, and a handful of sleeping pills is going to do that really well huh?"
            "Like I said, seemed like a good idea at the time. What do you care anyway?" Pete said without meeting Ryan's eyes.

            Ryan sighed and walked over to the side table to lean against it before closing his eyes and letting Pete's words wash over him. The more they played through his head the angrier he got. Without caring about the consequences of what might happen in the next few minutes Ryan opened his eyes, grabbed the glass ashtray sitting next to him and hurled it at the wall closest to Pete's head before screaming at the top of his lungs, his words mingling with the sound of shattering crystal.
            "FUCK YOU! I FUCKING LOVE YOU, YOU HALF WIT! THAT'S WHY I CARE!"

            One minute, one minute is all it takes to shatter a person's perspective on the world. In that one minute Ryan Ross proceeded to make Pete Wentz's world resemble the ashtray that he had ducked to avoid being hit with.  Staring at the younger boys heaving chest from the hysterics he was trying to avoid, Pete realized that he wasn't lying. Brendon had been right...

"The Pros and Cons of Choosing" by getupngo

Chapter One - Calm Before the Storm (Set it off)

AN: So, I'm starting a new story (I told you all I would).

But this one has a TWIST! (hooray!)

In the tradition of "Choose your own adventure" Stories, I give you a story where YOU GUYS choose what happens next. I give you some options and then majority rules! I'm posting on two sites (Buzznet and Ficwad) so the decisions will be made with what I get from both.

I need you guys to tell ALOT OF PEOPLE about this story so I can have a buffet of comments to choose from! Don't forget to give me your thoughts too. I will probably choose once I get enough disputing going on. and make this fun, try and make your choice sound the best!

            I would like to take this time now to thank Christine. She is stimulating like espresso.

            In this story, Fall Out Boy does not exist. The boys are merely 9-5ers trying to get by in life, living and loving like us everyday folk.

***************************************************************************************

Patrick sighed as he started blindly at the computer in front of him. One more god damn data entry and he was going to throw the fucking thing out the window…well if he could find a window close enough to his cubical. He was 22 and never imagined ten years ago that he would be sitting in this hell. His home life was a wreck, he and his girlfriend fought constantly, he wasn't getting laid and he hated his job.

            He quickly glanced at the clock on his computer which told him it was finally time to head home…to the battle zone. He wasn't sure why him and his girlfriend could not find anything else to do but fight with each other, but this shit had to stop. He never dreaded going home, but today he was.

            He was driving in the direction of his building but then started thinking about how much he didn't want to go home at all. He reached for his cell phone and paged through the contact list, looking for someone he knew would want to hang out. He got to the P's and stopped, his buddy Pete's name catching his attention. Pete never worked and he lived with his parents after nearly killing himself over some dumb bitch, so he knew Pete would definitely be able to do something.

            "Yo, asshole!" Pete answered from the other line. Patrick laughed and then sighed.

            "You doing anything tonight? I really don't want to stay home. I don't want to fight with her tonight, you know? I'm over it," Patrick explained.

            "Yeah man. Uh, me and Joe were going to go to this house party, pick up some girls and get really fucked up. You should join us; it will be a guaranteed good time. No bitchy girlfriends allowed," Pete replied. Patrick laughed lightly, he didn't really appreciate anyone but him calling his girlfriend bitchy, but it was in Pete's demeanor to be so blunt, so he let it slide.

            "Yeah, I'll see you a few," he then hung up the phone. He pulled into the parking lot outside of his building and shut off the car. He looked around for his girlfriend's car and saw it a few spaces away. He rested his head on his steering wheel and took a deep breath. He hated having to hate his home.

            He walked up the stairs to his apartment and got to the hallway and smelled something really good. She was cooking, which was never a good sign. She only cooked when she was upset. Patrick groaned, then stuck his key in the door and quietly pushed it open. He saw a mess in the kitchen, but no girlfriend. He a deep breath, hoping that maybe she was in the bathroom or something and he could sneak in and out without her noticing. To his dismay, he arrived at the bedroom to see her on the couch eating whatever she had made and watching a movie. He sat his stuff down and walking to the dresser, looking for something to change into. She didn't even bother looking up at him when he entered the room. It was like if they weren't fighting, they weren't even talking at all.

