I miss you

Part Six: "I was here and now I’m gone"

And how the grace with which she walked into your life
Will stay with you in your steps

Patrick stood in silent dread as he watched the second girl he ever loved walk out on him. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, but he mostly wanted to chase after her. God, he didn't want her to leave. Andy stood silently, his heart slightly heavy over the whole situation. Patrick could do nothing else but stare at Andy is total question as Andy gazed back. He wasn't sure what to say, or if he should say anything at all…

            She continued walking, wiping the tears from her face as she went. She was staring at her boots as she went and wasn't look at where she was going, which resulted in her walking directly into Dirty who was helping move merchandise into the venue. He turned around and saw her eyes were swollen and puffy and immediately said, "Spill."

            She began crying once more; telling him in confidence about kissing Andy and breaking Patrick's heart, for the first time getting it all out of her system and it hurt her more to finally say it out loud. Dirty held her when she was done, he gave the best hugs ever. As she stood hugging him, happy that someone was providing her with comfort, her phone began notifying her of a text message, then another, then another and yet another.

            She sighed and leaned off of Dirty's shoulder, wiping the wetness from her cheeks. She opened her phone to see five new text messages from Andy. Dirty stood rubbing her back, feeling sorry mostly for Patrick, but a little for her and not really knowing what to say or do. All he knew was that he didn't want her to leave.

Andy:

Come back ill fix this

Andy:

Dont leave right now, pls?

Andy:

I feel terrible, pls come back!

Andy:

Im sorry for ruining everything, pls dont leave

Andy:

Lets talk about this, dont go!

            She wasn't sure how, but she cried more as she read Andy's pleading and apologies.

            "You're too good, Dirty, but I have to go, I'm so sorry. Stay in touch tough, okay?" she asked him. He nodded and hugged her once more and said goodbye as she quickly walked out of his life as well…

            Pete gazed down the hallway and watched as she bumped into Dirty who stopped her at the doorway. Dirty looked at her concerned and Pete saw her begin to talk animatedly, crying the whole time. Dirty kept his concerned face until she finished talking, when he wrapped his arms around her and Pete saw her whole body shake with tears on his shoulder. Pete furrowed his eyebrows, concerned over how and why the shit hit the fan. He turned his back on Dirty and walked to the other dressing room. He opened the door and walked into a tense fog. Patrick was sitting on the couch, staring blankly at his feet, his headphones blaring. Andy was on his phone, texting someone furiously. Pete walked over and sat next to Patrick, sadness in his eyes. Pete tapped him on the shoulder, Patrick turned to look at him as Pete backed his headphones away from his ear.

            "You okay, dude?" he asked him. Patrick sighed and then shrugged. He wasn't okay that was for sure. He was in so much pain, he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to perform tonight. Andy suddenly stood up with an annoyed sigh and walked out of the room.

            "I can't fucking believe he did this to me…" Patrick said softly as Andy left. Pete shook his head.

            "Dude, I don't want to make this worse, but she's the one who started it. Yeah, Andy always had this crush on her but she cornered him and kissed him," Pete said as watched Patrick's face fall.

            "You knew about this?" Patrick asked. Pete suddenly felt guilty.

            "Dude, I was going to tell you, I just…I couldn't -- " he began.

            "Why were you protecting her? I'm supposed to be your best friend!" Patrick said, suddenly feeling extremely betrayed.

            "I was protecting our band. I wasn't taking her side over yours or Andy's! It's been an irrational fear for me that a girl was going to break us up and if you guys keep this shit up, that's exactly what's going to happen! How is a girl going to be more important than your boys? Than your work?" Pete said. Patrick stood up, feeling himself getting upset. He threw his headphones down and turned to Pete.

            "I fucking love her. I've only ever loved one other girl before her and she promised she wasn't going to do to me what the last one did! She fucking promised! What is so wrong with me that the two girls I've loved had to cheat on me?" Patrick asked, aiming for a rhetorical question.

            "Well, I can't really say for the first one, but I think that it was about too much space and too much time apart. The motivation for this one is beyond me. I know she loves you, dude. I know she would die for you, I know she would do anything. I know all she did was kiss him, but…" Pete trailed off, Patrick had put his head in his hands and Pete decided to back track, "There's nothing wrong with you, Patrick. It's her. She doesn't deserve you if she can do that to you. You'll find someone who knows how to treat you right," Pete added.

            Patrick sat down and groaned, "This may sound stubborn and selfish, but I don't want someone else, I want her. I wanted to try and live my life with her, Pete, I opened up to her when I thought I couldn't ever fall in love again. She's become more important to me in the shortest amount of time then my previous girlfriend. It took us forever to get to the level I'm at with her. I just want her in my life, I can't believe I just pushed her away," Patrick said.

            "Well, then I guess it's up to you. Do you have it in your heart to forgive her for kissing Andy, or are you just going to let her keep going?" Pete said.

            "I want to forgive her, I need to forgive her. After the show, I'll call her and try to get her back here," Patrick finished. Joe came into the room a second later and looked around confused.

            "We're on in an hour…where's Andy? And what's with the long faces?" He asked, walking in and shutting the door.

            "I'm not really concerned about Andy right now," Patrick muttered…

            Andy left the room after the lack of response from her. She was really going to leave and he was going to kick himself if he didn't do something to stop her. Everyone on the tour loved her and would be pissed that he was the reason she had to go. He walked up the hallway, stopping to ask Dirty where she went and if he'd seen her. Dirty shrugged but told him she left the venue. Andy groaned and deiced to attempt going out the back entrance, even though fans were probably everywhere.

            He saw the bus a few feet ahead, and watched as the door opened and she stepped out, bags packed and ready to go. He picked up his pace as he began running towards her.

            She got startled as she saw Andy heading for her, couldn't he take a hint?

            "Andy! What are you doing? I'm leaving and there's nothing to stop me. Patrick doesn’t love me anymore and no one wants me here, so just leave me alone! I'm so mad, sad and frustrated I could kill you right now!" she said as he stopped in front of her. He shook his head, sliding his hands down her arms and grabbing her hands.

            "Don't leave, at least not mad or sad or anything. You're important to so many people here, myself included. So we made a mistake, it happens. I think we are both sorry," he said. She smiled at him softly, his hair blowing in the winter air. She pulled her jacket tighter around her body.

            "I'm not. I'm not sorry I kissed you, Andy. Even knowing what I know now I would've probably still done it. I love Patrick and losing him is killing me, but at least now I know how I feel about you," she said, trailing off and bringing her eyes to the ground. Andy shifted, shivering now with the freezing air touching his skin. Shaking, he brought his hand to her chin and looked in her eyes. They were brimming with sadness, but something inside of her looked peaceful, at ease. Andy couldn't help it, he shouldn't have to feel guilty. He brought his lips to hers and kissed her softly at first, then deepened the kiss getting closer to her because she felt nice and warm. She got backed up to the side of the bus, the cool sides of it almost comforting; she just felt her body temperature rise. Andy suddenly brought his kisses away from her lips and down to her neck, sucking gently at the skin of her left ear, and then trailing his kisses across her neck to her right ear. She gasped as she felt Andy's lips working at her skin and his facial hair tickling her as well.

            "Andy," she managed to gasp out. He lifted his head and looked at her. Her eyes were begging him to take her, right there on the cold pavement, but instead he grabbed her hand and led her onto the bus. She began to shiver, not from the cold anymore, but from the feelings coursing through her body. Was she really going to do this? And should she feel guilty? After all, Patrick sent her away; he didn't want to see her anymore so why should she?

            Andy wasted no time, pulling her jacket off while kissing her hard on the mouth. She groaned, his fingers now tracing the outline of her waist. She grabbed his belt loops and pulled him backwards as she walked to the couch, turning them around so he was sitting and she climbed on top of him, strattling his lap. Andy felt his arousal ten fold, this was the most anxious he had felt in years. He grasped the bottom of her shirt, pulling it over her head, throwing his glasses to the side and trailing his kisses down to her neck. She made inaudible gasps, raking her fingers through his hair and down his back. He skillfully unclasped her bra, casting it off, bringing his lips to her nipples and lightly nipping at them, causing her to yelp softly. She began groping, gasping and yanking at anything she could, mostly his t-shirt, which he then backed out of and let her toss it away. She quickly began pulling at his belt, frantically trying to get his pants open. Once she did, she reached in his underwear and pulled out her prize, slowly jerking him off while he worked his kisses over her chest, neck and lips.

He began his own moans, feeling his pulse begin to race. He brought his hands away from her back, which he had been caressing, to the belt on her jeans, gently opening it, then working on the button and zipper. He slipped his fingers into her pants once they were open, and was met with the feel of her severe arousal. His fingers worked expertly on her most sensitive area, causing her to bring his head to his shoulder, where she rested, grinding herself into his hand, gasping softly, every nerve ending in her body on edge. She continued to stroke him, but soon Andy pushed her away, just to lay her down, yanking her jeans away from her body, and kicking his own off as well. He pushed her panties to the side and pushed his length inside of her. She arched her back at the feeling of him inside of her, letting out a small yell as he began thrusting…

Joe was sitting, jiggling his leg nervously where himself, Pete and Patrick were waiting by the side of the stage. They were on in twenty minutes, and Andy was still MIA. He glanced at his watch again, now getting worried. He saw Andy leaving the building out the back door, thinking he must have forgotten something on the bus.

"Guys, I'll be right back," Joe said standing up.

"Dude, where are you going? We're on in less than fifteen minutes," Pete said.

"I'm going to get Andy, I'll be right back," he said. Pete went to object but Patrick grabbed his arm, shaking his head. Patrick didn't want any part of what Andy was doing, and he needed Pete to be with him…

She grasped at Andy's shoulders, biting her lip every time he talked dirty to her. The words sent shivers through her body; he knew exactly how to push her further. She gently pushed him away from her and he laid on his back, watching with a rushed excitement as she placed her body above his, sitting down on him and digging her nails into his chest. She began a pace leaning back a little so he could it her at the perfect spot. Andy grunted as he matched her rhythm, his hands on her hips, helping guide her movements. The couple suddenly got lost in their new passion, each of them closed their eyes, just feeling each other in the most inmate way possible and loving each passing second…

Joe found himself jogging towards the bus; his watch warned him that the show was starting in less than five minutes. He opened the door, stepping up, then suddenly stopping. He heard heated gasps and moans coming from inside the bus and suddenly felt stupid. Of course, Andy was going to take advantage of her new single status. He groaned to himself, the last fucking thing he wanted was to get in the middle of this mess.

"Andy! The show starts in three minutes!" he yelled into the bus, turning around and walking away. Andy's eyes flew open, as hers did.

"Shit," they both muttered. Then had just finished and now Andy was scrambling to pull his clothes on, and rushed away, without so much as a "thanks" to her. She sighed, and looked out the window, seeing her cab had arrived. She threw her clothes on and rushed out the door, pulling on her jacket. She sat in the back seat of the cab and smoothed out her hair.

"Can you take me to the airport, please? Thank you," she said. The driving nodded and she felt nothing as the tour bus disappeared from her vision.

