I miss you

Through the fire and flames: A Brendon Urie one shot.

Brendon didn’t really care tonight…he just didn’t. MTV had screwed him over and this party was so out of control. He was at the point where he wanted to see if it was true: What happened in Vegas…

He had such a crush on her since the day he met her three years ago. She loathed him, and that was part of what had him so infatuated. Tonight was so out of hand, he decided to put caution to the wind and see what could happen. She was sitting at the bar, talking to Gabe, who kept sitting shots down in front of her.

“No, no way, come on man! I can’t do anymore!” she cried, laying her head down on the bar. Gabe smiled as he spotted Brendon headed their way.

“Ok, just one more, we’ll toast with Urie!” Gabe said, pulling Brendon in. She groaned loudly.

“Oh, god, I’d rather not.” Brendon shrugged as he grabbed her shot.

“Fuck you, then. To us, Gabe,” he said, tapping his shot glass against Gabe’s.

“To us, bro,” he said, before they both knocked it back. Patrick stumbled his way over a few seconds later, sitting down beside her, whispering something in her ear. As he got up to walk away, Gabe and Brendon both saw her face scrunch up, tears about to fall.

“Oh no, no! You guys aren’t doing this tonight. I’m fucking drunk and high and I don’t want you two bringing me down! I’m going to go talk to that sexy mother fucker,” Gabe said as he stood and walked after Patrick. Brendon sat down, looking at her intensely. She looked over at him and felt shocked, he looked really hot tonight. Her brain began working in fantasies, something Brendon never made her do.

“Can you go away?” she asked, worried of her state. He shook his head.

“Let’s go check out the Foo Fighters!”

“I don’t think walking is the best idea for me right now…”

“Walking is perfect, come on, please?” Brendon asked, pouting. She thought she was going to puke at how cute he looked just then so she shrugged and agreed to tag along. As she walked beside Brendon, she got the funny feeling that something was going to go terribly awry tonight. Patrick obviously wasn’t paying any attention to her tonight, and it was breaking her heart, but Brendon, whom she had never been nice to, was here, being the only person she could lean on. She didn’t know why, and at this point of her drunkenness, she really didn’t care.

“Why are you being so nice to me, Brendon?” she asked, suddenly, hearing the Foo Fighters just down the hall. The music was so loud, she wasn’t sure Brendon had even heard her ask.

“Because I’ve always had this thing for you…” he said, just barely loud enough for her to hear. She stopped walking. The Foo Fighters and her sobriety suddenly weren’t important. Had she always been this stupid? Even through her year of dating Patrick, always seeing Panic around here and there, she never once noticed anything special about Brendon, but here in the dim light of the Palm’s hallway, a loud mixture of Kanye and Radiohead mixing in her ears, she felt foolish for never noticing before. She had always been too busy pointing out every single one of Brendon’s flaws to see the look in his eyes. Jesus, those eyes.

You might blame it on the liquor or the music or the feeling in the pit of her stomach, but she lost any trace of common sense she would have had sober and backed Brendon up against the hallway wall, pressing her lips firmly to his.

Brendon was shocked, he couldn’t deny it, but his shock was quickly replaced with intense arousal. How many times he had envisioned this, fantasized about this. He used to watch her lay with Patrick, kiss him and feel undeniable envy. He was now thanking whatever brought them to this place. She tasted like pure vodka, but her hair smelled like cucumbers and he couldn’t believe this. He had a thought that maybe this was all the alcohol’s doing, that maybe this was under a false pretense, but this night in Las Vegas he didn’t care. He had loved her since the day he first laid eyes on her, he wanted to have her completely and wholly, never knowing if he would get another chance. He didn’t break their kiss, she was kissing him with a passion he had never known before. She couldn’t believe how soft his lips were, how gentle he could touch her, she barely felt his fingers grazing the skin on her back and she felt every feeling inside her rush straight down to her panties.

Brendon was so incredibly turned on he wasn’t even sure what to do next. His hard on was raging and it was beginning to hurt, even as she pressed up against it, pushing him deeper in the wall. The feelings running through his veins was a concoction of everything around him at that moment. The smells and tastes, the mixing of music and people partying all around him, the rush he was getting from the anticipation that someone they knew would see them here in the hallway, entangled in one of his deepest fantasies.