            "The food is in the fridge if you want some," she said, her eyes not leaving the TV screen. He nodded as he pulled on his jeans, tossing his other pants into the hamper. She was such a stranger these days. He would just climb into bed at nights an over on his side, facing away from her and just sleep. Sex just wasn't happening these days. They had moved past the stage were they would fight and then have insane make up sex, now it was strictly just fighting and sleeping. He pulled on his T-shirt and started to head out of the bedroom.

            He opened the fridge and realized she must not have been too mad, just a little annoyed by something, she only made spaghetti and meatballs (her homemade ones were amazing) and some vegetables. He pulled out the plate she had made for him and tossed it into the microwave and sat down at the breakfast bar. A few minutes later, she came in and wiped off her dish and sat it in the dishwasher. She turned to Patrick.

            "Where are you going?" she asked him, just now noticing he had changed into clothes he only wore when he was going out, not just lounging around the house. Patrick sighed, 'here we go,' he thought.

            "I'm just going to hang out with Pete and Joe. No big deal, Josie." he replied. He mentally groaned when she put her hands on her hips and stared at him. To her, it was a big deal.

            "And then what? You never just 'hang out' at Pete's house. I heard about a party tonight. I'm not stupid, Patrick, or deaf." She replied. Patrick rubbed his face with his hands and then looked at her. He just wanted to get wasted and forget about how much his life sucked tonight, why couldn't see let him?

            "I don't know where we are going to go, Pete didn't say anything about a party," he lied. She smirked.

            "Well, I guess you won't mind if I go then. I could use a good party after today, which was terrible, in case you care," she shot at him. He stood up roughly from his stool as the microwave beeped. He got in Josie's face and huffed.

            "I do care, it's just that every time I ask to tell me what's wrong, you yell at me, so I stopped asking," he replied. She dropped her hands to her sides and thought about something vicious to say. When nothing came to her she walked around him and to the bedroom.

            "I'm going to that party, if I even see you there, you can expect a few fireworks," she replied as she stormed back to the front door. Patrick shrugged his shoulders as he sat down and ate his dinner, the door slammed shut. He jumped and peered at the door; he still couldn't believe that this was his life…

Choose your own:

~Option one: Should Patrick go to Pete's house and go to the party anyway, fight with Josie in the middle of it and then go seek drunken revenge elsewhere?

~Option two: Was Josie really just bluffing, trying to get Patrick to slip up so she really had something to yell about? Patrick will come home really late, wasted.

~Option three: Should Patrick go to Pete's, hang out for a while and come home to fight more with Josie and possibly try and get her to finally have sex with him (he's really sexually frustrated)?

This Bitter Pill by getupngo

Chapter 20- "The time for sleep is now. It's nothing to cry about, cause we'll hold each other soon." (part two)

AN: This is it, the story is finished. Thanks to all of you who loved it, I'm sure i will write another one soon...

Title: "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" - Death Cab for Cutie

            Pete felt his mouth get dry and he wanted it to stop. The beeping had stopped and it had been replaced by a low, long tone. He blinked, no. No! She isn't…she can't be.  Minutes later the room became a busy area, people frantically shooting jolts of electricity into her body and trying to get her to breath. Pete backed away from the mess slowly; he knew it was too late. He felt her soul floating above his head and let the tears easily flow down his face. That was it, she was really gone. He looked up at the empty space above the bed in which she was lying and whispered, "I'm always going to love you."

****************************

            He sat amidst a mess of clothes, broken picture frames and anything else he could reach to hurl across his bedroom…their bedroom. He had left the hospital after being able to spend a few last minutes by her side. He couldn't believe it. All the fantasies he had about marrying her and starting a family with her were now only that, they would never materialize. He came home to his empty, quiet house and walked up the stairs. He stood and stared at the spot where he made love to her only three days ago. He let it sink in and broke down. He proceeded to grab everything in his sight and throw it, angry at God for taking her, and angry at himself for letting her believe he wanted nothing more to do to her. He was upset that the last thing he ever did to her was yell at her. But he recalled his final sentence to her was, "I'm the only man who was ever going to love you without boundaries or excuses."