*************************

Just a flip of the wrist
I’d be wavin’ you goodbye

"A sense of function, but a disregard" by getupngo

Part Five: "You don't know you're losing you"

Mindless and abused

She carefully made her way from the bus to the venue, hastily wiping at her tears as she walked. She couldn’t believe this was happening. She peered down the block from the bus and saw a large group of mostly females already waiting in line to see Fall Out Boy. She sighed to herself, wishing she could've gone some back way that Patrick must have. Suddenly she found herself wishing for the blissful ignorance that came with being an outsider to the group. A large part of her missed the days of waiting in lines and meeting random people who shared just that one common interest.

            The biting January air made her tears sting on her cheeks and caused her eyes to sting as well. She sniffed, her nose cold, and she suddenly felt like jumping in front of a car. This situation could have been worse, but the situation it was currently at was more than enough. She approached the large group of fans, not remembering that she had attached her pass to her belt loop, and felt herself turn red as every member in the line turned to stare at her. It felt to her like they all knew what she was doing to Patrick with Andy and that they all wanted to rip her limb from limb. Hell, if she was them, she'd want to do the same. The tense stares coming from girls she knew to be better looking than her, and probably girls who were also insanely jealous of her status, made her want to cry even more. Her face scrunched up and a new batch of tears fell out of her eyes. She kept her gaze ahead, even when she saw what she knew to be the flashes of cameras go off in her face. How delightful it must've been for Patrick's fans to see his girlfriend hysterically crying, she couldn't wait to hear these rumors…

            After finding her way to the stage door, she was admitted and began walking up a tiny hall in pursuit of Patrick's dressing room. She was staring at her feet, her face obviously damp, when suddenly she bumped into someone. She looked up to see the Pete's eyes, his gaze extremely unkind. She took a heavy breath as she stared right back at him.

            "Yeah, you deserve those tears. What the hell are you thinking?" Pete asked. She couldn't help it as her face scrunched up again. She shrugged. "You don't know? Patrick just offered to share his life with you, he opened up his home to you and you tell him, 'I have to think about it'? What's going on?" he asked her.

            "Pete, I don't know! I want to move in with Patrick, I really do, but something is holding me back. Something is telling me now isn't the time. I just don't think I'm ready," she said. Pete grabbed her shoulders, causing her to look in his eyes again.

            "Do you love Patrick?" he asked. She nodded. "Do you want Andy?" he asked. She sighed and looked over her shoulder, then nodded. She felt so ashamed. "Do the right thing. Patrick needs you; Andy can replace you in heart beat. He's a love 'em and leave 'em guy. I know you, you don't want that," he added. She nodded.

            "You didn't tell Patrick about Andy, did you? He looked really fucking mad earlier," she said. Pete shook his head.

            "Add insult to injury? Not to my Patrick. You'll tell him when the time is right," Pete said. She nodded once more as he removed his hands from her shoulders and rubbed her right arm quickly as he walked away, leaving her standing there in her thoughts once more. She gathered herself together and began walking down the hallway once more, smiling softly as she followed the sound of Patrick's amazing voice. She got to the doorway and the belting stopped. She opened the door, looking in to see no one.

            "Patrick?" she asked, peering around and shutting the door behind her. She saw his laptop sitting open, clothes that were obviously his and the other guys', but no one was around. She walked to the couch in the opposite end of the room and sat down. This was the worst day ever. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, just now realizing how sore they actually were.

            She heard the door open and lifted her head, hoping to see Patrick, but instead saw Andy. She panicked, why him? She sort of wished Andy would just disappear so she wouldn't have to think about him anymore.

            "Hey," he said softly. She smiled at him weakly, sort of warning him that she was uncomfortable. Andy turned and walked to his pile of stuff and began rooting around for a moment before turning back to her.

            "Can we talk?" he asked her. She shook her head as an immediate reaction, "I think we really need to," he added. She shook her head again.

            "Can we just ignore the whole thing, Andy? Patrick is slipping through my fingers and it's breaking my heart. Please, can we just forget about it?" she pleaded with him. Andy walked closer to her, now standing directly in front of her as she peered at his shoes.

            "I can't. I can't forget about the way you made me feel earlier on the bus. I can't forget about how I can't get your eyes out of my mind. I'm not like this, I don't fall in love with girls this way, but for some reason, I feel myself falling into a trap around you," he said. She sucked in her breath; this was not what she needed to hear!

            "No, no, no! Andy, please! Just stop," she said, jumping to her feet. "I can't deny it either, the way I felt when I kissed you, the tingles I got when you held my hand, but it isn't right. We can't do this, I can't be in love you!" she exclaimed.

            "Why not?" Andy asked. She shook her head, no more tears, she was tired of crying.

            "Because I just can't, Andy! Please! Don't do this to me. Don't make me choose between the most amazing man I've ever had the pleasure of calling mine and his band's drummer whose kiss I can't shake. Please…" she said. Andy walked in closer to her, he wanted to break her down, and he needed her to give in. He grabbed her hand and she looked in his eyes, the pleading in them for her not to leave was back and it made her tremble.

            "Just let me fall in love with you…" he said. She felt her body shiver as tiny tears seeped out of her eyes. She wasn't sure how long she stood there sobbing, still holding Andy's hand as he watched her cry, but her sorrow was interrupted when she heard a door creak open behind her. Instinctively she jumped backward, turning to face the source of the noise.

            Patrick stood in the doorway, sadness powerfully obvious in his eyes. Andy stepped back as well, his mind searching for the right words to say to his good friend and band mate.

            She took a deep breath and looked at Patrick through her sore and puffy eyes, "how much did you hear?" she asked him softly. Patrick turned his attention away from the guilty look on Andy's face, to the sorrowful face of his girlfriend.

            "Every fucking word," he said, almost through clenched teeth. She felt her brain start to melt down, she wasn't going to let him leave her, and she wasn't going to let this be over already.

            "Patrick, baby, please…let me explain?" she said softly, looking at him for some sign of forgiveness. He walked and stood in front of her.

            "Don't," he said. She shook her head.

            "Please?" she said, begging in her voice, lifting her hand and brush his cheek. Patrick pushed her arm away, then reached over to her belt and tugged the pass away of her.

            "Go home," he said quietly. She didn't budge; she was frozen in the fear of losing true love over something so stupid.

"Just fucking leave!" Patrick exclaimed at her lack of movement. Her heart began to beat wildly, her gaze quickly shifting to Andy in an effort to call for help.

            "Patrick, don't overreact--" he began. Patrick turned his head to look at Andy.

            "Stay out of this. I think you've already done enough," he said. Andy's eyebrows knitted in a sudden look of anger.

            "I didn't do anything except finally let my heart decided something for me instead," he said, glaring at Patrick.

            "But why MY girlfriend, Andy? There must be hundreds, if not thousands of girls who would fuck you in a heartbeat, why do you have to go after what's mine?" he asked him, his tone angry and hurt.

            "Because, man, I'm tired of useless nights that I feel ashamed of in the daylight. I didn't ask to feel something real for my friend's girl, it just happened that way. I'm not even going to stand here and pretend to be sorry about it either," he added. She gasped, what the fuck was happening?

            "Guys, please! I'm going to do everyone in this whole tour a fucking favor and just go home like Patrick asked. You all can just pretend you never fucking knew me, okay?" she turned to Patrick for one last look at him.

            "I'm sorry I ruined your life and I'm sorry that I'm the second girl to break your heart, but I'm not sorry that I ever had feelings for Andy. You deserve so much more than me, so I'm gone," she said, turning on her heel and quickly walking out of the room, leaving the two men to stare at each other in silence.

            She left the room and began walking faster and faster until she felt herself running away from Patrick's love, Andy's touch and Pete and Joe's steadfast friendship.

            Pete walked out of his dressing room just in time to see a blur sprint by him, sobbing coming from her voice.

            "Hey! Where are you going?!" he called to her as she kept running. She stopped and turned around, looking at Pete through watery vision.

            "I'm going home. Call me sometime? I love you, Pete. I'll miss you. Tell Joe I said bye and that he means the world to me. I'm so sorry," she said with her trembling voice, turning once more and leaving the venue. She walked quickly past the now unbelievably long line of fans, still walking quickly amidst the flashes going off once again, and to the bus, packing all of her belongings and calling a cab. She couldn't believe it was all ending like this.

*************************************

It's too late now
it's too late now
you're in too deep

AN: So, apparently this is turning into an epic of some kind, by some unknown force that wants this story to be one. Um, I said yesterday that I still hated this story, but suddenly I am totally entranced with our girl, Andy and Patrick, and the random relationship she shares with Pete and Joe. So, I'd say expect this to turn into another one of my babies and one of the ones that I will be sad to see end. Mmmhmm, you guys rock my universe.

**************************************************

"A sense of function, but a disregard"

Part Four: I come waltzing back and moving into your head

I won't tell you to stay
But it's coming to much more...

She didn’t wake up with any answers either. Patrick was now draped over her body, he was an active sleeper. She gently pushed him off, causing him to wake. He groaned softly, pulling his leg off of hers, but pulling her body closer and snuggling into her, rubbing his face in her neck.

            "Mmm, you smell good," he said, his voice muffled. She giggled.

            "That doesn’t even make sense, baby," she said, turning her body to face him. She reached up and placed her hand on his cheek, kissing his lips gently. She ran the back of her fingers over his sideburns, kissing him softly over and over. Patrick placed his hand on her waist, gently dragging his fingers across her bare skin. She smiled softly as she deepened their kiss, loving these rare moments of quiet adoration they shared. These were the times when she wouldn't be thinking about her troubles, when she wouldn't be thinking about Andy's touch or Pete's warning; this moment and all of the ones like it were reserved for the feeling of Patrick's lips, the sensation of bare skin against bare skin and the scent of each other's necks. She backed off him momentarily, letting him trail his tongue from hers to the side of her neck. She moaned loudly, raking her nails through his hair and the back of his head.

            "Patrick," she gasped out, her body tingling, "I fucking love you," she said, the sincerity in her voice strong. He detached himself from her neck and settled himself level with her eyes. He watched them sparkle, the love in them brutally honest. He reached up and brushed her bangs aside, the corners of his mouth turning up in a grin. He ran his hand up her waist, then up her arm to rest on her neck.

            "Move in with me? I mean, when we get home. You make me believe that something like this can survive work and distance. You've given me hope that makes me realize I want to try and spend the rest of my life with you…please?" he asked, kissing her quickly.

            She froze. She wasn't lying when she said she loved Patrick with every fiber in her body, but she wasn't sure if they were necessarily ready to live with each other day in and day out. Okay, maybe it was just that she wasn't ready.

            "…or not," he said, pulling his arm away from her and crossing his arms. She panicked. She didn't want him to withdrawal…

            "No, Patrick, no. It's not that…I'm just…shocked. Surprised, you just…I'm surprised. Are we really ready for this?" she asked. He let the shock register on his face, she felt her heart sink.

            "We've been together for over six months; you were by my side this entire summer and through the whole process of making this new record. I never thought I would see another girl as part of my family again, especially this quickly, after my last relationship. I believe in us, why do I feel like you don't?" he said, his position becoming increasingly defensive.

            Her mind began reeling, this couldn't be happening. She didn't know what to say. Part of her wanted to say yes, she was tired of living in a dorm room and could picture their life together, but at the same time her heart was yelling no, he didn't deserve her. He deserved someone who could love him without doubts, without being oddly attracted to his band mate.

            "No, please. I do, okay? I do believe in us. I just need to think about it, okay?" she said, reaching forward and placing her hand on his arm. He shrugged it away and sat up, getting out of the bunk.

