I miss you

Destiny paced around her bedroom as Patrick watched from his position on the edge of the bed. Destiny’s face was flushed and her fists were clenched tightly together.

“I…I don’t even know what the fuck to do with her! I never, ever would have imagined my own daughter would get involved in an affair like this! Joe’s fucking divorced with a son for Christ’s sake! Patrick, how did this happen?”

“How the hell am I supposed to know? You act like it was solely my job to make sure Morgan stayed innocent and out of trouble forever. Did it ever occur to you that this isn’t just my problem or Morgan’s? Where are you when I’m not around? Since the day she was born you never listened or paid attention to anything she needed!”

“Don’t drag my parenting into this. We are a team and this while fucked up situation is as much your problem as it is mine! Face it, we’ve fucked up! We can blame each other, Joe or Morgan, but when it comes down to it, we will be the ones people point fingers at, this will end up being our mistake,” she paused and took a deep breath, running her fingers through her hair, “how the fuck did this happen?!”

Patrick hopped up from his spot on the bed and stood in front of his wife, pulling her to him. Destiny rested her head on his shoulder, sighing deeply. Her mind instantly began reeling, as did Patrick’s. They summed it up perfectly in each of their minds: Karma was ugly when it came back around. Each instantly realized they were being punished for their personal infidelities, it didn’t matter the severity of either indiscretion, it was just the price they had to pay. Destiny felt her eyes water, and she tightened her grip on Patrick.

It occurred to her the first night she slept with Pete that something was going to come back around and make her play for her wrongs. Patrick felt as soon as he shunned common sense and gave into Katy’s advances that something else was going to force his family further apart emotionally. Patrick sighed and took a deep breath.

“I fooled around with Katy,” he blurted out, thinking bad news was like a band aid, its just easier to rip it off then peel it off slowly. Destiny choked on her breath, backing away. She stared at Patrick who removed his hat, tossing it onto the dresser. He was immediately letting himself be vulnerable, he never cheated, he had been completely faithful to her in the seventeen years they had been together, fifteen of which they were married, and he just felt terrible for what he did. Destiny felt her heart begin to race, she almost felt like she was left with no other option,

“I want a divorce,” she said quietly. Patrick felt the wind get knocked out of him, enough that he stumbled backward and stared at Destiny, utterly bewildered.

“Wha…Destiny, why? I’m sorry, I’ve never done anything like that before, don’t do this, I love you,” he would get on his knees if he had to, he wasn’t willing to let go of them.

“Patrick, it’s not just you…I’ve been doing something far worse than what you did. We just…aren’t right for each other anymore. You can have Morgan, she’d want to live with you anyway, I just want to see her whenever.” Patrick stubbornly shook his head.

“No, no, no. Don’t talk like that. I’m not agreeing to or signing anything. I don’t even know why you’re doing this! I’ve given you second chances, I think I deserve one too!” Patrick felt his pulse rise and Destiny saw his face flush with sudden frustration.

“I don’t deserve anymore chances, I’ve been unfaithful. Once a cheater, always a cheater I guess. I’m sorry, but I can’t pretend or lie to you anymore. You are and always have been too good for me.”

“Tell me, everything. If you want a divorce so bad I deserve to know the truth.” Destiny sighed and nodded, but how could she ever dignify looking Patrick in the eyes enough to tell him her bad news?

“I’m pregnant and it’s not yours, okay? I’ve been sleeping with Pete. I already have a lawyer, I’m ready to finish this. You don’t deserve someone like me, you deserve so much better,” she said, staring at the carpet not wanting to see the look in his eyes.

“Fuck you, Destiny. We’ve shared a life together for this long and had two beautiful children and this is how you repay me? By fucking someone who has already caused me more pain then I’ve ever wanted? No, I’m taking both of our children and everything I own, obviously including this house, your car, everything. I hope you’re happy with your new egotistical, self-loathing, user asshole boyfriend. You’re right, I AM too good for you. Don’t even bother with your lawyer, who I guess I’m already paying for, you’ve lost everything. Get out of my house. Pack your shit and fucking leave!” The look at Patrick’s face was damn near terrifying.

Destiny nodded solemnly. She had sealed her fate the first night she let Pete kiss her and make her feel good enough that she took all of her clothes off.