She couldn’t take it anymore, she could feel her panties soaked the whole way through and he body was beginning to shake. She hadn’t had any kind of sexual interaction since she broke up with Patrick nearly two months ago, and this was far beyond anything she had ever felt before. She wasn’t sure if it was because she felt a sort of vendetta against her ex, or if it was because she had always hated Brendon so passionately, that all of the rage and discourse was now flowing out of her in a heated moment, she couldn’t be sure. Feeling that now was right she broke away, forgetting all reservations and spoke as she never thought she could speak.

Leaning in close to his ear, he breath causing him to shudder she whispered, “Brendon, please take me somewhere a fuck me. I can’t take it anymore.” He felt like he was about to come in his jeans, right there in the hallway, every nerve ending in his body was on edge, the minute she touched him he knew he was going to explode. He never wanted her to fall for him like this, with so much happening and how confusing everything was, but he wasn’t going to say no. He grabbed her hand and practically ran back to the Crush management party. They pushed through the throngs of people inside in search of the nearest couch, or bed that wasn’t currently occupied. Brendon spotted a couch underneath a stairwell near the pool and pushed her down on it, looking quickly to see if anyone was watching them. Everyone else was either hooking up or getting fucked up, so he realized no one really cared.

She wasted no time at all, pulling his shirt off as he yanked her jeans and panties away, watching as she pulled her own shirt off. He leaned down and kissed every inch of her skin that he could, groaning as she pulled his belt off and began pulling his pants down. She reached in his boxer briefs and played with his hard on, tugging gently.

“Stop, tease!” he groaned into her ear. He was so close to coming he was worried he was going to ruin this whole moment but he held on, he wanted to be inside her, he wasn’t going to give this up. He pulled her bra off and played with her nipples between his teeth, causing her to gasp out in pleasure, moving her hands up to his face, pulling his lips to her own again. He kicked off his underwear, moving his fingers to slide around in her wetness. He shoved two fingers as she gasped and he groaned at the tightness.

“Brendon,” she gasped, “now, please! I fucking need you,” she growled. He didn’t think twice, didn’t bother to see who could watching now and shoved his length inside of her, nearly yelling out. She tossed her head back and grabbed his waist, thrusting up to meet him. Brendon couldn’t move, he was paralyzed in total pleasure.

“Fuck me, please,” she begged softly, bringing him back down to reality. He nodded, sweat forming on their skin as he began thrusting. He began slow, but felt all of his tension with her over the past two years build, before he was banging into her as hard as he could. He watched her face contort in pleasure as he continued, wishing she would look at him. He wanted to see her eyes as they orgasmed in unison, they were both on the edge.

“Look at me, please, look at me,” he groaned gently. She let her eyes open slightly and Brendon couldn’t hold it anymore. The pleasure and joy with the soft hint of guilt in her eyes pushed him over the edge.

“I’m coming!” she gasped out, pulling his down to her, burying her head in his shoulder. He nodded and felt his whole body shake as she convulsed around his cock, squeezing him making his orgasm harder and more intense. He collapsed on her, forgetting that their even was anything else around him, watching her as she closed her eyes and tried to catch her breath, and her common sense…

Four: I’ve fallen quite hard over you

Patrick sat and stared at the number in his phone for what felt like hours. He wasn’t sure what he wanted from this girl, if he wanted anything at all. It occurred to him that he never asked her name, he had to search through his phone book until he found something he didn’t recognize: Callan from AK. She even made it easy. She seemed nice enough, but he guessed she was right and last night wasn’t the best night to meet. He was only in New York for two more days, he had to act now if he was to see any outcome of this event.

Feeling thoroughly unconfident, he took the lame root and sent her a text: ‘It’s Patrick, want to talk?’ He sighed. This girl had him thoroughly off his game…not that he had any game to begin with really. He sat his phone down and pretended to ignore it, occupying himself with Garageband before his phone beeped in alert.

‘Sure…what did you want to talk about?’ He sighed. That was a dumb thing to ask, it was too open ended.

‘Um…I guess I meant to ask, do you like coffee and are you free right now?’ Callan smiled down at her phone, last night was such a waste of time in her eyes, but then Patrick actually reached out to her and suddenly she felt like last night was amazing.

‘I am a big fan of mocha lattes.’

‘Meet you at Starbucks in an hour?’