            He didn't know where to turn anymore. She was the only one he had confided in, in years and now he felt lost.  She would never again be able to tell him what he needed to hear, he was never again going to be able to hold her and tell her he loved her. He was never again to be able to make love to her and smell her hair fresh out of the shower.  He lay down and turned his head to see the picture she had brought him while he was in the hospital, the frame had cracked amidst his anger. He picked it up and carefully slid the picture out of the broken frame and looked at it.

            "FUCK!" he screamed into the empty house. He sat up and held the picture to his heart, he didn't want to believe it was over; he missed her too much already. He didn't move for what felt like hours, until he realized that one other person needed to know what had happened to her.

********************************

            Patrick hung up the phone and set it down gently. What Pete had just tearfully told him had yet to sink in. Dead? Corbin was…

            "Holy shit," Patrick whispered to himself. He put his head down and began to cry, he hadn't loved a girl the way he loved her ever in his life. He never regretted a moment with her, not a single second. He was still angry with her for doing this. She had no idea that even though the amount of people who were going to miss her was minimal; the people she did touch were never going to be able to recover. You don't just get over someone like Corbin. Patrick sobbed at the thought that the last thing he did was try to give his heart to her, only to second guess the decision and leave her alone long enough too…then it hit him. This, all of this, was his fault.

            The fact that Corbin was dead was his fault. The fact that his daughter was dead was his fault. He roughly shoved his chair back and let it bang against the wall behind him and stormed out of the office. He walked into the nursery and sat on the rocking chair and just stared, his face scrunching up every now and then to let a fresh batch of tears flow. He stood up and walked to the crib dragging the soft blanket away from the tiny mattress. He held it to himself and cried into it, thinking about all of the things that should have been and now will never be.

            That vision Corbin had had of him sitting in this very chair, singing softly to their baby, it wasn't going to happen. The vision he had of watching his beautiful daughter sleep peacefully was something he was never going to get to see. The sounds of 3am feedings and the smell of diaper changes, they weren't going to happen. Patrick felt inconsolable suddenly; feeling like this was a rut he was never going to be able to pull out of. He missed her, and he wanted nothing more then to be able to tell her what she meant to him, he did regret not saying something sooner.

******************

            Pete sat at his parent's kitchen table; his family was surrounding him, trying their best to make him feel ok, but knowing that it was an impossible task. They all knew what she meant to Pete, and could find no real words of comfort to offer him. He thought maybe they would be able to put her death into perspective, but they were of no help. There was absolutely no reason she had to die. He laid his head down on the table and let himself cry some more, feeling his sister place her arm around him and lay her head on his shoulder.

********************

            The weather was beautiful, and Corbin's body was being lowered into the ground. Patrick and Pete both stood quietly near her casket, neither of them feeling like they were going to be able to walk away from her. Pete had a sudden urge to bury himself with her; he didn't know how he was going to carry on.

            Patrick waited for Pete to say something and when he didn't, he gently laid his daughter's pale pink baby blanket on top of Corbin's closed casket. He wanted her to have it, he knew Corbin was up there with their daughter and felt grateful that they were finally able to spend forever together.

            Pete watched solemnly as Patrick placed the blanket on the casket. He didn't like this at all. He wanted her to come up behind him and wrap her arms around his stomach like she always did and rest her head on his shoulder so he could feel her breath on his neck. He wanted to run his fingers through her hair and hold her and protect her from herself and everyone around her. He wanted to feel the softness of her lips; he wanted to feel the heat from her body. He was so tired of crying, he felt like it was all he had been doing for the past two weeks. But he couldn't help it.

            Pete walked forward and copied Patrick's motions, but placing the picture of them together that she gave him in the hospital carefully on top of the blanket. He looked at it one last time, taking in the smile on her face and the love in her eyes…

A few days later, Pete rummaged through a few old boxes filled with pictures and videos spanning over a few years. Many of the pictures of him and Corbin, along with Fall Out Boy and his family and friends. Most of them made him happy that he was able to share moments like that with her, some of them making him cry because it was something he wished he could be doing with her right now. 

            He sat down on his couch and put a tape in that he had found from two years ago, when they had first gotten back together after Corbin's eighteenth birthday. They were standing by the crappy Fall Out Boy van, Dirty was prompting them to give their predictions for the New 2005 Year ahead. Pete had his left arm draped over Corbin's shoulders and he looked at her as he pondered the question.