“I’ll…just send for my stuff,” she said, turning to leave.

“No, it’s all mine. Nothing in this house belongs to you. Leave the car, your credit cards, everything. You want a divorce, you’re getting what you deserve: nothing. Get out.”

“You can’t do that. This house is under both of our names. We never got a pre-nup so I’m likely to get half of everything, but if you want this to get ugly, Patrick, you know I’m one hell of a fighter,” she replied, taking a heaving breath. Patrick’s words were harsh and hurtful, so she fought back with her own the only way she knew how. She blinked back tears, suddenly realizing that she actually did have to give up her comfortable life for a baby she didn’t want and a man she didn’t love properly. She took a deep breath and opted for another route, one which was a little less defensive.

“I still love you, despite it all, all of my actions that obviously show differently. You’re the only man who’s ever really, truly loved me and I’ve never done anything but play with your loyalty. I’m sorry for everything, through out or whole life and if I could change it, I would, but I can’t. I’ll miss you and I’ll miss my babies, I can never express my sorrow to my family for what I’ve done,” and Destiny turned and left without another word. Patrick didn’t move from the spot in which he standing, watching her dark brown hair gleam and sway as she walked away. All he wanted was to hold her, he could never let go or get over her and he knew that. She crawled under his skin seventeen years ago and never left, she gave him two of the greatest gifts he had ever known, even as he gazed around, everything reminded him of her and he missed her already. He didn’t want her to leave, he didn’t want it to be like this, but she had hurt him too many times and this, with Pete, was inexcusable.

Finally finding motion, Patrick left his now solitary bedroom and turned to walk down the stairs. He got halfway down the steps when he looked up and saw Morgan standing in her bedroom doorway, hugging her stuffed dog to her chest, an old Clandestine hoodie handing from her body. Patrick just stared at her, the look in her eyes was half terrified, half relieved.

“Mom left for good? Finally?” Morgan said softly. She didn’t want to be mean, but her relationship with Destiny had never been great, but the look in her father’s eyes was twisting at her insides.

“Don’t say it like that. I know you don’t like her much, but…” Patrick didn’t really know how to finish his sentence. He felt silly blurting to his daughter that Destiny was his everything, that since she walked out that door thirty seconds ago he felt empty inside, he felt his better half melting away. He never wanted it to end like this. He wanted it to end in old age, dying in each other’s arms like in The Notebook, or something sickly romantic like that. Not with a divorce, not with equally divided assets and joint custody.

“Daddy, I love Mom. Yeah, she gets on my nerves constantly, but she’s my mother, I could never hate her and I defiantly don’t want her to leave,” Morgan said, feeling her throat get tight. It was so common now, all of her friends were children of divorcees, she always felt proud that her parents were still together, even through all of the problems they had once had. He hurt her to here Destiny couldn’t find the heart to stay faithful, she didn’t want another sibling either, especially from this Pete guy Patrick loathed so much.

Connor threw back the chair he was sitting on in the office and looked left as the door front door shut and then looked up to see his dad halfway down the steps, the look on his face could only be described as sullen. He walked forward to the bottom of the steps and peered up at Patrick, his face full of questions.

“Mom’s gone? Like, you guys are getting a divorce, gone?” Connor asked Patrick without any kind of reservation.

Patrick felt overwhelmed suddenly, looking at his stranger of a son, he didn’t know how to say it to his children, Morgan knew, but Connor would have never understood, and would have surely blamed Patrick for Destiny’s cheating.

“yeah, bud, I think we’ll all be better off,” he said, but he didn’t really believe it.

“Better off? Dad, I may have been four when you and Mom took that break a while ago, but I’m not stupid or numb. You can’t stand being away from Mom. The climate in this place changed, and it’s changing now, Mom only just walked out the door.”

“Daddy, get her back. You know none of us can get through this without her. I don’t want to be like all the other kids! Daddy, bring my home!”

“I CAN’T!” his outburst caught his kids off guard. He took a deep breath and looked at Morgan. “You heard everything?” She nodded. “Then you know I can’t just chase after her, Mo. She went to far.”