‘See you then…’ Callan bolted up from the couch she was sitting on, suddenly letting her weak side take over. Was she really about to have a date with Patrick Stump? But…what would she wear? Hair, makeup, perfume? There were so many things to consider. Then, she sat back down slowly. It was okay…Patrick…was just a guy. A normal everyday guy who was the lead singer of her favorite band and one of the most popular bands in the country. That’s all…

Patrick sat at a table inside the small corner Starbucks, wondering if Callan was going to show. He glanced at his cell phone again, she was already fifteen minutes late. Callan had literally changed her outfit ten times before shrugging, thinking that was the best she going to do before running out of the house. One thing about her is that she is always late. It doesn’t matter what its for, she’s always late, meeting Patrick was obviously no exception. She high tailed it to the Starbucks a few blocks away, thinking what excuses she would tell Patrick for he lateness. She stopped short as she approached the window, looking inside seeing Patrick staring at the table, looking like he was 1000 miles away. She suddenly imagined what must be going through his mind right now. He was having coffee with a girl he knew nothing about, apart from the fact that he met her at a meet and greet. She could be the scariest, craziest girl on the planet and here he was taking a gamble, trying to fight for a little time in someone’s arms when time was the last thing he had. Callan sighed, and checked her reflection quickly, fussing up her hair a little more, before opening the door.

The door jingled and Patrick looked up, happy to see Callan had finally arrived. He stood quickly and walked up to her, noting calm in her eyes and it immediately set him into a different mind frame. There was nothing rushed or panicked about her, just something serene. He smiled at her as she turned her head to smile back. Patrick was nearly awed at how a silence could be so comfortable, he felt like he didn’t need to say a word for her to understand what he was going through. The pair ordered their drinks, Patrick’s treat, and sat down at corner table.

Something about Patrick up close made Callan want to just reach out and hug him. He looked so tired yet exuberant about his day. She wished she could feel so utterly fulfilled in her life. Patrick just sat in the silence and watched Callan play with the lid on her cup, wondering what she was thinking.

“I’m really sorry about last night,” she said. The break in the silence startled him, he was content just sitting there.

“Don’t worry about it. The whole thing was generally awkward. I’m the one who should be sorry, really.”

“Guys are guys, famous or not. I get it.” Patrick smiled “…you’re allowed to be human.” Patrick smiled, he was glad she immediately went for the ‘normal’ guy route, it humbled him in the best way possible. The comfortable silence fell between them again and both just observed each other. Callan loved the way he took sips of his coffee, like he wasn’t sure if it would burn his mouth or not or whether or not someone was about to judge his method of drinking, almost as if he was double guessing his moves.

“How long are you here for?” Callan asked.

“Just one more day then I’m heading back to L.A., then more touring.”

“Oh,” Callan replied. She had momentarily forgotten that he led such a hectic life, his path and destination changing everyday. “Don’t you ever get tired of it? That whole ‘been gone more days this year than I have been home’ lifestyle?”

“it’s nice to have a break from the road sometimes, but it’s what I love to do. I get restless. I’m never really not working, I always have a project, but, yeah…”

“I kind of envy it,” Callan added. Patrick looked up at her in question, “you always have something to do, you always have your friends around, you get to do what you love every day for instant gratification instead of working somewhere lame that you hate, just to barely get by…”

“Well, my life isn’t without drama. I’m constantly being looked at and judged, constantly need to worry about how and what I say effects people around me. The guys and I fight at least once a week. It’s not like my life is godly, it’s better than average yeah, but it’s far from perfect.” Callan sat back and looked at him, realizing she had hit a nerve.

“I wasn’t trying to say your life was perfect, I realize it’s not. Just as a fan, an outsider, aspects of your life look amazing compared to mine.” Patrick nodded, finishing his coffee.

“do you want to go for a walk?” he asked, playing with his empty cup. Callan smiled and nodded, wrapping her scarf around her neck and pulling on her gloves. Patrick smiled at her bundling up, to him it wasn’t that cold out. She looked up and rolled her eyes at his goofy grin.

“Sorry, I’m cold weather intolerant.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Patrick said laughing, holding his arm out indicting she should go first.

The pain walked in their silence down a busy Manhattan street, destination no where. Patrick felt so oddly at ease at the moment that, as it was with even asking her out for coffee, he threw reservations out and just bit the bullet. He knew he felt something in his heart that hadn’t been there a few hours ago. He stopped walking and grabbed Callan’s hand, forcing her to stop walking as well.