            "Well, first of all, I want you to know that I love this girl. And that is my ultimate prediction for next year. That I will love her just the same a year from now as I do right now. And secondly, I predict that Fall Out Boy will rule the fucking world! We will be the biggest band ever and everyone will hate us, but they will all buy our album because they are just a bunch of fucking liars!" he said. Pete rolled his eyes at his stupidity, he made no sense whatsoever.

            "How about you, sexy? What do you want to happen next year?" Dirty then asked, shoving the camera in Corbin's face. Pete felt his eyes well up with tears at the site of her biting her lip and thinking. Her hair was blowing in the nighttime air and she never failed to take Pete's breath away.

            "Well, I'm going to go to college. I'm going to quit drinking and I'm going to love this man for the rest of my life. Oh! And Fall Out Boy is going to get nominated for a Grammy and win every moon man at the VMA's!" she said, giggling lightly. Pete turned his head to look at her and smiled.

            "Do you see why I love this girl, Dirty? She's a fucking genius! I love you baby," he said, and Pete knew watching this that this was one of those moments that happened a lot when he looked into her eyes. In this exact moment, no one else mattered but him and Corbin. Nothing and no one else existed, not even Dirty or the video camera that he was holding. She smiled at him shyly, their eyes locking in a loving gaze. They both leaned in and pressed their lips together. Pete shifted on his couch and pressed pause. He stared at the image of him and Corbin kissing for a long time. He missed her more then words could describe but he finally felt peace at that moment, he knew she was in the room with him, he knew he had finally gained a guardian angel that was going to protect him until his dying day. He knew that someday he was going to see her again, and be able to hold her once more. God put them together for a reason and one day they were going to be able to spend the eternity together that he promised her years ago. Pete glanced once more at the image on his TV screen, and then shut his eyes, making sure it was the last thing he looked at before committing to sleep. His dream provided him with one last vision of her and one last phrase,

            "I love you, Peter. Forever and always."

Fin.

"This Bitter Pill" by getupngo

Chapter 19- "If the silence takes you, Then I hope it takes me too." (part one)

Title: "Soul Meets Body" - Death Cab for Cutie

AN: Okay, so I cried the entire time I wrote this…just so you all know.

Pete had decided to get out of his car, walking back to the house with Patrick, silence between them. It wasn't an awkward sort of silence; they just had nothing to say. Pete wanted to take Corbin home and have a long talk with her about trust issues and other boring topics, but things that needed to be diligently worked on.

            Patrick walked in, expecting to see Corbin still on her knees in the living room, but was surprised to see her no where in sight. She didn't leave the house, he knew that, so where did she go? Pete also felt confused, walking the whole length of the first floor and seeing her no where. He paused momentarily to stare at the nursery, feeling himself getting jealous at Patrick's preparation and his personal lack there of.

            "Dude, where did she go?" Patrick asked walking up behind Pete. He shrugged, his eyes taking in the sight of the pale pink terry cloth sheets that was sitting in the crib, all ready to have an infant occupy them. Patrick smiled as he watched Pete.

            "Do you like it? Corbin was really happy," he said. Pete turned around to look at Patrick. He had a goofy happy smile on his face and Pete knew how much this baby meant to him. He nodded.

            "Yeah. It's really nice. That's one lucky little girl. She gets to have a caring father like you," he said, trailing off, feeling himself get red in the face. He cleared his throat. "Um, I'm going to go check upstairs, okay?" Pete said. Patrick nodded, staying behind in the room momentarily. Pete shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets as he began walking up the stairs. He didn't know why she would be up here, but it was worth looking anyhow. He checked the guest room at the top of the stairs but found it empty, he looked in the half bathroom and saw it vacant as well. He continued on, down to the end of the hall where the master bedroom was located. The door was shut, which was odd, Patrick never shut doors when he was home alone. Pete turned the knob and pushed it open, his eyes first seeing nothing, and then suddenly he felt all the color drain from his face. Pete wasted no time, pulling his Sidekick out of his pocket and dialing 911. He couldn't believe this was the second time in six months he was calling an ambulance for Corbin. He was sitting on the bed, applying pressure to her scabbing wound, but couldn't get her to wake up. He was crying, telling the ambulance to hurry. He threw his phone down and drug her head into his lap. He was holding her tightly, gently rocking her back and forth; this wasn't going to end like this. Pete was not a religious man by any means, but he suddenly found himself asking God to spare her. He didn't mean what he said earlier, he was just upset with her, and he had a right to be. But for christ sakes he didn't want her to die. He didn't want Patrick's baby to die, it would crush him beyond imagination.

