I miss you

“Papercut” Part 12- Can we pick the pieces up?

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Destiny and Joe pulled up to Pete’s house and Joe felt his chest constricting. All of the images just flashed before him; Patrick and Pete screaming to each other at full volume in front of friends, crew and fans alike. He shook the sounds and images from his brain, it was time to live and let live, all of that happened ages ago, he was hoping things had changed.

Destiny looked back at Joe before jogging up the steps and ringing the doorbell. Joe hung back with his hands deep in his pockets, he hadn’t seen Pete in so long, he wasn’t even sure they would recognize each other.

“Hey babe,” Pete said as he opened the door, he was about to let her in when he saw a figure hanging around the bottom of his driveway, “Joe?” he looked to Destiny, “is that Joe?” She smiled softly and nodded, waving to Joe to come forward.

Looking at Pete in the dim light, Joe could tell life hadn’t been completely kind to him either, he looked worn down and old. He sighed to himself and put one foot in front of the other until he was standing beside Destiny. He felt his heart racing, he wasn’t sure why Pete still made him feel this way nearly eleven years after the band broke up, but he was surprised to find that he did.

“How’s it going, bro?” Joe said, nodding up at him. Pete stared dead pan at him, it was like looking at a total stranger.

“Life goes on,” Pete replied, suddenly feeling like letting him be this close was a bad idea, the look on Joe’s face was one of back handed loathing and Pete didn’t want it. It had been too long and he had let it go, even though nothing ever got solved with Patrick, his once best friend, it happened so long ago that he rarely ever thought about it, but seeing Joe here, now, was bringing all the memories back. “Look, Joe…,”

“Dude, I don’t want to be here anymore than you want me here: I’m just backing up Destiny with whatever problem she’s having right now. It’s what friends do, Pete. They have each other’s backs no matter what.” Pete felt his blood pressure rise, he wasn’t going to hear this. Destiny felt her whole body tense up, this is what she was dreading the whole ride over.

“Honestly, Joe, you don’t really know anything about what happened between Patrick and I, so don’t pretend that you do, or that you’re above that whole situation. Having each other’s backs? How about how you just walked away? I’d known you years before Patrick, but you just turned your back on me, sided with him because you thought he was right, and I was so wrong. I’ve made plenty of mistakes, you and I both know that, but I would never do to Patrick what he thought I did, I would’ve never done that to you, either. So don’t come to MY house and pull this shit with me, not when you have no fucking clue what you’re talking about!” Joe just stared blankly at him, figuring that this must be the logic that he had been following all these years to make himself feel better.

“Guys! Jesus christ! This isn’t about either of you right now, okay?! My marriage is falling apart and I’m this close to losing my children so can we please focus on me for a minute!” Destiny had enough, she didn’t want to hear about old scars and wounds right now, not when new ones needed immediate attention.

“You told him?” Pete’s brain didn’t have to capacity to be mad with Joe’s presence and Patrick’s knowledge of him still causing him pain at the same time.

“I had to, I couldn’t bare it. He told me he messed around with this girl he’s producing and I just asked for a divorce, for no other reason but us. But, I, may have embellished the story as well, a little.”

“How so?” Pete crossed his arms, angry now that Destiny couldn’t keep her mouth shut, all he needed was to give Patrick another reason to take his hate for him to his grave.

“I told him I was pregnant, and that it wasn’t his…” but before Destiny could finish,

“What?! Why the fuck…? Destiny, seriously, what the hell? …it’s not true, right?”

“No, of course not, I just knew he wouldn’t agree to the divorce unless it was that drastic, but now I regret saying it, I can’t live without him.”

“You never could, and the two of you are complete oil and water, but you guys keep pushing forward. I envy the love you and Patrick share, you’ve been foolish to come here again. I’ll always love you and you’ll always be my best friend, but we shouldn’t see each other for a while,” Pete nudged her out of the doorway and shut his front door, leaving Destiny staring at his front door, with Joe at her side.

“Nice…I guess some dogs never really do change their fucking spots, come on, Dest. I’ll help you fix this.”

“Joe, I don’t think Patrick will want to hear anything you have to say right now, whether it is about me or not. What you did with Morgan is pretty unforgivable. But, I’m willing to work it out, because I know you’re better than that.”

“Destiny, despite what you think, I never slept with Morgan. We fooled around a little and I feel completely terrible about it, but it happened and you know I’m so, so sorry. I just love her, you know? I can’t help it.”

“I can’t pretend to understand why you would love a fifteen year old girl, but Joe, I also know that love is tricky and you’re not supposed to be able to control it, so…” Joe shrugged and stepped to Destiny, wrapping his arms around her. Sighing deeply, she was in need of a strong hug, and returned it with equal pressure.

“What can I do? I can’t stand seeing you and Patrick like this, especially when the word divorce is being thrown around. Trust me, that’s the last thing you want. It’s practically impossible to recover from a divorce when children are involved…” Destiny nodded, thinking hard. What could he do to help her…

Morgan sat on the couch with her head on Patrick‘s shoulder and his arm wrapped around her, he was currently staring at the large plasma TV hanging in the living room, deep in thought of how he could ever get his head around forgiving Destiny enough to save his marriage. It was comforting to him that he was able to hold his little girl, who was so much like her mother.

“Mo, I’m at a loss, what can we do here? This seems so…hopeless.”

“Daddy, nothing is hopeless. No one is asking you to ever forget what Mom did to you, but everyone deserves forgiveness.”

“I’m tired of giving her chances, when she just keeps taking me for granted…shit, I’m sorry I’m putting all of this on you and Connor. I just don’t want to see you guys hurt either.”

“I’m fine. I’ve grown up on nothing but you guys fighting with each other, I’ve been waiting since I knew what divorce was for you guys to do it. We can handle it, Dad, you’re the one who can’t.” Patrick looked up at his son sitting on the stairs, his eyes wide. Hearing him say that was like a wake up call, was he really the only one who couldn’t deal without Destiny? Were his kids so used to all the fighting that this was just another day to them? But divorce was so final and frightening. He loved her, yes, but was she really worth all of this pain? There was too much time invested together for him to give up now, he was sure of it, he didn’t want to let go. Katy was a mistake, something he knew he could never do again, as he was sure Pete was for Destiny…but a baby that wasn’t his? He wasn’t sure that he would be able to love that child, knowing that he didn’t help create it. Morgan shifted by his side, and Patrick saw her asleep on his shoulder: this whole situation was tiring on everyone.

Carefully he stood up and laid Morgan down on the couch, throwing a blanket over her. He sighed as Connor turned and walked up the stairs away from him, his door slamming shut. Patrick trudged to the kitchen and stared out to the backyard, it was weird to think about how things come to full circle like this. Patrick never fully forgave Andy for what happened and he realized he never fully forgave Pete for that night, either. What Pete had said was unforgivable in his mind. The embarrassment…no one in their right mind would ever forgive someone for saying things like that, especially in front of a crowd of people, strangers included. He never wanted to see his band end like that…

Pete rolled his eyes as Patrick crossed in front of him, his sleeping daughter resting on his shoulder. Ever since Patrick became a father, Pete felt like he didn’t know him anymore. The man who once put his music before everything, including love, now had other priorities. Pete couldn’t pretend that part of this feeling was jealousy; he was thirty three years old, the happy ending he never really thought would come, was still as far away as ever.