“You can stop me if this is too much for today but, I’m being urged to try…” Callan felt her heart begin to race in her chest, she wasn’t going to fight it, but she couldn’t believe that this was about to happen to her. Patrick leaned in, lifting his hat up slightly so he didn’t hit her in the forehead with the bill and gently placed his lips on hers. The pair stood in the middle of the busy Manhattan sidewalk with their lips pressed together gently, pecking every now and then. Callan reached her hand up and pulled him closer, placing it on the back of his head, Patrick was able to wrap his arm around her back…

************

“Papercut” Part 15: No Reality

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Morgan and Connor sat at the kitchen table waiting for their parents to join them. Morgan didn’t know what was coming, but the whole situation was making her nervous. She had prepared a pile of questions from her weeks of family research. She refused to move on until she knew where it all began. Connor was feeling indifferent since Morgan told him their Mom hadn’t gone away, he loved her and didn’t want to see his parents split, but this felt too fast, too soon. He thought time apart would be good for them, this seemed all too typical when he wanted change.

Destiny and Patrick came in a minute later, noting the harsh looks on their children’s faces. Neither of them looked especially happy at the sudden turn of events, from almost watching their lives implode to everything being okay again. Morgan stared at Destiny through half-lidded eyes, though usually soft green looked rough around the edges. Destiny couldn’t take it, if there was ever a time to air anything out, she should do it now.

“What, Morgan? Say it now or forever hold it in,” Destiny said suddenly. Morgan’s eyes widened and she glanced quickly at Connor, then to Patrick.

“What?”

“You want to say something, go a head, I can see it in your face. I want to know whatever is on your mind,” she replied, sitting down at the other end of the table. Destiny knew a thing or two about reconstruction. She knew it took time and holding nothing secret. It was a way of wiping a clean slate. Patrick sat down beside Destiny and nodded encouragingly at Morgan. She shrugged.

“Mom, it’s great at all that you and Dad can forgive so quickly, but I personally think it’s fucking shitty.” Patrick and Destiny both started at her in disbelief. She’d obviously been spending more time with Joe than they thought.

“Morgan, don’t swear…its…unnerving,” Patrick replied. Destiny sighed and shook her head.

“What’s so shitty about it, Mo?” Morgan stood up and looked at both of her parents dead on. She felt passionate about few things in life, but her family was one of them.

“It means nothing has changed! Nothing at all! Dad, how many times are you going to let Mom walk all over you? How many times are you going to forgive her for doing something unforgivable?! As much as I don’t want to see out family split, maybe it’s just time to cut our losses!” Morgan couldn’t sit, she was too riled up now. Destiny felt her heart sink. Her own daughter doubted her loyalty not only to Patrick but to her own family. Destiny went to open her mouth, retaliate with Morgan not knowing shit about what she was talking about, but Patrick cut in.

“Where is all of this coming from?” he asked, glancing at a stack of paper sitting on an empty chair. Morgan sighed before grabbing a stapled packet of papers and sitting them down in front of Destiny. Destiny was slightly impressed by Morgan’s note taking, important details were highlighted and notes were in the side. Then Destiny concentrated on what was being interpreted by her daughter…the entries were dating January 2007 and had come from Pete’s personal blog spot, which hadn’t been updated in fifteen years. This particular entry on top was Pete’s cryptic telling of Destiny fighting over Patrick, even after she cheated on him and they were technically broken up.

“How…how did you find this?” Destiny wondered.

“You’d be amazed at what you can find if you look hard enough,” Morgan replied, sitting finally, crossing her arms and smiling triumphantly. Destiny sighed.

“Morgan, what happened between your Dad and I before you were born really doesn’t concern you. It has zero effect on what’s going on now.” Patrick couldn’t take this, Morgan shouldn’t have ever known about this stuff between him and Destiny when they were so young, he never wanted to give his kids an excuse to doubt their mother. He knew he had no reason to, but he always trusted her, always knew she’d come back and he had come to rely on Destiny’s shoulders. Maybe it wasn’t right, maybe it wasn’t normal, but this was all that he knew, he never cared what anyone else thought of his marriage.

“Mom, it concerns me because you haven’t changed. Neither has Dad. This is whole thing has happened before and it’s happening again. Don’t you guys see it? It’s not fair to Connor and I if neither of you know how to fix what’s been broken since before we were even a thought. We don’t want to see our family split apart but we don’t want to have to go through this ever again. Twice while we’ve been alive and once before I was born is too much,” she felt her eyes well with tears. It felt so good to finally say it, but it hurt so much at the same time. Destiny couldn’t even look up, she didn’t want to meet anyone’s eyes because Morgan was right.