            "You shouldn't have to," he said, pulling the curtain shut and walking away. She blinked, rolling over on her back.

            "Fuck…" she muttered quietly, rubbing her face in her hands, "shit," she added, sitting up and hopping out of the bunk. She walked out to see Joe in a state of undress, apparently getting ready for the day, with Andy having a conversation on his cell phone. She looked around for Patrick, but didn’t see him.

            "Fuck," she said again, plopping down on the couch next to Andy. Joe pulled his T-shirt over his head and looked at her in question, her eyes emotionless.

            "Want to talk about it?" Joe said. She pulled her attention away from the tinted window and looked at Joe, forcing a smile.

            "Mmm…no. I just…need my brain to shut off right now," she said. Andy ended his conversation and shut his phone, concern in his eyes.

            "Pete and Patrick emerged from the back room a minute later, the guys' entourage pushing them to start their day of work. Patrick breezed passed her, not an 'I love you' or even a quick kiss. She sighed, catching Pete's eye, he glared at her out of the corner of his eye, a slight scowl on his face as he diligently followed Patrick off the bus. She felt her stomach back flip, now Pete was against her, too. She suddenly wondered if he told Patrick about Andy and felt her stomach drop again. She was now near tears; it wasn't supposed to be like this. Blinking back the on coming tears, she stood, now deciding to follow the guys for the day and got dressed. She wasn't losing Patrick.

            She was in the back room and sat down on the couch as she pulled her boots on, hearing the door open cautiously. She looked up to see multi-colored skin and quickly looked back down at her shoes. She held her breath as she felt her heart begin to battle with her brain. Andy sat down beside her, while she continued pulling on her boots, carefully ignoring his presence. When she was done, she didn't have much else to do but stare at her feet, which proved to be a thin defense. She shook all thought from her brain and stood up; clearing her throat, beginning her walk off the bus, but Andy grabbed her arm, letting his hand slide down to intertwine their fingers. She began wondering what he knew about her and Patrick's current situation.  She felt her breathing stop and her thoughts suddenly jumble. Andy pulled on her arm and stood up, dragging her body to him. He lifted his left arm to wrap it around her shoulder. She let Andy hug her, their right hands still intertwined; she rested her chin on his bare shoulder, once more blinking back harsh tears.

            Amidst all of the pain she was feeling over Patrick, his invitation and her own confusion, was Andy; providing her with comfort that was slowly breaking her heart. He reached his left hand to her chin, turning her face to his and looking in her eyes for a moment, before leaning in and placing the softest, most gentle kiss on her lips that she had ever experienced.

            She let it linger for a moment until her heart couldn't stand it anymore. She backed away from him and unhooked her fingers from his. As she walked backwards, she caught his eyes pleading with her not to leave right now. She shook her head and turned around, walking quickly off the bus, tears now falling steadily down her cheeks…

***************************************

Why won't you run into rain and pray?
Let tears splash all over you

AN: So, I had this dream that I was at a Fall Out Boy concert (in this auditorium that I've been having random dreams in for years…) and there was practically no one there. So the guys were like super interactive and in between songs they would just stop and mingle. So at one point, Patrick came off the stage to go talk to some fans and I was all crazy and I ran up to him and I was like, video taping him with whoever and then he turns to me as was like "Someone threw these at me, do you want them?" and he pulled out a bag of Skittles with individually wrapped ones in side of it and I was like, "There's more than one in there, I'll take one and you take one." And he was like "Good idea". And then I tried to take a picture with him and we tried like 12 times and each time it never worked! And then I work up…mmmmmmm, yupp. There you have it.

And now: have this. Its super short, but I wanted to establish our girl and Pete's relationship and sort out some stuff in her brain. The next chapter with hopefully be longer.

"A sense of function, but a disregard" by getupngo

Part Three: Relax, take it easy

For there is nothing that we can do.
 

            She moaned softly as Patrick placed his kisses on her neck, gently running his hand up and down her inner thigh. He pulled away and smiled at her, kissing her nose quickly.

            "I'm so tired, babe. I'm just going to try and get some sleep, okay?" he said to her. She sighed and nodded. The concert went well tonight, but she could tell Patrick was wiped. He rolled over onto his stomach, and placed his arms under his head, shutting his eyes. She turned her body to face him and started to rub his back as she watched him grin softly, his breath becoming even.

            She wasn't sure how long she lay in Patrick's bunk, rubbing his back and watching him sleep, but she felt herself more awake than normal. She ran her fingers through his hair and leaned over to kiss his cheek, then carefully crawled out of the bunk. She stood and stretched, hearing noise from the front of the bus. She quietly opened the door and entered into the common area to see Pete tapping away at this laptop, making some updates to his many journals. He stopped momentarily to look at her, and then proceeded to finish typing.

            She sat down across from him, sitting down Indian style on the bench. She rested her head on her hand and stared blankly at the computer in front of her. Pete peered over the top and smiled at her, turning his attention back to the screen once more.

            "Can't sleep?" he asked her. She shook her head.

            "No. Something is seriously bothering me," she replied. Pete shook his head and shut down his computer, gently closing the lid. He reached over and grabbed her chin in his hand and looked at her seriously.

            "Could it be because you tried to get Andy in your pants this afternoon?" he asked her. She felt her eyes widen. That douche bag…

            "He told you?!" she said, her voice full of embarrassment. Pete leaned back and crossed his arms nodding.

            "Yeah, he did. He said he never thought you could talk to someone like that. He said it was really hot, actually," Pete said with a grin. She groaned and banged her head against the table softly.

            "Shit, what if he tells Patrick!" she said suddenly, looking at Pete urgently. He shook his head.

            "Don't worry, Andy wouldn't do that to Patrick…well, at least not to his face," he said with a smirk.

            "This isn't funny, Pete," she replied, the look in her eyes steely. Pete laughed a little.

            "Yes, it is! What do you think you're doing? Patrick took a chance finally opening his heart to another girl and this is how you're going to prove how wrong he was about all women being evil, lying cheaters? Sounds like a solid plan…" Pete said. She felt guilty, really, extremely guilty; especially because she actually enjoyed feeling Andy's arms around her and his kisses on her neck.

            "What do I do, Pete? You know, you KNOW that I love Patrick with all my heart. He's the most perfect man I've ever been with, but there's something about Andy…" she said, drifting off. Pete shook his head and stood up, going to grab a drink from the fridge.

            "Two days ago you were telling me how creepy Andy was…what changed?" he asked. She shrugged and reached over to take a sip of his water.

            "I don't know. It's just, I caught him looking at me and suddenly, he was intriguing and not completely creepy for a change," she said. Pete knitted his eyebrows in confusion.

            "You caught him looking at you? Like, how? He always checks you out," Pete said. She felt her face turn red. Pete had quickly become one of her favorite people to confide in, but even this may be a little much. She sighed, rolling her eyes and running her fingers through her hair.

            "The other night Patrick and I were having sex--" she began. Pete coughed.

            "I don't need to hear that. The guy's my best friend and all, but god…" he said, interrupting her. She slapped his arm.

            "Let me finish! Patrick and I were having sex on the couch, right there and suddenly I noticed that the door was open. So I stared at it for a while and finally saw Andy was there, looking at us. Well, looking at me, at least. It was almost like Patrick was invisible to him," she said. Pete slammed his water down on the table and let his mouth hang open.

            "Okay, I've known Andy for many, many years, but I've never known him to spy on someone having sex. Andy's more of the 'getting laid' type compared to the 'watching someone else get laid' type," Pete responded. She shrugged. "How does this cause you to want to play with him like that though? I'm still not getting it," Pete added.

            "Well, I may or may not have given him the impression that I was enjoying the fact that he was watching us," she said, looking down at the table. Pete put his hand over his mouth, trying to stifle a laugh.

            "Haha, you did what? Jesus Christ…" he muttered. She put her head back down on the table and groaned. "He told me you asked him if he enjoyed the show, but I didn't think that you actually put one on for him. What the hell? You're the creepy one," he added.

            "I am not!" she exclaimed in defense. "I can't help that the thought of someone watching me have sex is a big turn on, Peter. God…" she added.

            "Oh my god, you're a freak. Just don't let it happen again, you know? Patrick would be heartbroken to know you first based it with Andy," Pete said, "Now I'm going to go pretend to sleep. Love you," he said, leaning down and kissing her forehead.

            "Night. Love you," she muttered, placing her head back down on the table. What was she thinking? Even though Pete just gave her a clear warning to knock it off, she didn't want to. She wanted to know what Andy felt like, if he was a good lover. She let out an exasperated noise and stood up, shuffling back to the bunks and climbing in next to Patrick, who was now lying on his side facing the wall. She placed her arm over his waist and buried her head in his back, trying hard to empty her mind and fall asleep.

***************************

Blame it on me or blame it on you

AN: wow......this fic is going to take FOREVER.

*****************************************************

"Looking for a Song to Sing" by getupngo

Chapter 5: "Here we go around again"

We're tracing our footsteps
we're going the same way

Sometime during their bonding period, Addison has laid down in Jon's bunk by his feet, fully relaxing for the first time. Jon proved to be even more normal than Addison expected, in addition to the fact that he was very knowledgeable on the music industry. He had actually been a behind the scenes guy for years, traveling and touring. Becoming a part of Panic! was a complete accident.

            Addison woke up to find her arm draped around Jon's keens and her head basically level with his crotch. She sat up quickly; the position might've been hard to explain. She rubbed her eyes, feeling the sleep crusted in them. Her and Jon stayed up for hours, just talking, which gave her a reason to forget about the fact that she was about to lose her internship and the assholeness of Brendon Urie. However, daytime brought reality back and it was forcing Addison into a slow disparity. She sat and stared at the closed curtain across from her, feeling mad, more at herself for her current situation.

            Jon felt Addison shift and let his eyes open. He watched her face stare blankly and sort of felt for the girl. This life was all so new to her; it wasn't necessarily 100% clear as to what was acceptable and unacceptable due to pop cultures blurred view on touring etiquette. In Jon's experience, it was important to never date and/or sleep with anyone in your entourage, never mix business with pleasure. He could tell in Addison's lack of experience that this lesson was going to have to be learned the hard way.

            He couldn't deny that he liked Addison, because he did. He enjoyed her company and loved how easy it was to talk to her. They realized they had a lot in common and her wit made him smile. But ethics are ethics and he wasn't going to change them because this girl's smile made him weak…

            Ryan went to sleep angry and woke up feeling the same. Brendon has told him the whole story, including when Addison basically forced sex on him. She has a job to do and cross an ethical boundary that, in his opinion, should have gotten her immediately kicked off the tour. He was angry mostly because she was still on the bus. He stood up and stretched, walking to the bathroom. He passed by Jon's bunk, with the curtain now almost fully closed, and saw two pairs of feet. One obviously belonging to Jon, but the other…

            Ryan felt his skin burn hot. Was she going to try and sleep with Spencer net? He continued his trek, but instead went over to Brendon's bunk and woke him up.

            "What the hell, dude?" Brendon said groggily. Ryan reached up the bunk above him and woke Spencer as well. They both look at Ryan in question as the boy pointed to the bunk a few forward. Brendon's face fell. He sort of felt bad for lying to Bob, it was him who sort of encouraged sex between him and Addison, but the fact was currently spooning with Jon hurt his feelings. Did he mean that little to her?