“Daddy, mom loves you, I know it! How does she even know that the baby isn’t yours? There are ways around this, and you know it.” Patrick was stunned to hear Morgan’s fierce opposition to this divorce. Connor thundered up the stairs past Patrick to Morgan’s door, looking completely flustered.

“Baby? Mom’s pregnant? Dad, that’s good news, right?” Patrick was getting frustrated now, the last thing he wanted was for his kids to know that Destiny had been sleeping around, mostly out of the fact that Patrick had refused sex with her for weeks now, mostly because he couldn’t get his mind off of Katy.

“yeah, bro, Mom’s pregnant, but it’s not mine,” he said, unable to look at him.

“Dad! You don’t know that!”

“Morgan, I do. Okay, Mom and I haven’t….in a while, okay? I know it isn’t mine.”

Silence fell upon the breaking family and instantly all understood. Now that he had said it out loud, Patrick reasoned that Destiny had a small right to seek sex somewhere else, he had been too worried about his feeling for Katy, that he had forgotten where all of his true feelings lay. Morgan understood why Destiny strayed for the same reason Patrick did, only for some reason she understood on a much larger scale. Connor didn’t understand much, except that he didn’t want to see his Dad looking so confused and forlorn, no matter how different they were…

Destiny sat at the edge of her driveway and waited, she called Joe before she left the house, letting him know that she wasn’t even thinking about what he did to her daughter, that there were bigger things on her mind right now. She didn’t want to lose her home, her children, her life or her husband. She loved Pete terribly, but it wasn’t the love she needed to be able to move on from Patrick. There was the slightest chance that maybe a DNA test would work out in her favor, but it seemed unlikely. She felt defiant suddenly, she had never given up this easily for anything, and when she was in danger of losing her family, she wasn’t going to let this be the first time.

She looked up as lights came down the street and the car stopped in front of her. She stood and sat in the passenger seat as the car moved again.

“Can we go to Pete’s?” She asked, looking at Joe.

“Aw, shit, Dest. I haven’t seen in him forever.”

“Well, now is the best time to let it all out if you need to Joe. Things need to be set right before I lose everything…”

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“Papercut” Part Ten: And the way your innocence tastes

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“MORGAN ELIZABETH STUMPH GET UP HERE RIGHT NOW!” Patrick wasn’t a yeller, so when he did yell, every knew they better move their ass. In Morgan’s case, her father never yelled at her, talked down to her or ever punished her, so when her full name came bellowing out of his mouth, it startled her right down to her bones.

Destiny stood up in her chair, her fork clattering to the plate, walking to the foot of the staircase. Connor sat his fork down solemly, sighing as once again, all eyes were on his sister. No one ever asked him if he had problems, if he needed to talk, everything was just about Morgan and her problems. Occasionally, he wished he was able to talk to his parents, most of the time he took joy in the fact that he could basically do anything he wanted, but sometimes he wanted to be able to confide in his parents…or at least have them consider giving him the time of day.

“Patrick, what is your problem?” Destiny asked as she approached the stairs.

“Where is she?”

“What’s the problem?”

“NO! WHERE IS SHE!?” Morgan appeared innocently around her mother’s back, looking up the stairs at her father’s beet red face. “Get up here, now!” Patrick said to her through clenched teeth. Destiny’s gaze turned from the look of rage in Patrick’s eyes, to her daughter’s guilty eyes sulking up the stairs, and she felt her heart begin to pound in her chest…had Patrick discovered the source of Morgan’s pain?

Morgan stood in front of her father, feeling incredibly awkward and uncomfortable under his gaze. He wasn’t speaking to her, but she knew what he was so mad about. Patrick had grabbed her arm and drug her into his bedroom, keeping his eyes on her, waiting for her to crack so he wouldn’t have to scream at her.

After about ten minutes of an awkward, tense silence, Patrick finally spoke up.

“I’m going to give you a chance to explain yourself before I absolutely lose it on you,” he said calmly, but to Morgan, he might as well have just screamed at her, his tone was frightening.

“Daddy, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she replied in her most innocent voice. She knew exactly what was happening, but she didn’t want to believe that Patrick had found out already, she barely got the time to be with Joe.