“That’s…sort of why we asked you guys to sit here with us. Your mom and I recognize we have some issues that need to be resolved but we’ve put so much of our lives into this that we’re willing to do what it takes to make it last. Family counseling is a must and will come first. It kills me to know that I can’t talk to you, Connor. You’re my son and it’s not fair to either of us and I know it kills mom that she can’t talk to you, Mo. We need to all be able to forgive and talk before we can start to heal.” Destiny’s head shot up immediately. She thought she was hear to talk about renewing their vows and include their kids in the process, not about seeking professional help. She glared, her already deep brown eyes going darker.

Connor looked up in a sort of amazement at hearing his Dad say he actually cared that they had nothing in common except DNA. Connor was eleven, the last thing he wanted to do was admit that he actually wanted to like Patrick, but he did. He wanted to be able to talk to him, he wanted Patrick to know him to know that he had picked up a guitar at his friends house and fallen in love with the instrument. He wanted his father to know that he actually had a lot in common with him, he wanted his Dad to be his hero, he just didn’t actually want to admit it.

“I think counseling sounds great,” he piped up, looking at his parents. Destiny turned from Patrick to Connor, not sure what exactly was going on right now.

“You do?” she questioned.

“Yeah, I think Dad’s right. None of us no how to talk to each other unless we’re yelling. Maybe it’s time we asked someone else’s opinion.” Destiny suddenly felt like Patrick didn’t know her at all. All her life she had always done thing her own way, what felt was best for her and those she cared about, without seeking assistance, but following her own mind…maybe it was time to let go. Maybe now was the time to….grow up. At 34, maybe the time was perfect…

The nuclear family sat in awkward silence in the waiting room of their new sounding board. No one knew what to expect right now. Morgan wanted to point fingers and Connor wanted to cry. Patrick just wanted to be told what to say, sometimes he felt so out of control over his words that he ended up saying things he didn’t mean. Destiny was worried about being attacked, she felt like Patrick and he children would just point at her and say ‘she’s the reason we’re all so fucked up.’

The door opened and counselor asked them in. The family took seats, Patrick and Connor on one couch, Destiny and Morgan on another.

“Hello, I’m Dr. McCoy. I want to start right now by asking each of you why you’re here. Let’s start with you, Connor, then Morgan and then your parents.” Connor kicked at the couch beneath him, uncomfortable with all of the eyes on him.

“Um…I guess we’re here because we need someone to look at our problems from a different view.” Dr. McCoy nodded and his response, then looked to Morgan.

“We’re here because my parents have never fixed any problem they’ve had and I’m tired of being in the middle of it,” she said, confidently looking at her father. Destiny let out a heavy sigh. Leave it to Morgan to act so ridiculous.

“Destiny,” Dr. McCoy began, pulling her attention off of Morgan, “why are you here?”

“I’m here because I feel like my family only knows what they want to know about me, they don’t realize how hard I’ve tried to change. I’m also here because I want my daughter to stop hating me.” Morgan whipped her head around and stared at Destiny. She rolled her eyes and realized this was going to be a lot of work.

“Okay…and Patrick? Why are you here.”

“I want a better relationship with my wife and my kids. That’s all.” Dr. McCoy nodded at his response as well, before letting a thoughtful silence fall over the session.

“Morgan,” she turned her head at the sound of her name, “when you have a problem at school or with friends, who is the first person you lean on?”

“Daddy, Connor, or my Uncle Joe,” she replied. Destiny cringed at the name, she had forgotten about the whole Joe debacle, but he was there for her when she needed it, she couldn’t hold him entirely in contempt.

“Why haven’t you turned to Destiny?”

“I’ve never talked to Mom. We’ve just never had anything to say. She doesn’t give a shit anyway.”

“Morgan, stop!” Patrick yelled. Her head shot up at the sound of his voice. “Stop talking like that,” he added, his voice softer. Dr. McCoy held up his hand, telling Patrick to hold his tongue. Destiny stared in Morgan’s eyes as she stared right back. Both of them were experiencing this war for the first time without the ability to run from it. They were facing it head on whether they wanted to or not.

“Destiny, how does that make you feel?”

“I’ll admit that I’ve never been the most nurturing person when it came to you, Mo. When you were a baby you cried all the time and I never knew how to deal with it, I always asked Dad for help. Then you went to middle school and you didn’t need me anymore, you didn’t need us. You got so close with Joe, no one thought anything of it. I was thankful you were able to have another adult influence in your life and I was thankful you had your Dad and Connor to talk to, but now I feel like I’ve missed so much. I hate hearing you say that you think I don’t care, because I do. You’re my baby, of course I care. Why do you think I got so upset when I heard about you and Joe? I didn’t want you to make a mistake, I didn’t want you to have to regret anything like I do.” Then she stopped, she had officially said too much. Patrick lifted his head and stared at her. She hadn’t mentioned the abortion is fifteen years.