            Jon didn't know how or really why, but suddenly Addison was above him, his arms were wrapped around her and they were kissing. His desire to keep his morals almost outweighed his desires to feel something real. All of this fantasy going on around him merely made his desire for actual feelings stronger. He finally came to his senses,

            "Addison, stop. We can't do this. I can't do this," he said, pushing her body of him. Addison only stared at him in shock. She had been right all along, the feelings she had for him just weren't mutual.

            "I'm sorry…" she said, scrambling to sit. She pulled her knees to her chest and felt her face flush red. Jon reached over and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

            "It's not you, Addison. I really like you. This isn't about you. It's just not right. I'm sorry," Jon said. Addison nodded into her knees, and then quickly stood up. Feeling embarrassed and slutty, she walked to the back room and laid her head down on the couch, taking deep breaths she felt herself starting to drift off, when Brendon walked through the doorway.

            "I just don't get it," he said to Addison's sleeping form. She opened her eyes to stare at him. He was leaning back against the closed door with his arms folded over his chest.

            "What?" she asked him softly. Didn't he understand that she just wanted to be alone?

            "Do I mean that little to you? I thought you liked me, I thought we were together? As far as I know we broke up yesterday and you're already fucking Jon? It's bullshit," he said. Addison sat up at his comment. Was she to be honest with him or sugar coat it to not hurt his feelings? The truth was, she really did like Brendon, but she didn't feel for him in an affectionate way. He was a good kid; that was what she was interested in.

            "Brendon…first of all, all I was doing was talking to Jon, but that's really none of your business. Also, you really should know--"

            "Excuse Me?" Brendon said leaning off the door and approaching her, "It is my business. Less than 24 hours ago, you were MY girlfriend and that's MY band mate. I definitely have a right to know what's going on!" he exclaimed. Addison stood up and got closer to him.

            "No, you don't. What I do in my personal time isn't of your concern, Brendon, and if you want honest, here it is: You are loud, obnoxious, clingy and annoying. You made me sorry I ever slept with you and it takes a lot to make me regret something. Which, by the way, thanks for being a fucking baby and telling on me! How dare you tell Bob I forced myself on you! You put my job in jeopardy. And I don't doubt that you told Ryan and Spencer the same shit story. You're such a fucking child, Brendon. I dumped you because I couldn't stand you! Happy?" she said, her chest heaving. Brendon stood facing her with his mouth agape. That hurt. He really wanted to believe he was a good boyfriend to her. He always doted on her, what was the problem?

            "I can change…" he said softly. This comment caused Addison to back off. She looked at him intently. Suddenly she wasn't so sure she wanted to let him go. Addison was never one to let her guard down so easily, so she crossed her arms in defense.

            "Change? How do you plan on doing that? The first thing you have to do is make it right, Brendon. Tell Bob I didn’t force myself on you, I would never do that to anyone. Tell Jon you're sorry, and then tell Ryan I still hate him," she said with a slight smile. Brendon forced a half smile, and then opened his arms, signifying for her to hug him. She sighed, she didn't want to give in that easily, but Jon wasn't going to be with her and sex with Brendon never failed.

            "I'm not hugging you or anything until you give me your word. Make it right," she said, still crossing her arms. Brendon sighed and let his arms fall and nodded.

            "I'll talk to Bob this afternoon, I promise. Just give me another chance. I can't help my loud obnoxiousness but I can try to give you a little more space to be you, okay? I just want to be with you, seriously. Please?" he said, pouting. Addison grinned. How in the hell was anyone ever supposed to say no to that pout?! She walked up to him and placed her arms gently around his neck. He half smiled again then leaned in to kiss her.

            "You must cast some kind of spell, Brendon Urie. I'm actually going to let you live," she said. He placed his arms around her waist and pulled her to him, kissing her deeply…

AN: why am I suddenly so depressed? Fuckkkkkkkk. I hate that. Read on, vultures.

"A sense of function, but a disregard"

Part two: Do you know what you want

So which one will you choose
You look so confused

She woke up a few hours later, feeling the sun hitting her in broken chunks through the curtain on the bus. Patrick had just woken up and sat down by her sleeping body, Andy was sitting reading a magazine. She rubbed her eyes, still feeling incredibly tired.

"Morning, beautiful," Patrick said to her. She smiled softly. Her eyes lifted to see Andy looking at her overtop of the magazine. She smiled at him and he looked back down at the pages. She sighed and leaned over, kissing Patrick on the cheek. Pete stomped out of the back room just as she placed her feet on the floor. He sat down across from her and breathed out.

"Something wrong, pumpkin?" she asked him. He shrugged, the look on his face telling her to mind her own business. He pulled his Sidekick out of his pocket and immediately began talking to someone in a heated tone about t-shirts or something equally uninteresting.

            The guys had a day of promotion to get through: a couple of interviews, two photo shoots and a concert late in the day. So, this left her with two choices; follow her boyfriend around like lost puppy and stand there looking at him say the same lines and strike the same poses all day, or sleep.

            She, of course, chose to sleep, telling Patrick to come get her when it was time for the concert. She settled back down under her comforter and fell asleep, letting the guys and their crew carry on around her.

            She woke up a few hours later when she heard rustling by her head. She looked up to see Joe sifting through a duffle bag, confusion on his face. Andy appeared a few minutes later.

            "Did you find it?" Andy asked Joe. Distracted, Joe shook his head, now pulling out t-shirts and jeans in pursuit of whatever he lost. "I'll go check in the back," Andy said. She smiled softly, the thoughts in her brain causing her to go red. She really shouldn't, but she really wanted to. She placed her slippered feet onto the floor and stretched.

            "Have you seen my 'Andy' shirt?" Joe asked her. She scratched her head and shrugged. Joe groaned and proceeded to dump his bag out completely, rooting through the pile once more. She giggled softly and shook her head, standing up and shuffling off towards the bunks. She spotted Andy in the back room, tossing shirts from one pile to the other, intently looking for the lost shirt. Leave it to Joe to lose something he wears almost everyday.

            "Find it yet?" she asked him, pretending to be looking around. Andy stopped tossing and stood up, staring at her. She caught his eyes and he saw them glint with bad intentions.

            "Why are you in here?" he asked her. She pretended to be offended.

            "I was just going to help you look…but now you can forget it," she said. Andy sighed, he wanted her to leave. He couldn't fight the arousal when Patrick wasn't around and her standing there with her tight tank top on made him nervous. He wouldn't be held responsible for how his hands might react. She didn't budge from the room, just continued giving Andy the eye. She took a step toward him, the room wasn't all that big to begin with, he was less then an arms length away.

            "Pete told me that you want me, Andy. Well, here I am no Patrick, no excuses. Your choice…" she said. Andy swallowed. Yeah, Patrick may not have been there right now, but people would start to wonder where he was if he didn’t come back for an hour.

            "I think I'm going to resist, even though it's probably the hardest thing I could do right now…in two ways, excuse me," he said as he walked by her. She grinned to herself, pushing all real emotions from her mind and just placed her thought on what she wanted at that exact moment. She grabbed Andy's arm as he got by her and stared him in the eyes. He wanted this and she could tell. She reached up and removed his glasses.

            "I find you extremely creepy, Andy. And last night just solidified that in my mind, but at the same time, I can't help but wonder about you. And you never answered my question…"she began, taking another step toward him, this time Andy stepped back, only to be up against the wall. She leaned into him and whispered, "Did you enjoy the show?"

            Andy didn't bother to answer her question; her breath on his ear caused a wave of bad intentions to slide through him. He pulled her head back and placed his lips on hers. She immediately regretted her decision to play with Andy, but as the kissing continued, she let that melt away. He was a damn good kisser, and she pushed her hips into his, groaning quietly as his hands slid around her waist. Andy let his hands slide across her hips and underneath her tank top, trailing his kiss down her neck.

            "Oh shit," she mumbled softly as Andy's fingertips began gliding over her nipples.

            "I FOUND IT!" They both heard Joe yell. The noise snapped them both out of whatever trance they had entered into and they backed away. She reached down and straitened her shirt, smoothing out her hair as Andy grabbed his glasses.  She hopped out of the back room and casually walked by Joe who stood with a triumphant grin on his face. Andy emerged a second later,

            "Well, are you putting it on? They are probably wondering where the hell we are," he said. Joe excitedly ripped the shirt he was wearing off, and put the 'Andy' shirt on as she laughed. Joe was too cute sometimes.

            "The concert is in an hour, you're still coming right?" Joe asked, turning to her. She nodded.

            "Of course. I just have to shower and look presentable. I'll see you guys then," she said smiling at both of them. Andy nodded awkwardly and hurried of the bus. Joe shrugged at his actions and followed suit.

            She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.

            "What the fuck just happened?" she muttered to the air…

***********************************

The game that you play
Ain't no fun

and I'm not sure if I like it. I'm not sure if I want this to just be a one shot as it is or if there should be more. Um...if you guys would like to see more from it, let me know.

"A sense of function but a disregard"

You said you we're going to conquer new frontiers

As the bus rolled on, Patrick sat peacefully on the couch at his Mac Book Pro, tinkering away with his Garageband. He let his eyes shift to the inspiration he was currently feeding off of, his napping girlfriend. She looked so beautiful and serene, her eyes lightly shut, her brain obviously at work on some kind of dream.

            After almost two hours had passed, Patrick listened over the half completed work, thinking about ways to improve it already. His girlfriend let her eyes open, sleep hadn't left her yet, but she smiles softly, the look on Patrick's face when he was working on a new song always made her pulse rise. She scooted herself over a little, throwing her left arm over his waist and resting her head on his upper thigh, trying to get a peak at his new masterpiece. Patrick quickly shut the laptop, his gaze on the sleepy calm in her eyes. She groaned as the laptop disappeared, Patrick never let anyone see his work until he was almost positive of it. Slowly, she sat up and ran her fingers through her sleep tossed hair. She smiled at him, and then leaned forward to kiss him. Apart from sex itself, her favorite thing in the world was to make out with Patrick. He was never anything short of passionate when it came to physical contact with her and she never felt abandoned or unwanted when she was in his presence. She carefully lifted her body to strattle Patrick's frame; he placed his hands on thighs, running them up and down the material of her pajama's. Soon, the kiss became entrancing, and clothes were no longer necessary.

            Patrick moved her off of him and gently laid her down, admiring every curve and every soft spot on her body. He leaned down to kiss his way from her neck down her body. She moaned; Patrick never failed to please her. He kissed his way back up her body, stopping at her breasts to lick them. She ran her slender fingers through his hair, groaning as he continued. She let her eyes roam, and then something caught her eye.

            The door separating the common area on the bus from the bunks was open slightly. The area was dark, so she couldn't see exactly if someone was there. She kept her eyes on it, still raking her finger through Patrick's hair as his kisses came back up to her throat.

            She grinned to herself as the figure standing in the doorway became visible to her:

Andy.

She wasn't sure if Andy could tell she was looking at him, but she could certainly see him. He was watching her, Patrick's body practically invisible to his eyes. Pete had told her Andy found her attractive, but she couldn't help but be creeped out by him. But, there was no harm in giving him a show if he wanted a show.

She reached her hands up to Patrick's shoulders and pushed him backward, until he was lying down on his back and she was on top of him, facing the doorway. She leaned down and took Patrick into her mouth, sucking on him while he groaned, totally oblivious to the peeping in the doorway. She smiled to herself, she adored hearing Patrick's approval of her actions, but she loved knowing someone was watching them.