            Patrick heard sirens outside of his house and heard them stop in his driveway. Feeling alarmed, he bolted up the stairs and heading to his bedroom. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the image. Corbin was lying lifeless in Pete's arms, he was holding her head to his chest and laid his head on hers and Patrick could hear him sobbing. He keep repeating, "Please don't leave me like this. Hang on, baby. Hang on," and it made Patrick lose his breath in his throat. There was banging at the front door, which did nothing to arouse Pete, but Patrick ran down the stairs and pointed the EMT's to his bedroom. They had to literally drug Corbin out of Pete's arms; he didn't want to let her go. Within seconds, they had put her in the back of the ambulance and she was taken away, the EMT's desperately trying to get her to wake up.

            Pete couldn't move. He was sitting on a bed, surrounded by blood stained sheets. He didn't know what to do, he felt like if Corbin was going to die, he was going to die too. Maybe not physically, but he knew he would never be the same. Patrick paced around his office momentarily, scared that making that nursery was going to end up being in vain. He didn't want to lose his daughter, not before he ever got the chance to know her, he had a space in his heart he was reserving for her and he was dying to have her fill it in only four months time. He closed his eyes and titled his head back, "God, please don't take my baby away…"

***********************************

            Pete hadn't slept in two days, Corbin was in a coma and her baby was dead. Patrick couldn't bear to even look at her anymore, he was so angry with her for taking away his daughter away. It just wasn't fair. Patrick cried himself to sleep the first night and then let his sadness blame the easiest target…Corbin.

The doctor's offered to let Patrick see his daughter, but he thought that was the craziest thing he had ever heard. He didn't want to see what could have been, what was going to be, it would be too much to bear. But then he thought maybe he should see her, so he didn't regret not doing it later. He followed someone down a dark hallway, immediately regretting his decision to see his six month old dead daughter. The nurse quickly warned him that he wasn't going to see a normal, healthy baby. She was going to be a bluish color with wrinkled skin and not entirely done forming. He took a deep breath as the nurse brought out a small body bag; Patrick immediately felt tears sting his eyes. The nurse carefully pulled out the baby, which sent Patrick into near hysterics at the sight of her. He felt fine that he got to see her, but was most upset that he would never get to hold her. He turned away from the body and walked out of the room fast. He breezed past Corbin's room and went home. He could take anymore of this day…

            Pete sat in the chair next to Corbin's bed like he had been for two days, holding her hand and talking to her; he just wanted her to wake up. He wanted to get closer to her for the first time since she got in here and carefully moved her over on the bed slightly, and lay down on his side facing her. He placed his arm around her waist, which was now flat, due to her immediate c-section and fluid drain. She had stitches in her wrist, and her heart monitor beeped, reminding Pete that she was still in there somewhere. He started at her for a while, not remembering drifting off into an uncomfortable sleep, plagued with nightmares of losing his love.

"This Bitter Pill" by getupngo

Chapter 18 - "Please send me anything but signals that are mixed"

Title: "Again I go unnoticed" - Dashboard

Corbin could do nothing but stare at Patrick in shock. Love? She backed away from him.

"This Bitter Pill" by getupngo

Chapter 17- Do you wanna come over, and kill some time? Throw your arms around me.

Title: "This Modern Love" - Bloc Party

            Patrick sat in the small studio in his basement and was staring at the wall in front of him. He probably should’ve been doing work, but he was instead thinking about everything that was happening in his life. His professional life was amazing and improving rapidly. He couldn’t complain for he was a lucky man, but then he couldn’t shake a strange feeling of unhappiness. Corbin was slowly but surely ripping tiny pieces away from his heart. Granted, he was now officially euphoric about being a father, but it was tearing him apart to know that Corbin wasn’t his. All of the sneaking around between the sheets was getting to be a bit too stressful for him. He hated the fact that he knew he was falling more in love with her by the day and could do nothing about it. He wanted to stop, he tried hard to remind himself that it was just sex and nothing more, but it wasn’t that simple. He snapped out of his trance and pulled his headphones off, shutting his laptop and leaning back in his chair. Things were awkward now with Pete and that’s what bugged him even more. This was his best friend, his hetero life mate and he was doing him wrong. He did him more harm, both physically and mentally, within the last few months then he ever did for all the years they had known each other. Maybe Corbin wasn’t worth all the things he was putting on the line for her. He wanted to have some kind of stable relationship with her the sake of their baby, but maybe it was time to draw a line. He just couldn’t possibly handle the pain anymore; his heart was absolutely breaking…

