I miss you

my half sister Carina found me on myspace today.

I also have a half brother named Brandon who has been found on myspace as well. my other half sister Cassandra...not found on myspace, hahaha.

how fucking weird is life?

I wasn't sure I had one of these in me, but I can't help but feel like I have no where else to go.

Do you ever feel like you ruin everything you touch, everything that means something to you, just by being you?

I do that. I do that all the time. As a matter of fact, I've been doing it every day. It's an awful feeling to know whats wrong with you, but to just feel enough uneccesary fear that you don't want to budge.

I need to leave, I know this. I need to move back in with my mom and remember who I am alone, cos somewhere I actually forgot. I really have...who am I again?

I can't leave- I fear an empty bed, I fear what he's doing when I'm not looking. I assume everyone is out to pull the wool over my eyes...how can I ever actually be in love? How can I ever actually feel apart of something that requires being more than just myself, if I can't even hold on to me?

I need help, and help lies in my own head- in my own heart.

But I fear being alone again.