She sat up and placed her body over Patrick's. She smiled at him and leaned down to kiss him softly, as she slid him inside. She sighed with satisfaction as he filled her. She began to moan and gasp, partly because it felt on the other because well, she was putting on a show. She leaned back; making sure her onlooker had a good view of her body as she fucked Patrick.

She made her best sex faces, Patrick's eyes were shut so tight, she knew she wasn't making them for him. She threw head back, the front of her body completely visible to eyes watching them fuck in the dim light. She leaned forward, feeling Patrick at a much more pleasing angle; he was hitting a perfect spot inside of her. She began to sweat and shiver, digging her nails in Patrick's flesh and she crashed her body down against him. Patrick grabbed her hips and thrusted up one last time, letting him fill her completely. She gasped as her own orgasm sent waves shivering down her spine. She sat upright for a minute, catching her breath and running her fingers through her hair as Patrick ran his hands up and down her thighs.

After a minute, she climbed off of him, digging around for her clothes. Patrick kissed her bare shoulder after she pulled her tank top back on. She pulled her pants up as Patrick slowly got dressed. She lay down and snuggled against her blankets. Patrick lay down beside her, wrapping his arms around her tightly. He kissed her neck as she sighed, satisfied.

"I should get to bunk. I really have to get some sleep sometime," Patrick said, sitting up. She frowned.

"Stay with me. Why do you have to get sleep somewhere else?" she asked him. He smiled and kissed her lips.

"Because you are too distracting. If I stay here, I'm going to stay up all night just looking at you," he replied. She ran her palm over his side burns and shrugged.

"Well, that's okay…" she said softly.

"Maybe for you, but I need my sleep. I love you," he replied kissing her nose. She grinned at him and watched him saunter off. He opened the door and Andy came out, acting like he was just waking.

"Hey man," Patrick said as he walked passed him. Andy nodded, and walked over towards the kitchen area, grabbing a soda out of the fridge. She faced the couch and listened to him. She looked over her shoulder at him across the comforter,

"Hey perv," she said. Andy turned around to look at her, "enjoy the show?" she asked him. Andy's eyes widened.

"What are you talking about?" he asked innocently. She sat up and brought her knees to her chest, resting her chin on them. She smiled.

"I saw you looking at me and Patrick. Or at least, looking at me," she said. Andy shook his head.

"I would never do such a thing…" he replied, sitting down at the table next to the couch. She nodded with her smile still evident.

"Uh-huh," she mumbled, laying back down and getting comfortable, the smile on her face carrying over into her sleep…

***********************************

If it can be fused, then it can be split

And then expect another one-shot (i think)

it's titled "Dear Pete Wentz: Get out of my Dreams"

here's the poem that I thought up on the way to school

and finished in class:

sometimes I wish to see a car-crash

or to be involved in one

just so I have something to do

it's not enough to say your here

when I can't feel your pulse

Is it wrong to desire

another's touch so bad

that you let your mind content

over fantasies and false truths?

I'm sorry my words

aren't delicate enough

but I'm tired of wasting my time.

"And all of what I feel I could show you tonight" by getupngo

You don't mean nothing at all to me
But, you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

            Patrick spots you from across the room; it was truly a blinding experience. After the heartache of his past regrets, he wasn’t sure that this was entirely possible. Your boots come halfway up your calves, and your jeans hug the skin of your legs.  He could see a little bit of skin sticking out from under your tank top and admired your curves. Your light brown hair shimmered under the hot lights of the room, the bottom of your hair grazing the middle of her back. He felt himself smile as you laugh and knew that one thing had to be done.

            As he strode across the room away from his friends, he felt confident. But the closer he gets to you, the more he feels like this wasn’t like him. His confident attitude began to plummet and he shyly slid his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. The closer he gets to you, the more he feels a list of negative things; he feels short, he feels fat, and he feels ridiculous.

            You are so nervous. You had never had an opportunity like this one before and you weren't sure how to be acting. You struck up a conversation with a girl who looked like she belonged there. You were feeling a little unconfident, but used your usual attitude for a way to act as though you knew what you were doing.

            The girl excuses herself from the conversation and leaves you standing there, feeling out of place once again. You turn to see who else you could possibly talk to and were met with a gorgeous pair of green eyes. You feel your breath get caught in your throat. It was him; the man you had embarrassing dreams about and the man who could make you lust with just the sound of his voice. 

Patrick cleared his throat. You were so beautiful; he wasn’t sure what to say. He felt like words weren't really available at this moment.

"Hi," you manage to breathe out. He smiles at you. In the middle of all these people, he felt alone with you. He feels shielded from the rest of the world, he feels like the two of you were the only people left. He watches as your eyes began to sparkle. God, he missed seeing that in a girl.

You don't know what came over you, but you found herself leaning forward and whispering "let's go out of here," into his ear. Patrick tries hard to fight a sly smile, but lets one play on his face anyway…

He leads you inside the hotel room, his palms sweating from the novelty of this situation. Doing this, outside of a committed relationship, was too foreign to him; he wasn’t sure what was going through his mind.  He let the door shut softly behind him and you gaze around the room. Aside from various articles of clothing strewn across the room that obviously belonged to your biggest idols, it was just another fancy hotel room occupied by some sloppy rock stars. You pull your eyes away from the mess and look at Patrick shyly. You had felt so positive until now, now you feel embarrassed and silly. You never wanted to just have sex with the lead singer, you wanted to know him, but you realize you had already extended the invitation and it was what he was expecting. You admire up close what you had always admired from afar, his body was hardly perfect but it was what drove you crazy over him. You can't stand the few feet of distance anymore and approach him cautiously.

Patrick felt red as he watches you scan the mess in the room; he really shouldn't have brought you here. But this beautiful creature had asked for this, and he wasn't going to say no to affection of any sort, he wanted to feel less lonely, if only for one night. He feels his pulse race as you turn to him, your hair whipping away from your bare shoulders, shimmering as it went. Your skin looked so smooth; he just wanted to caress you. You walk on, your eyes level with each other, and you stared at his lips for a moment before attempting to taste them.

Soft. The feeling on your lips pressed together was intoxicating, Patrick smelled of cologne and sweat. All of the feelings rushing to your panties. Patrick felt his breath quicken and sighed into your mouth. It had been too long since he had felt anything even remotely near the butterflies that currently took over his stomach. You reached back, rubbing the back of his neck and pulled him closer. He groaned softly has you pressed your hips to his, feeling his excitement between you. Patrick feels optimistic and reaches back to slide his fingers through your silky hair which smells amazing to him. Your lips taste so sweet, he never wanted to leave them, but you had other plans. You drop your bag on the closest table, freeing yourself to do as you please. You eye Patrick intently, trying to read him, making sure his signs and signals are telling you to continue.

Patrick ran his palms down his thighs, the eyes behind his glasses making sure that space was available to lay you down when the time came. One of the beds was completely clear and he kept his mind on it, starting to feel his knees shake. This was all too strange, but he knew he felt something real in the pit of stomach. Something real in the beating of his heart. This was no way to go about finding another girlfriend, but it was the best option he'd come across.

You smile to yourself as the nervousness spreads across Patrick's shy eyes. You adored him from the hat on his head to the sneakers on his feet, and desperately needed him to know this.

"Patrick?" you ask him softly. He nods, still not looking directly at you, but the mess in the room. You go to say something, but suddenly find all of your words are cheesy. All of the things forming in your head are worthless. Finally his eyes meet yours and you feel the worry melt away. Carefully, you stride in front of him and to the bed, where you sit on the edge, waiting for him to join you. Patrick clears his throat, this was really happening. You smile to yourself once again as you watch him approach you, sitting down beside you, looking like a toddler about to have his first peck on the cheek. You lean forward, taking his lips on yours once more, reveling in the feelings creeping up your spine. Patrick places his hand on your upper thigh and you moan quietly, suddenly forgetting who this man was to you and now concentrating on who he was becoming. You want to know him from the outside in, and tonight was the night you were going to begin.

Patrick was ready to move this forward; he places his hand on your neck and runs it down your collar bone and over your shoulder, making your whole body tingle. He moves away from your mouth and places his lips gently in the curve of your neck and moves the kisses upward. He trails them back down and across your collar bone to the other side of your neck. You aren't sure what to do, where to put your hands or anything. All you know is that this is one of the most intense feelings you've had in a long time. He slides his hand back up your arms and hooks his fingers around the straps of your tank top and gently pulls the straps away from your shoulders. He trails his kisses across your collar bone again, then takes them further and kisses first your right shoulder and then your left, caressing your bare skin as he goes.

You decide to place your hands on his chest, fisting the fabric of his shirt into your hands and pulling his body closer to you. You lean back as he keeps getting closer, until you are both lying together, side by side. Your lips find each other once more, the passion has grown and you can't keep your hands off of him. You knock his hat away, and then move your hand to the back of his head, gently trailing it to his face, rubbing his cheek as you continue your heated embrace.

Patrick slides his hand away from you shoulder and moves it to your stomach. You suck in your breath, his hands so close to your most intimate area makes you shiver once more. Gently, you can feel his hand sliding underneath your tank top, aiming for your breasts. You want him to touch you so bad. He pushes your face away from his and places his kisses on your neck again, moving them lower until his lips cross over the top of your breasts. You feel your hands start to shake, this was really happening, you weren't dreaming. You let your hands move on their own, you know that if you fight them, you will only make your nerves worse. They find themselves traveling around Patrick's belt, and you carefully move your hand lower, feeling his obvious arousal in your palm. You gasp suddenly, realizing now that your shirt is being peeled from your body. You push his hands away, not ready to get naked. You return your hand to his belt, undoing it with one hand, as well as slipping the zipper down on his hoodie. He pulls his hoodie off and takes a deep breath as you slide your hand inside his pants. He slides his hand into your pants as well, now able to feel your extreme arousal, playing with you as you kiss him hard on the lips. You weren't sure how long the both of you laid there, pleasuring each other and kissing each other all over your face and neck, but Patrick was close to coming, as you were and neither of you wanted this to end. You roll onto your back, as Patrick follows on top of you and you lean forward letting him pull your shirt over your head. You see Patrick's eyes quickly, they appear glazed over, a sense of pure lust coursing through his gaze. He leans forward and places kisses on you breasts, causing you to gasp out loud as he pleases you.

Your fingers start grazing his back, then suddenly scratching as he glides his left hand across your abdomen and to the belt on you jeans. You put your hands to the hem of his shirt, pulling it off as he moves down your body, tenderly kissing you all over your stomach. He sits up and grabs your left leg, dragging the zipper down on your boot, pulling it off and he repeats the motion on your right leg. He leans forward and kisses your stomach once more as he undoes your belt, opening the zipper and tugging your jeans away from your body. He places his hands on the inside of your thighs, gently pushing your legs apart. He leans down and kisses the inside of your left thigh, and then your right, repeatedly, his kisses getting dangerously close each time.

Finally you can't stand it anymore. You grab his fine hair and pull him to you, his tongue finally attaching to where you desired it to be the most. You moan and gasp out loud, quietly saying his name over and over.