**********************************

Pete awoke with a jolt; he was having one of those falling dreams again. He felt Corbin lying beside him, her arms wrapped around his left arm. He sighed and tried in vain to fall back asleep. He shivered against the cool air outside the blankets and pulled them up closer to his chest and stared at the ceiling. He was so happy for finally being able to feel Corbin all around him again last night and was elated at finally being able to spend the night with her in comfort, without a fight. He turned his body to face Corbin, gently pulling his arm out from her grip and looking at her sleeping face. She was so beautiful and she was actually starting to get that glow pregnant women get. He reached up and gently brushed her hair over her shoulder, leaning in to kiss her collar bone. She moved and sleepily wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer as he laid his head right underneath her chin, resting it on her chest. Corbin let her eyes open and breathed deep. Pete smelled so good. She kissed the top of his head and tightened her grip around his body. What was she doing, sneaking around with Patrick? Pete was never anything but amazing and by her side constantly, she was so wrong to be treating him like this. She decided then and there she would tell Patrick enough is enough…

            Pete woke up a few hours later; his body still entwined with Corbin’s. He just laid there and breathed her in, until he felt Corbin twitch suddenly. Her eyes snapped open and she yanked away from Pete, sitting up quickly. She placed her hands on her stomach and felt it again. It was so faint it was almost undetectable, but she could feel her child tapping at her. A grin slowly spread across her face. Pete sat up and watched as a smile grew on her face and realized what must’ve been happening. He stuck his hand out and placed it on her belly. She moved his hand to where hers just was and after a few seconds, he felt the faintest movement from inside. Corbin found herself speechless at this event, excited as all hell over her doctor’s appointment later in the day. She then immediately thought of Patrick and knew he was would over the moon about this event, but decided that today was going to be a Patrick-free day, for the sake of her newly re-found devotion to Pete. She reached down and placed her hand under his chin and brought his lips to hers. Once just wasn’t enough right now, she needed to feel him deep inside her once again, just needed his closeness and she just needed him. Pete didn't hesitate, it was just easy with both of them already naked, and he carefully lay down on the bed, pulling Corbin along with him. He grabbed his erection and slid it gently inside Corbin. She gasped at the feeling, and began slowly moving up and down, her skin tingling underneath Pete's fingers, which were slowly tracing all of her curves, and gently brushing past her pregnant stomach. Her stomach…Corbin slowed her movement. Patrick…

            Pete snapped his eyes open and looked at her, "What's the matter?" he asked her. She shrugged. "Come on, I'm almost done. Please?" he begged her. Corbin took a deep breath and regained her thoughts, realizing that she was actually thinking about Patrick when she was supposed to be making love to Pete. This was not good. She quickly finished, faining her interest, thinking about Patrick the entire time. As soon as it was over, she cuddled with Pete for a short amount of time, and then jumped in the shower, getting ready for her doctor's appointment, leaving Pete feeling completely abandoned once more.

**********************

Corbin hurried from her car at up the stoop to Patrick's door. She pounded on it anxiously, looking around to see if anyone saw her there. Patrick quickly approached the door and flung it open…

            Corbin moaned loudly as Patrick lifted her off her feet, pounding into her, her back up against the hallway wall. She didn't even get in the front door before Patrick embraced her, hastily ripping her pants away and getting his off as well. She wrapped her arms around his neck tighter, wrapped her legs around his back as he continued to fuck her. He buried his head in her neck as his orgasm flowed from his body; she threw her head back, looking at the ceiling as she felt herself coming. Patrick kissed her neck as he carefully let her back down to her feet. She Reached for her sweatpants and tugged them on, smiling to herself, feeling satisfied. She peered over at Patrick, who was walking away from her. She wondered where he was going; he never just left after making love to her.