“Morgan, I swear to god, don’t play stupid with me right now,” he said to her. Morgan shrugged at sat down on her parent’s bed. She went to reach into her pocket to pull out her cell phone, to try and put up a guard, when she realized it wasn’t it her pocket.

“Looking for this?” Patrick asked holding out her phone. She reached forward and grabbed it from him, peering down at the open message. She couldn’t help as her face got red and mouth fell open. “You’re getting one more chance to tell me this isn’t what it looks like because if he laid even a finger on you, you are never going to be seeing him again because I’m going to fucking murder him!”

Morgan felt the strong urge to lie, anything to protect Joe and to keep them together, but nothing was coming to her, there was no lie to be said.

“I don’t think you realize what your mother is going to do when she hears about this. She’s worse than I am, Mo. You are so much fucking trouble you aren’t coming out of your room until you finish graduate school,” he added. Morgan didn’t know what to do, she had no words to make the situation better or turn around in her favor. There was no way she was going to sell out Joe and make him look like a villain because she was the one who provoked the situation to begin with.

“Daddy, I don’t care what mom does, says or thinks. Mom doesn’t care about me anyway, so go ahead and tell her, she’ll probably cheer.”

“Morgan, you are so blind. She loves you just like I do, when she read those papers she wanted to come and help you, but I knew you wouldn’t talk to her, so I came instead, now I sort of wish I didn’t. This is killing me right now! Joe is my friend not to mention what you‘re doing is incredibly illegal! What would possess you to even do this?!”

“I love him, Dad! I’m not sorry, so don’t even ask me to apologize about it!”

“Morgan, you don’t know what love is, and Joe is at blame for letting you believe whatever he says to you. Fuck, you think you know someone…” Patrick put his hand to his face and rubbed, he couldn’t believe that this was actually happening to his family right now.

While she had a moment, Morgan quickly sent Joe and S.O.S, warning him that the secret was out and they were both about to get in some serious trouble. She told him not to reply until later, she would get back to him when she knew more information.

“Why is there yelling happening right now?” Destiny’s voice came from around the corner and she walked into the bedroom. Morgan felt herself panic. She wasn’t afraid of Patrick, it was Destiny who scared her, because for some reason, where Patrick had trouble with the follow through on punishments, Destiny had no problem locking her up and throwing away the key.

“Are you going to tell her, or am I?” Patrick said, turning his attnetion to Morgan. She didn’t want to show weakness, she wanted her resolve to stay strong, so she shrugged, trying to indicate she didn’t care what he did. “Fine,” Patrick said, reaching forward and snatching the cell phone out of Morgan’s hand. Morgan could’ve kicked herself for not deleting the message when she had the chance, but ultimately she knew that would’ve landed her even more hot water.

Patrick handed the cell phone to Destiny, opening the offending message and watching as she tried to put the pieces together.

“What the hell is this, Morgan?” She asked, looking at her daughter like she was some sort of foreign stranger in her own bedroom.

“Morgan seems to think her and Joe are in love,” Patrick replied, pulling his hat down lower and crossing his arms. He was visually upset with the entire situation, it not only worried Destiny, but it made Morgan feel terrible about whatever she was doing to him. Joe was the only guy from Fall Out Boy he still had a decent relationship with, and now that was over, it was hard for him to realize that the last piece from when his life was so amazing and surreal was now going to end up just another piece of his past like everyone else.

“…did he touch you?” Destiny was getting straight to the point. She didn’t care if Joe was a long time friend and someone she truly loved and cared about, if his perverted hands got anywhere near her daughter she was going to send his ass to jail in a heartbeat.

Morgan felt he cheeks flush, Patrick knew Joe touched her, she left the papers and her panties out for him to figure it out so she wouldn’t have to say anything about it. Patrick reached into his back pocket and showed the panties to Destiny, who fell completely silent at the sight of them.

“He’s fucking dead!” Destiny yelled, turning on her heel and leaving the bedroom.

“Morgan, I wasn’t kidding. Get in your room and stay there until I ask you to come out. I need to figure out what to do with you,” Patrick said, pointing her out of the bedroom. Morgan gulped, tears threatening to fall out of her eyes. Destiny still had her cell phone, so there was no way she could warn Joe that her parents were ready to castrate him.