"I can't stand it," he gasps out, moving his body above yours again. You know exactly what he means. He places himself at your entrance and you try to steady your head, the room is spinning now. Patrick's hurried breath on your neck is making you light-headed. He gently pushes himself in, grunting as he does so. You gasp loudly, the feeling of him stretching you is so new, and it's amazing to experience. He rests his head on your shoulder for a moment as he tries to catch his breath. Your nails are digging into his shoulders; you wait in anticipation for him to begin once more. This is all happening in slow motion, neither of your brains have the capacity to comprehend the existence of time at that exact moment. As Patrick composes himself, music fills his mind; it’s the only thing that he is able to think of now when it comes to you. His muse, his inspiration.

He begins to slowly thrust in and out of you, both of you letting out sounds of ecstasy. Your skin begins to tingle underneath Patrick's body. You throw your head back, grasping at his hands on either side of your body, then at the sheets beneath you. You wish he could get closer to you, its not enough to feel him this way, you want him completely and wholly. You see sweat forming along his hairline, and you feel the perspiration on your body as well. You reach up and wrap your arms around his neck, watching his face as your orgasms begin to build. He kisses your ear, then warns you he is about to come. You nodded quickly, agreeing that it was almost time. He pushes in and out of you for another minute before slamming himself in hard, releasing his pleasure deep inside you as you grasp at his shoulders once more, burying your head in his neck, calling out his name.

Carefully, Patrick slid out of you and onto his side, still holding you tight as you both bathed in the immense glow. You turn your body to face him, pressing your lips together in a passionate, yet gentle kiss. You snuggled close to his body, never wanting to let go of this mutual feeling of pure lust that was quickly becoming the love of a lifetime…

*********************************

From my body I can show you a place god knows

Buzznet sucks at uploading the videos from my camera, so I'm going to put them on YouTube.

I will post the URLs here as I post the vids.

Some of the videos will be of good quality, the others will be shitty.

Some of them are from my camera, the others from my cell phone because my camera has low memory (even with the card)

so stay tuned, I'll keep updating this journal! 

EDIT 1: "Our Lawyers Made Us": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjB5-EDBkzI

EDIT 1: Beginning of "Dance, Dance": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Celwe7OcU9s <--Patrick is freaking adorable.

EDIT 1: "Saturday" w/ Travis!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYWmZ4WZBus

EDIT 1: Ending of "Saturday": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOyjloeUil4

EDIT 2: "Sugar...": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyAZBcRTctE

EDIT 2: my favorite verse of "Growing up": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlPvaibfdH8

EDIT 2: Beginning of "Thriller": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1lvyh00UHE

EDIT 2: about .5 seconds of "Arms Race": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzuHZ7ylXBQ

AN: So, this one time I had a dream that Pete was in the movie "See No Evil". And last night I had a dream that Pete was in "Saw". I smell his next career move!

I woke up before my dream ended, so I made it up. I'm very excited about this story; I hope you horror fans enjoy it!

*****************************************

"Dying to be Alive" by getupngo

We're all on the ground, just crying out
Somebody save me please

Pete woke up with his head pounding. What time was it? The last thing he remembered was screaming at his fiancé. They were fighting…again. He opened his eyes and suddenly panicked. Why couldn't he see anything? It was pitch black and he felt cold concrete beneath him. A faint ticking noise could be heard in the distance. What was that? Suddenly the ticking stopped and dim lights flickered on and Pete blinked through them. He let his eyes adjust and then noticed he was sitting in a dirty empty room. To his left was a rusty bathtub and further down the room he saw…Jacey?

            "Baby?" he croaked, but his throat was sore and parched. He went to stand but found his ankle was chained to a large pipe.

            "What the fu…?" he questioned. He heard a groan from the other side of the room where his fiancé was laying on a dirty cot.  Jacey woke up and felt every muscle in her body on fire. What was happening? She squinted through the room, her vision blurry from the odd pains shooting through her system. She smiled softly as she saw Pete gazing at her, she was home. It was okay…it was just a dream.

            "Oh my god, Jacey? Are you okay?" she heard him ask. His voice made her head pound. What did he mean? Weren't they…she took a better look at her surroundings. She quickly noticed the disgusting cot she was laying on a sat up quickly, causing all of her muscles to scream at her. Her boyfriend was chained by his ankle to a large pipe. What was going on?! In a sudden fit of panicked anxiety, Jacey led her screaming muscles to the floor and tried to get to Pete, when she felt a tug on her ankle. She was chained to this awful cot. She closed her eyes as she felt the tears begin to slip from her eyes.

            "Jacey, don't cry. Please," Pete pleaded to her softly. She lay down on the cold concrete and reached out to him. He was so far away. Pete copied her motions and lay down with his arms outstretched. Their fingers tips barely touched. Jacey just wanted Pete to hold her, to make the pain in her body go away. She suddenly felt like the only thing she wanted was to breathe him in as she died. What was going on?

            "Pete…I'm so scared. What's happening? Every muscle in my body aches," she said in a low whisper. Pete shook his head and he rubbed their fingers tips together. His mind was reeling. How did they get here?

            "I love you. You know that right? Whatever I said earlier, I didn't mean it. You are the most important person in the world to me and I'm going to get us out of here. I promise," Pete said, his eyes gazing deep into hers. She smiled softly and nodded.

            "I know. I love you too," she replied. Pete kept his feeble grasp on Jacey fingers and peered around the dim room. There had to be something. A little way from the couple on the floor was a small black tape player. Pete reached over to it and could barely touch it, but was able to pull it closer. Jacey gazed at it in question as Pete took a wary glance at her. With his shaking hand he hit play:

            "Hello, Pete. I want to play a game. You've made your name with an attitude towards life that can only be described as self destructive. You have so much in your life to be thankful for, but you refuse to concentrate on that and you only think about the bad. You are chained to this room because it's time for you to see what is really important in life. The disorder you cling to as your excuse for creating drama is not real. The visits to a therapist are unnecessary. In front of you is the girl you claim to be the love of your life. If that's the case, what would you do to save her life? Would you risk your own if she was guaranteed to walk free? Jacey here has everything she could ever need, but nothing is ever good enough for her. Hopefully she will learn the value of life's simple pleasures. You, Pete, hold the key to her freedom and yours. You have exactly three hours before she dies. She has been injected with a poison that if the antidote is not given within three hours, it will shut down her nervous system and cause heart failure. The antidote is somewhere in the room. What will you do to save a life Pete Wentz? Oh yes and try not to exert your usual amount of anger. It won't help you here. You have three hours; it is currently five o' clock. Good luck."

            Jacey had reduced herself into full on shock. Her entire body was heaving with heavy tears and sobs. Pete felt all of his color drain from his face. How the fuck did this happen? He was a heavily watched super star, someone was going to obviously notice he was gone if he died here. Jacey hiccupped amongst her insane pain and it caused Pete to remember the situation at hand. She was dying…

            "Baby? Baby, look at me. Please, look at me," he said sternly. Jacey looked up and quieted her misery. She peered in Pete's eyes and saw the usual amount of foolish bravery. She shook her head, feeling like she should just give up hope; Pete was too much of a loose fuse to think enough to get them out of here safely. She made eye contact with him as he spoke softly, "Go lay down over there and rest, okay? I'm going to get you out of here if it kills me. I promise. I love you so much," he said. Jacey sniffled and nodded. As she stood up she felt her pulse escalate quickly. This poison was strong and her whole body was feeling its effects. Her muscles continued to burn as she slowly crawled her way back to the dirty cot and lay down, closing her eyes, wishing to be out in the sunlight…or moonlight. Just wishing for fresh air…

            Pete sat up and thought hard. This room was so dark, how was he supposed to find anything, let alone a tiny bottle and syringe? Over on the other side of the room was a pile of what looked like old t-shirts. A little too obvious, he thought, but it's worth a shot. He got on his hands and knees and crawled over to the pile of dirty shirts. He was almost too far away from them, but pulled himself closer, the shackle around his ankle digging into his flesh. Pete groaned in pain as he started pulling each shirt away from the pile. He pulled the fourth one out and small key clattered to the ground. Feeling excited, he reached for it and sat up. He quickly went straight for the constraint around his ankle and slipped the key in and turned it. He heard a click as the lock opened and he pulled the shackle away. That was way too easy, he thought. He sat and stared at his new freedom for a minute, thinking hard about why that was so simple. He glanced over to Jacey, and suddenly rushed to his feet. He knelt at the edge of the cot and wrapped his arms tightly around her. God he loved her so much, he didn’t want her to die. He would take a bullet for her, but never honestly thought he'd be faced with that dilemma. But here it was and he certainly wasn't going to let her die, not at his own hands.

            "Pete," she said softly, her freezing cold hands grasping and his shoulders, pulling him as close as possible. "I'm so cold," she said. He nodded and rubbed her arms for a minute, his eyes searching the room as his mind went over scenarios. He pulled his hoodie off and wrapped it around Jacey, who shivered but was thankful for the new warmth that also happened to smell just like Pete. She relished in the smell, suddenly very thankful for such small pleasures as the scent of her boyfriend and the warmth of a sweatshirt. Pete leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers, the kiss giving him some small amount of hope and comfort. He leaned his forehead on hers and just held her for one more minute before standing again.

            "Pete! Please don't leave me here," Jacey said as she felt him move away. He looked at her, then knelt down and ran his fingers through her hair.

            "I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to be right here. I'm going to get us out of here. I love you," he said. Jacey nodded and closed her eyes, hearing Pete walking away from her.

            Pete sighed as he began searching the perimeter of the room. This felt so hopeless. His fiancé was dying and he felt so hopeless, wondering what the threat was to his life. Surely there was something that could kill him around here. He felt fairly certain of it. He reached the bathtub which was filled with murky water and was truly apprehensive of reaching in the cloudy water, but rolled up his sleeves and took a deep breath. The water was warm, which Pete found strange. That meant that it must've been filled recently. He felt around the bottom for a while, only to come back empty handed. Determined, he reached back into the water once more, feeling around for a plug. He felt the chain floating in the water and the plug in the drain. Not waiting anything to slip down the pipe, he reached the other hand underneath the water and placed his fingers by the stopper, so they acted like a filter so he could catch and object, but the water would drain out. As he watched the water filter away, nothing was hitting his hand and he was disappointed to find that the tub really was empty. He tossed the stopped into the rusty tub and felt his temper begin to rise. He needed his pills. Angrily Pete stopped over to a filthy toilet on the other wall. He took a deep breath as he flipped up the dirty lid. There was nothing in the toilet bowl but more filth. Pete reached to the back of the toilet, lifting the heavy ceramic lid and placing in beside the toilet. He peered inside but once again saw nothing but murky water. Feeling disgusted that he had to actually reach in there; he closed his eyes and plunged his arm into the toilet water. He felt around, feeling only the tiny pipes for a while before he yelped as he felt something sharp hit him. He quickly yanked his arm from the water, only to find a tiny syringe sticking out of his index finger. Shivering, Pete yanked the needle for his finger and watched himself start to bleed; feeling like this must have been the threat to his life. Now he had hepatitis.