            "Are you coming?" he asked, turning back around to face her. She nodded. Patrick smiled and continued to walk on, forgetting that Corbin was tearing his heart apart, because in that one instant she mended it all back together, he knew they wouldn't stay away from each other long. Even his reasoning last night had been tossed away, it just didn't feel right to being with her. He glanced back to make sure she was still following him. Corbin took larger steps to catch up with him. When she did he placed his arm around her shoulder and stopped outside of a closed door.

            "Close your eyes," he said. Corbin looked at him confused. He stood in front of her and placed his hands on her belly, gently rubbing. She sighed and closed her eyes, partly because he asked her to, partly because him rubbing her felt nice. "Okay, keep them closed." Patrick quietly walked over to the door and opened it. He observed the room with a light smile, and then walked back to Corbin, leading her into the room. She still had her eyes closed and was very excited about whatever Patrick was doing. He walked behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. He leaned forward and whispered in her ear, "Open."

            Corbin let her eyes flutter open, a gasp escaping her lips; a nursery. It was beautiful. She glanced around at the white crib, the soft terry cloth sheets a pale shade of pink. The walls were covered with an intricate painting of a meadow. There was a rocking chair in the corner and Corbin smiled at it, it brought her one step closer to the vision in her mind. She turned around and faced Patrick.

            "All of this stuff looks like it's for a girl…how did you know?" she asked. She had only just found out the sex of her baby an hour ago and Patrick definitely wasn’t there. He smiled.

            "Don't you think I know my child? I just knew," he said. Corbin felt overwhelmed, tears forming in her eyes. But these weren't tears like she had been crying; these were good tears…happy tears. Patrick reached up and wiped one away from her cheek with his thumb. Corbin embraced him, holding him tightly as he wrapped his arms around her waist, happy to feel her pregnant stomach up against his; it only made him that much closer to his daughter. She backed up slightly and locked his gaze. Softly, she kissed his lips, feeling her heart begin to race. Patrick went above and beyond making this nursery for her. She and Pete had barely begun to even think about shopping to get their house ready for a baby. Corbin found herself wanting desperately to move out of her house with Pete and into Patrick's, but she knew that was not going to be the case. Pete didn't deserve that. She pulled away from Patrick's lips and laid her head on her shoulder, looking around the room again, feeling ecstatic over this gift.

            "Corbin…" she heard Patrick say. She lifted her head from his shoulder and looked at him. He smiled at her and gave her a small peck on the lips. Then he took a deep breath. "I love you."

This Bitter Pill by getupngo

Chapter 16- This bed could use a secret and these pounding hearts could keep it...

Title: "By Tonight" - Say Anything

Corbin was never one to shy away from any sneaky opportunity she could get, five months pregnant or not. Pete was out for the day for a meeting at Clandestine, so she wasted no time getting Patrick over as quickly as possible.

     As she collapsed on Patrick, their post orgasmic glow was always something she loved to relish in, she was trying to asses how she was really feeling about everything she was doing to Pete. When it came down to it, she really felt no remorse about what she had just done, and what she would continue to do, she only felt the guilt when Pete would be his normal, loving self.

     Patrick wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck, feeling that warm satisfaction he always did when he was with Corbin. Maybe it was the fact that she was carrying his child that made him suddenly feel so different about her, or maybe it was just the fact that he had been denying the way she made him feel because he didn't want to deal with her lifestyle and her problems, but he was glad he had the opportunities to say what he always wanted to say to her. He felt a little remorse when he would think about the fact that he was sleeping with his best friend's girlfriend in their bed inside their house, but he would always force those negative thoughts from his mind and concentrate on the girl he was falling in love with so secretly. He would never admit it out loud, but he couldn't deny her glow and her gentle, subtle love that he had been missing for too long.

     Corbin slid onto her side and pulled the blankets up over her shoulder and rested her head on Patrick's shoulder. He slid his arm around her waist and pulled her closer, sort of feeling like he didn't ever want to get up when he really just didn't want to face the reality that was just outside the black comforter. He began to wonder how long it would take Pete to catch on, and what the fall out would be from their indiscretion. He was sort of glad the band was on this hiatus because Patrick was always too readable to Andy. He would've figured out his game in minutes and held it over his head until he came clean to Pete.