Destiny stormed down the stairs, and out the front door, ready to get in her car and serve Joe with some of her finest. Patrick chased after her, stopping her in the driveway.

“Destiny, stop and think. If you lash out on him now, you’ll also get in trouble and I don’t want you to overreact right now.”

“Overreact?! Patrick, someone we thought was out friend as violated out daughter! How can you possible be saying I’m overreacting right now?”

“Just stop, and get back in the house, we’ll figure something out…” Patrick said, as his voice trailed off. Lights just turned into his driveway, and as the car came closer, he could see it was Joe. Destiny pulled herself out of Patrick grip, jumping on Joe the minute he got out of his car.

She grabbed his shirt and slammed him back up against the side of his car, “You mother fucker! I can’t bleive you would do this to my daughter! I thought I fucking knew you! You’re just another perv who will take advantage of an innocent young girl, who just so happens to be your best friends daughter! I want to fucking rip your head off right now, Joe!” Patrick sighed and walked over to them, taking Destiny’s hands away from Joe’s shirt, backing her away from him. Joe kept his expression blank, he was refusing to feel remorse for what he did, because he still knew it was real, it still knew how Morgan made him feel. He straightened his shirt and stared at his friends, Destiny heaving in anger, while Patrick gave him a questioning look.

“Where is she?” Joe asked, looking for Morgan.

“Fuck you, you aren’t coming within 100 feet of my daughter ever again!” Destiny yelled at him.

“She’s upstairs, in her room,” Patrick replied. Destiny moved herself away from him, staring at Patrick in wonderment.

“You’re going to let him near her, after what he did? What’s wrong with you?”

Joe walked passed the couple arguing in the driveway and went towards the hosue.

“No! You’re not going in there!”

“Destiny! Let him go, let him talk her out of it,” Patrick said. He knew Joe better than this, he was sure of it, Joe wasn’t going to let this continue, he was smarter than that.

Destiny watched as she let this stranger into her home, his eyes were glazed over, like he’d been getting high all day, and he didn’t look like the carefree Joe she knew, he looked like a monster to her.

Joe’s heart was pounding in his chest, he was so furious with Morgan right now, she ruined everything. He should’ve known better than to think she was going to be able to handle the level of intimacy they reached. He walked to her bedroom and opened the door. She looked started to see him there, but ran to him, holding him tightly as he wrapped his arms around her.

“We can’t do this anymore, it has to end,” Joe said, running his fingers through her hair. Morgan shook her head, burying her face into his chest.

“I don’t want to end it, Joe I love you. I don’t care what my parents say! I’ll move in with you, I’ll get away.” Joe just shook his head, fifteen year old dreams were so nice to think about, nice to entertain, but when it came to reality, Joe knew that this was never going to work.

“Morgan, that’s never going to work, we are never going to happen anymore. We can’t.” Joe pushed her away from him and sat on her bed, pulling her down beside him. “You will never know how much you mean to me, everything you’ve done for me and how much I honestly love you, but this can’t happen. I’m sorry. If you still love me and haven’t moved on in three years, I’ll still be here for you, but I know you’ll find someone more suitable for you, you’re a beautiful, intelligent girl.” Joe leaned forward and placed his lips gently on hers, Morgan felt herself pout, she was trying hard to fight more tears from falling. She couldn’t believe Joe was just giving up.

“I wanted you to be my first, Joe. I was ready for you,” she replied.

“No, you weren’t. The way you reacted to what happened earlier today was proof that you aren’t ready, and I’m not going to be the one to make you feel regret later in your life. It’s over, I’m sorry,” Joe said, kissing her one more time before getting up and leaving the room. Morgan just stared in disbelief, she wasn’t ready to let go, she still needed Joe and she was determined to keep her in love with him, to keep her with him…

Joe left her bedroom and walked quietly down the stairs and left the house, feeling Destiny and Patrick watching him as he walked out into the driveway. Joe was hurting, he didn’t want to end things with Morgan, he still felt so strongly for her, but he knew better than to let it continue, he wasn’t suited for jail. He sort of hoped Morgan kept herself open for him until she was old enough, but something deep inside of him knew she going to move on, he was just going to end up a learning experience from her past…

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