            His mind then traveled to the fact that he would have to stick this dirty needle into his girlfriend's arm. He looked up at her and felt tears begin to well in his eyes. She wasn't going to die, she wasn’t going to die. He kept repeating that sentence in his mind. She wasn't going to die. He continued on to the next part of the room. Hiding in the darkest corner of the room, Pete suddenly noticed, was a metal box. He rushed to it, pulling the same key out of his pocket. He placed it in the lock and opened the lid. Inside was another tape player. Pete felt anger again, he just wanted to save Jacey and go home to be with her and his puppy. He was sorry for always being so dramatic, he was sorry for lamenting over all the things wrong in his life, he knew he had an amazing life. He knew the things he had to be thankful for were plentiful, but when you can't sleep at night, the only things you think about are the bad things. He reached in and pressed play:

            "Congratulations. You've completed the easy tasks. Good job on not losing your temper thus far. Jacey is slowly slipping away for you, Pete and time is running out. Somewhere in here is a bottle of alcohol to clean off the syringe. You also still need to find the antidote. This room may look empty, but the answer is closer to you then you think." The tape stopped. Well, that was helpful, Pete thought to himself. He reached in the box once more and pulled out some pictures. He cringed at them. They were his infamous naked pictures, as well as shots the paparazzi had taken of him while he was making his most recent album in LA. Jacey would be so upset to see these, he wasn't proud of these nights. He was wondering why this was important, when he got to the last picture. It was an x-ray photo of his left forearm. Underneath his skin's surface was a key.

            "Oh, what the FUCK!" Pete screamed. Jacey snapped her eyes open at Pete's voice, which was suddenly very loud.

            "Honey, what's the matter?" she asked softly. Pete turned his head to her and felt heavy with the weight of this situation being on him. Jacey's face was extremely pale now, her lips a slight shade of blue. Pete felt his heart breaking. He had to do this, he had to carry on. He grabbed a knife out of the box and held onto it. First, he was going to find where this key belonged and then he was going to slice open his very own arm to save his love. He stood up and felt so worn out from the emotions coursing through him. He walked begrudgingly to the opposite side of the room, his finger running over the blade on the knife. There was a fuse box sitting on the wall that Pete thought what the hell. He opened it to see nothing but switches and sighed. Where else could something be hidden? He walked over to the cot and kneeled down to Jacey.

            "Baby? Can you sit up at all? I just need to check something," he spoke to her softly. He didn’t want to alarm her; she needed all of her strength. Wearily, she opened her eyes. Pete rested his hand on her pale cheek, kissing the tip of her nose. She made a motion to sit up, but her body fought back. She could barely life her own body with her arms. As she was falling back to the cot, Pete reached out and caught her, helping her sit up and she groaned out in pain. Pete held his breath; he hated knowing how much pain she was in and not being able to help her. Jacey leaned up against the wall, using all the power she had to keep herself sitting straight. Pete flipped the flimsy mattress up only to see nothing beneath it. He flipped up the opposite side and was again met with no results. Jacey couldn't keep her body up anymore and slowly slid down the wall. Pete reached over and carefully helped her lay back down. He lifted her head up and she got settled and pulled the pillow out from underneath her. He yanked the dirty pillow case away and then sat down on the floor with the uncovered pillow. He took the knife and dug it into the fabric, careful to not puncture anything that could be inside. He ripped open the rest of the fabric and then started to pull the stuffing apart. His eyes got wide when he came across an envelope. He ripped the tan paper open and saw with joy a tiny box inside. His sudden happiness was quickly dissolved as he realized what had to happen next. He looked at Jacey, her face contorted in pain. Her breath was getting shallow. He crawled up to her and rested his head by her, taking in his last moments of comfort by her body.

            "God damn it, Jacey. I love you so much. I'm not going to lose you. Fuck…" he said, his voice getting tight in his throat. Her eyes fluttered open and she peered at him.

            "What's wrong, Petey?" she asked him, her voice barely above a whisper. He looked at her, the sadness in his eyes causing her form to go blurry. He shook his head.

            "Put the hood up and don't look at me, okay? No matter what you here, just keep your eyes closed. Promise me?" he said, trying to sound strong and brave. He really felt like just slitting his own throat and Jacey's, just so they wouldn't have to suffer anymore.

            "Pete? What? I can't…what are you talking about?" she said, suddenly letting concern overwhelm the pain in her heart and muscles. Pete closed his eyes, shutting the tears away. He couldn't look at her anymore.

            "Just promise me, Jacey! Don't look at me no matter what you hear! I've got to do this. I have to save you," he said, his resolve getting weaker. Jacey stared at him for a moment.

            "Peter?" she said, her voice calm again. Reluctantly, he turned his eyes to her once more. She smiled through her anguish and took in his eyes and his face. He was the most attractive man in the world to her, his flaws and his perfections. Everything about him was perfect in her eyes. "I'm always going to love you. Don't be scared anymore, not for me. It's all going to be okay," she said, her breath catching in her throat. She was going to die very soon, she could feel it. She was having the worst time breathing and all of her muscles were cramping. Pete felt alarmed suddenly. These sounded like last words. He crawled over to her and ran his hand down her arm. He shook his head.

            "No. No, not now. Hang on, please! Jacey, just a few more minutes," he kissed her quickly, then reached back and pulled the hood from his sweatshirt up over her head. "Don't open your eyes. Just hang on," he pleaded. She took a shaky breath and nodded slightly. Pete started to shake. He took a deep breath, and sat down, facing Jacey. He reached down and grabbed the knife in his hand. He looked at it for a second, then took off his t-shirt and crumpled it into a ball, stuffing part of it in his mouth. He didn't want to scream, but he knew he was going to anyway.

            With one last deep breath, Pete took the knife in his right hand and scratched at the surface of his skin. This was going to take too long, he had to dig. Okay, Wentz. Just fucking do it. You know it's going to hurt like a mother fucker, but you have to do this. He took one last deep breath and dug the knife into his forearm. He screamed loudly, the sound muffled by the fabric in his mouth. The pain was like nothing he had ever imagined. He had only made a small cut; he knew he was going to have to slice more. He drug the sharp edge of the knife across his skin, penetrating about a quarter of an inch. He hollered, tears sliding down his cheeks. Fuck, fuck, fuck! This hurts so fucking bad! Finally, he felt that he had cut deep enough and long enough and dropped the knife to the ground. Taking another deep breath and biting down hard on the t-shirt, he stuck his fingers into his cut. His fingers were dirty and the sensation was horrible. The gash was burning; his arm felt like it was on fire. His fingers slipped around in his own blood. How the hell was he supposed to find a key in here? He was screaming nonstop now, the pain was unreal. His whole arm and both of his hands were drenched in his own blood. He cried as he watched his life slide out. Then he saw it, pooling by his wrist, and a tiny fleck of gold amongst all the crimson. He grasped it; the key was slippery from his blood. With his shaking body, he reached down to the tiny box with his good arm, stepping on the lid and sliding the key in. He took his foot off and opened the lid. He sniffled as his eyes landed on exactly what he was looking for. There was a tiny bottle of alcohol to stick the syringe in and a tiny bottle of what he prayed to god was the antidote. As his cut continued to gush blood, he reached down and grabbed both bottles with his bloody left hand and grabbed the syringe with his right. He stuck the needle point in the alcohol, and then quickly stuck it in the antidote. He pulled the syringe and watched with as much joy as he could as it began to fill with liquid. He quickly let the bottles drop to the ground and crawled over to Jacey. He ripped at the zipper on the hoodie and pulled the sleeve off of her right arm. She stirred very slightly; she was minutes away from her death. Pete steadied himself as much as possible. He felt extremely light headed and just wanted to lie down. He put the needle to the inside of her arm and looked for a vein. It was so dark, the task was nearly impossible and his vision was so blurry. Finally he saw a thin blue line in her arm and pressed in the needle. For someone who was so deathly afraid of needles as Jacey was, she didn’t budge. Pete pressed the syringe in and prayed to god that she was going to recover soon. He needed help. He was dying now. He was losing too much blood. Once the syringe was empty, he pulled the needle out and collapsed on the floor.

            Jacey wasn't sure how much time lapsed between feeling the needle and her beginning to feel better. But she soon felt good enough to at least sit up and did so with much effort. She let her eyes begin to focus on the room and panicked when she realized Pete was nowhere to be seen. She then looked down and saw him on the floor, surrounded by a pool of blood. Alarmed she got to his side on the floor and rolled him over on his back, screaming when she saw the gash still leaking blood on his arm.

            "Oh my god, Pete! Pete! Can you hear me? Holy shit, baby, are you okay. Oh shit…" she said. This wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to save himself; she would've gladly died for him. He moaned softly, opening his eyes a little to see Jacey. She was safe, she had more color.

            "Fuck, baby, I love you. I'm so sorry. I can't hang on much longer," he said, his voice low. She shook her head, the tears streaming down her face.

            "You have to; we're going to get out of here right now. Stand up, please. I'm going to get you help. I'm so glad you are in my life, I could never ask for anything more," she grabbed the t-shirt from the floor and pressed the fabric to his wound. She wrapped the shirt around his arm and tied it tightly, "I love you so much and you are all I'm ever going to need. As long as I have you, I know I'm never going to be without fortune. Please, Pete! Get up!" she cried. He smiled.

            "I love you too. I'm so thankful for everyday we've spent together. I cheated on you and I'm so sorry. I won't ever do that again. I love my life; it's so good to me. I'm the luckiest guy I've ever known," he said, attempting a smile. Jacey smiled through her tears.

            "Get up, Pete." She begged one last time. He slowly sat up, his strength was minimal, but he managed to get to his feet, leaning on Jacey for support, now and for the rest of his living days, he resolved. As the couple got to their feet, they both heard a click from the other end of the room. They stared at the direction of the noise and headed for it. They reached the end of the room and Jacey saw a door handle. She took a deep breath and pulled. The door slid open as she continued to pull, revealing to the couple a dimly lit hallway. She gazed at Pete and he looked at her. The lovers now knew the true meaning of happiness and slowly began to make their way up the long, dim corridor…

*********************

And we all come, tumbling down
No matter how strong
We all return to the ground
Another day gone, a day closer to fate
And soon we'll find it's a little bit too late

IM SEEING FOB ON MONDAY!!!!!!!!

do a dance for meeeeeeeee!

things happen for a reason. I'm meant to not go on sunday, cos now I'm going on monday!

So my "friend" Jordan had this AOL profile up for a while, bit has since changed it, but I was informed today that on the subject of "Arms Race" he had said:

"So boys wearing tight pants is comparable to a Cold War?"

Now see, Jordan is what we can qualify under 'elitist douchebag', but really, I think he has Pete's meaning all wrong.

Don't we think "This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race" has a double meaning? Potentially, it definately could mean scene as in: emo music, boys in eyeliner and the like. But doesn't it ALSO mean "this whole 'scene' (as in the music business, the world obsessed with celebrities, or life in general) has become surivial of the fittest".

What do you guys think? It really made me wonder if I should read between the lines in Pete's writing or if he really is just being so staightfoward.

But, knowing Pete, there is more than meets the eye.

and you never thought it would come...

Dear Ryan Ross,

            I know we had a falling out, but please, my offer has been ratified:

What do you think about the fans that have tracked down your past girlfriends have begun idolizing them and giving each their own cult following via the internet?

Ryan: It’s Disgusting. Why would people idolize someone who doesn’t do anything and saying you’re a model/photographer with a digital camera and photoshop does not count as an artist.

Please, marry me? Love, Callan

Chapter Four: and I wish that I could just let this go…

But I'm thinking, that I don't know what I'm feeling

**********************************************

            Addison discovered that basically her job while on the road was to keep an eye on them, make sure they had all of their instruments and costumes for every show and take care of any problems that arose, within reason. Most of the problems involved insane fans, she realized. That was definitely the biggest drawback she had found so far.