     Corbin sighed and carefully slid out from under the comforter, reaching down to put on her sweatpants and t-shirt. Patrick took it as a hint and began putting his clothes on too, glancing at the clock which told him he had been at this house for far too long. Pete was going to be home anytime and they at least had to look like nothing shady was happening. He rolled his eyes at the thought of once again pretending that all of this meant nothing to him...

*****************

     Pete slowly trudged to his car after his day at the office, totally un-thrilled with the technical events of the day. He was too distracted by the feeling that he wasn't in on some big joke or secret to concentrate on the numbers Clandestine Industries pulled last month and how to improve for next month. He felt that if he couldn't even improve his home life, what chance did he have to improve his professional life? He drove home in quiet, thoroughly distracted by his own thoughts. Something was bugging him and he couldn't put his finger on it but it was making him anxious, which was really nothing new, but he just couldn't shake the feeling that he was being seriously screwed over...

     He pulled up to his house he was now sharing with Corbin to see Patrick's car in the driveway. He grumbled, wondering what was really happening right in his very own home. He liked to think he knew Patrick well enough to know that he would never let history repeat itself, especially when it came to Pete's feelings. Patrick knew how fragile Pete could be emotionally and he was someone who always shied away from rocking the boat.

     Pete walked in the front door, suddenly feeling a wave of emotion come over him that just made him want to throw accusations at the pair of them, sitting on opposite sides of the living room, half watching TV and half having a conversation. Patrick spotted Pete first and felt his stomach flip. He was so wrong...

     Corbin saw Patrick look up and turned around to see Pete looking at them with a questioning gaze. She wondered momentarily if he suspected something but assumed that would be impossible and put a smile on her face.

     "Hi baby," she said, slowly standing up and walking over to give him a hug. He hugged her back but kept his gaze on the odd guilty look taking over Patrick's face. Patrick looked away and stood up, wanting desperately to get out of the house before he snapped and gave his infidelity away. He started to walk toward the front door, but Pete put his hand out and stopped him, looking him square in the eyes. Patrick then felt challenged, like Pete was just waiting for him to spill whatever was bogging down his brain.

     "Why are you always leaving when I come home? You never want to hang out anymore. Just chill for a while," Pete said; his tone thick with mockery. Corbin stepped back from Pete and placed her hands on her stomach, which was the only real sense of security she had lately. She looked at Patrick, wanting him to either stay so Pete wouldn't think anything more then he apparently already was, or to just go so she could try taking Pete's mind off of whatever was bugging him. Patrick cleared his throat and stepped away from Pete, continuing his journey to the front door.

     "I can't, dude. I have a lot of work to do at the studio for tomorrow. I just had to talk to Corbin real quick. I promise we'll do something later this week," Patrick replied and was out the front door.

     Pete's eyes traveled from where Patrick was to Corbin, who was staring at the door like she expected Patrick to jump back in and say he was kidding. He wasn't sure what to say to her, fighting the sudden urge to hit her. He shook the thought from his mind and instead turned to walk up the stairs to the bathroom, he needed to just take his pill and then lay down for a while to calm his mind.

     He walked into the bathroom and swallowed his pill, shutting his eyes and counting to ten. He hated having to feel like this in his own house. He really was a stranger here. He was suddenly reminded of why he moved back in with parents in the first place and it was basically because of feeling like this, his brain just wouldn't shut off and he had too much freedom to do whatever he wanted to get his mind to stop. He felt eyes on him and turned his head to see Corbin leaning on the doorframe with her hands on her growing belly. She smiled at him shyly; she really just wanted to know what was going on with him. Carefully, she walked up to him and rubbed his back. He looked at her, really wanting to be mad, but he just couldn't. She had that effect on him. One look from her and he knew that everything was okay, even if his gut was telling him something was severely wrong, she made him feel like he was just jumping to conclusions.

     "You okay?" she asked him quietly. He turned his body to face her and she rested her left hand on his waist and brought her right hand up to his face, gently rubbing his cheek with her thumb. He nodded, putting his hands on her hips, her stomach causing them to be further away then he would've liked, but he leaned down and kissed her gently. She smiled behind his lips, knowing that he had given up on suspecting anything. He pulled away from her and reached down, lifting her up off the floor, one arm under her legs and other under her back and he carried her to the bed. He placed her on it gently, carefully placing himself on top of her, and gently taking off their clothes, forgetting all his worries...