            As the tour continued to progress, her feelings for Brendon constantly dwindled. He was pretty much everything that made her crazy about guys, from his loud mouth to his random freak outs, he was too much for her to handle. She felt bad for feeling this way about him, he always doted on her and never gave her any reasons to complain, but she found herself attracted to Jon, but sort of felt almost like he might've been too good for her. She had no interest in Ryan or Spencer, not physically or mentally so she decided to just let her hopes of finding a little romance go and to concentrate on what she really needed to do.

This idea worked for at least a little while, of course, but the more time she spent alone with the guys, the harder it got for her to deny that she wanted to feel something, for someone.

Addison sat lazily on the back of the bus, desperately wanting to poor her heart out on her computer screen, but the words in her mind were just jumbled and stuck. As of late, she had no real inspirations, no one to call her muse and it pushed her into this awful writer's block moment. After she sat staring blindly at the screen in front of her for probably a half hour, she looked up to see Brendon approaching her. She sighed, frustrated merely by his presence.

"Hey, Addy," he said, sitting next to her and placing a gentle kiss on her cheek. She smiled at him and watched as he settled down next to her, opening his laptop to check his email.

"Hey," she said, barely looking at him. After a few seconds of an awkward silence, Brendon finally sat his laptop down and stared at Addison. She shifted under his gaze, trying hard to ignore him, but instead opted to gaze back at him.

"What?" she asked him slowly. He smiled and shrugged his shoulders, leaning in to kiss her on the lips. Addison sighed, unwillingly letting Brendon surround her. She didn’t want this to happen, it wasn't fair to him. She continued to fight with her mind as Brendon's chilly fingers began sliding up the front of her shirt. She sucked in her breath and stayed still while Brendon groaned slightly, she could tell he was turning himself on, at the very least. Just has his fingers began to graze around the hem of her shirt, the door to the back room flew open, causing Brendon to sit up quickly and make Addison blush as Jon's face came into her vision. She couldn't believe her luck.

"Sorry guys, I was just…um…" Jon began, his face started to glow red and he looked like he was searching for an excuse to continue to enter.

"Just…forget it, okay Jon?" Brendon stated simple, frustratingly glaring at him, then Addison. She shrugged, feeling totally relieved at Jon's "bad" timing. Brendon continued to peer at Addison, wanting her tot ell Jon to get lost. When she didn’t, he felt his temper begin to rise. Was she not his girlfriend? Jon continued and walked on, sitting down on the other side of Addison, also picking up his laptop.

"Addison?" Brendon said to her in a harsh whisper. She shrugged again, waiting him to go away.

"Ugh, what the fuck," Brendon mumbled as he stood up and began to storm out the back room. Jon shook his head and let out a laugh.

"Sometime I think that kid needs a Midol," Jon said, not moving his eyes away from the screen. Addison grinned stupidly, but caught herself before he had a chance to se her face.

"So…" Jon began while intently typing away on his blog, "how's it going? You and Brendon, huh?" he began, a hint of mocking in his voice. Addison huffed.

"Brendon and I are going no where. We are stopping ASAP," she replied. Jon shook his head.

"Good luck, that kid sticks like superglue," he replied. Addison whipped her head around and stared at Jon.

"Come again?" she said. He looked at her for the first time in days and nodded.

"He has a bad habit of becoming too attached, too fast. Especially if you slept with him. I love the kid, but he's a little to weird sometimes," he added. Addison felt herself get red; this is what she gets for being a little needy.

"Fuck," Addison exclaimed softly.

"I don’t normally do this, Jon. I swear. I hate guys like Brendon. So needy and shit. Plus, like you said, he is a little weird. Plus, he's worse than a girl sometimes. I hate girls, I prefer guys," Addison stated.

"Good thing I consider myself a male then," Jon said, returning his attention back to his typing. Addison grinned at him once more. Was this his subtle way of admitting he's attracted to her? Addison shook her head. Yeah, right. After what felt like hours of her just sitting there next to Jon, listening to him breath and thinking about him touching her and similar fantasies, a knock on the door disturbed her.

"Addison?" she heard the voice ask. She recognized it as Bob's and suddenly felt worried. She leaned over and pulled on the blinds, looking out the back window and noticing they were at another rest stop.

"Shit," she mumbled, standing quickly, feeling flustered from her thoughts. She opened the door to see Bob looking at her behind troubled eyes and Brendon standing behind him, a little away, his arms crossed over his chest.

"That vindictive mother fucker," she thought.

"Take a walk with me?" Bob said his tone full of authority. Jon come around behind her and hastily noticed the sudden tension in Addison's body, as well as the smug grin on Brendon's face. Bob walked on, past the bunks, into the front section and off the bus. Addison sighed and followed behind him. As she passed Jon, she rolled her eyes and as she walked passed Brendon, she shoved him hard in the chest, feeling a little better when she saw him loose his balance and fall back onto the bunk below him.

"Bitch," Brendon grumbled as Jon let out a snigger. He liked this girl more each day…

Feeling pissed as hell that this was the second strike against her in only a month of touring; Addison angrily did her jobs for the evening, a disposition that was not helping her suddenly shaky internship status. The whole evening she was getting nasty with the fans, the boys and their crew. The concert itself seemed to last an extremely long amount of time, and he jobs seemed more irritating than usual. As the boys ended their second set, retreating to their dressing room to shower and get ready to move on to the next city, Addison angrily left them to their own vices and walked onto the bus to shower herself, thinking maybe the hot water would do her good.

Addison sighed, wiping the fog from the mirror in the tiny bathroom. How the hell did she get here? Wasn't this experience supposed to be life changing and the best time of her life? Why was she letting some egotistical, god's gift boys ruin this for her? She decided that she was done for good. No more fighting and no more fucking.

She wrapped her towel around her body tightly and combed through her wet hair, letting the cool water drip over her shoulders and down her back. She opened the door and stared down at her feet, padding her way to her bunk for clothing. She reached down and got her underwear, pulling them on beneath her towel. She reached up and rung out her hair, hearing the droplets hit the carpet below her feet. She pulled off her towel and grabbed her pajama pants and once she got one leg in, she heard the door open and gasped, quickly pulling the other leg through and covering her bare breasts, turning around to face the rude asshole who decided knocking was beneath him.

"Whoa, hey…my timing today is impeccable," Jon said with a smile. Addison was annoyed that she actually liked Jon and smiled at him, allowing him to be the reason her new rules would be thrown out the window.

"Next time, just knock, okay?" she said, still covering her breasts with her arms and reaching to grab her tank top, pulling it over her head quickly. She grabbed her towel once more and vigorously dried her hair. Jon sat in his bunk which was adjacent to hers, sliding his feet out of his flip flops and collapsing on his bunk.

"So, one more strike and you’re out, huh?" Jon said, desperately searching for a conversation. Addison cringed. This touring life was like a tiny community where everyone knew everyone else's business and it was maddening to the private minded Addison.

"Yeah, I guess I wasn't expecting Brendon to fucking tell on me. Like, what a baby. Urg! He has me so fucking mad, Jon! Why didn’t anyone warn me?" Addison asked, sitting on the edge of Jon's bunk.

"Hey, if I would've known before it happened that it was happening, I definitely would've warned you," Jon said. Addison smiled at him once more.

"Thank god at least one of you is normal," she said with a slight laugh, feeling extremely at ease with him.

"That's because I know the dark side of this business. I've seen it swallow too many people whole. I refuse to get caught up in the hype. This life is entirely too temporary."

*******************************

"We just need space for breathing"

Epilouge: But it seems here, I'm never quite alive, I'll share your ghost tonight.

Title: A Verpertine Haunting - Goodbye Tomorrow

*********************************

Three years later, Pete Wentz sat on the verge of 30 and wondered where time went. Fall Out Boy had put out one last record, released to critical acclaim, but low fanfare.

            Pete was sitting in his house, on his couch, watching Hemmingway sleep. He scratched his head and sighed, listening to his fiancé fumble around in the kitchen. He decided to move on, assuming Corbin would have just cared for his happiness and would've hated to see him be alone and sad. He told this girl that he could never love her with all of his heart. A large part of it had died three years ago to get lost in the limbo somewhere between never being able to fully forgiving Corbin and the ties that became severed with Patrick.

            He had always promised himself that no matter what, he and Patrick were always going to be there for each. But when he said things like that, he never imagined the love of his life would get pregnant with Patrick's baby and then commit suicide. He missed Corbin terribly. The last Fall Out Boy record was written in large part as an ode to her life and the life they shared.

            It not only hurt Patrick when he received Pete's lyrics for the final album, but shocked him equally. He wasn't even sure where Pete got the nerve to write such words. Patrick never felt forgiven by Pete, he never felt okay around him again. Corbin put such a wedge between the once best friends, that it forced their problems to the point beyond repair. Patrick had clung on to the memory of his daughter for over a year. Even though they never really met, he knew that she was aware of him. It took him forever to let someone redecorate the nursery he had made. He wanted to seal it off and never let it be disturbed again, but decided against it, thinking it might've been a little creepy.

            As he watched Pete let another love him, he felt cold and empty at the mere thought of falling in love again. It just didn’t seem right to him. Maybe someday, years down the road he would be able to get serious about another relationship, but even now, the wounds were hard to heal. His life was slowly disintegrating; he barely kept his head above water anymore. He was on two different anti-depressants, the slump he fell into after Corbin and his daughter's death was heavy, and he was still no where near letting the grief clear. Every year, on the anniversary of her passing, Patrick visited the small tombstones that sat side by side. He had paid for his daughter to be buried beside Corbin, whose plot was paid for by Pete. He always sat there for hours, just crying his eyes out, thinking about the way things should be at the exact moment. He brought his daughter a gift every year on the day of her due date and wondered every year where the gifts actually went.

He no longer wished for his life to carry on, it was all down hill at 26. He realized when he was 20 that life in a few years was going to be slow, but he didn’t realize that it would also send him to the edge, to a life that was going to be without forgiveness or finality.

            The day of Patrick's funeral was temperate and calm, as Pete mused, exactly like Patrick himself. As the bodies cleared from the casket, Pete, Joe and Andy stood and pondered over how a guy always so full of life just had no more of it to live.

            It's not that there is any closure to this story; it's a story that lives on in the heartache of its characters. The story lives on in the memory of what once was, or the fantasies of what should have been, what might have been. The only thing we know: it's better to burn out, then to fade away.

AN: How Patrick died is for you to imagine. I feel like it's really finally over, it was just missing something that has now found a place.

Why can't I be me?

I feel like I can't be who I am anymore

You won't accept me

My life, my love as changed

You love me unconditionally

But if I say I'm not who you thought I was

Would you still want me around?

Mother, mother

Are you listening?

I'm not sure I have what it takes anymore

I'm not sure I can be who you destined me to be

All I can do is promise that I will try

To live the life that makes me happy

All I can do is promise to be the best I can

I have to be happy

If that means your disappointment

Then it’s a burden I will have to carry.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

I'm dreading the morning

Cause you know I hate being alone.

And when my dream is over

It's when you disappear

how long must I wait?

the pain is too much

the weight is too heavy.

six months is too long

one ocean is too far.

tell me...

how long?