“Babe, don’t do this now,” he said. Destiny nodded, staring at her feet. She felt Connor and Morgan looking at her in question, but now wasn’t the right time.

“Connor,” Dr. McCoy said, shifting the focus, “can you tell me what a typical day is like for you?”

“Mom usually wakes me up, I go to school, I come home I do want homework I need to and then I usually play video games or talk to my friends. Sometimes I stay over on the weekends. That’s about it.”

“What do you do as a family?”

“Well, when Dad isn’t working late we usually eat dinner together.”

“Patrick, do you ever feel like your work situation impedes on your family life?” Patrick felt himself laugh.

“That’s all it’s ever done. I’m lucky I found the time to even have a family.”

“What do you usually do all day, Destiny?”

“I work freelance, so I write all day and I take care of the house.”

“If you’re home all day and your children are home all afternoon, don’t ever spend time with them?”

“I’ve let them be independent. I felt all my life I was too smothered by my parents, that’s why I rebelled so much. I don’t want them to feel like they need to lash out.”

“With that in mind, tell me the situation with Joe?”

***************************************

I need to find
The part of me
Inside of me
I left behind

Haha! The loved and feared cliffhanger. stay tuned!

ps- read and constructively review and comment. Or, just tell me you love me ;)

Three: Please don’t mind what I’m trying to say

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Waiting for two rock stars who have all the time in the world was a really boring event, no one had asked her to move yet, not even for a DJ or for Pete and Patrick, which led Callan to assume they weren’t ever coming. She glanced at her phone and saw it was 12:30 am, and people were still waiting around. Then she had a thought that maybe Jenna was actually crazy and didn’t know that they were coming at all and just assumed. Just as she stood to tell Jenna she was ready to go, they weren’t coming, a wave of silence and whispers washed over the kids in the stuffy room. Callan turned around to face the entrance seeing a cluster of about eight people shove their way in the tiny entry hall.

“Told you!” Jenna said, sitting on the nearest couch, shoving people over to give herself room. Callan rolled her eyes at Jenna, displacing herself from her and the group of now quietly squealing girls to the other side of the bar. She wasn’t sure if Patrick or Pete would recognize her from the meet and greet, but she didn’t want to chance it at all.

She didn’t know how long she had been sitting alone in this cramped area, but she had almost had enough. It was time to go, or do something, besides stare at rock stars. As Callan got up the nerve to move, her heart began racing in her chest, she was either going to look like an idiot for what she was about to do, or get kicked out. Either one didn’t much matter to her, she didn’t really give a shit what anyone in this room thought about her. As if fate tossed her an intervention, Pete began walking across the room the bar and Callan immediately jumped on the opportunity to talk to him.

“Hi,” she said, sliding beside him like they were old friends. Pete looked startled, his eyes red and bloodshot. He looked at Callan intensely for a few minutes, before his eyes widened and he grinned evilly.

“Hey…we found you.” Callan raised her eyebrow at his comment.

“Didn’t know you were even looking for me, but I guess that’s not really the point. The point is…you really embarrassed me today.” Pete laughed.

“Why? Patrick is the one who is embarrassed,” Pete replied laughing, “You should come have a drink…” he said, before grabbing his liquor and walking away. Callan felt uninterested in the whole thing, still longing for sleep, but she was here, why not see what comes out of it? She sighed, before shaking her hair back and walking over to where Pete, Ashlee, Patrick and some people she recognized but didn’t know by name where clustered together on the small couch.

Patrick watched her walk over, feeling his face redden, Pete was being eight different varieties of asshole today and he wanted to punch him as hard as he possibly could, but noting the current clientele in the bar, he fought the urge. Callan stood awkwardly at the bottom of the platform, waiting for sometime to invite her up, mainly Pete because he invited her over. Patrick noticed Pete ignoring her and assumed this was his forceful way of make them break the ice. Patrick sighed, readjusting his hat before he looked over at her.

“Hey, you can come sit up here,” Patrick said, scooting down as much as he could so she could slide in. Callan nodded softly and climbed up, sitting down beside him avoiding his gaze. Patrick couldn’t help it, her eyes were so intense, they were drawing him in more than he could’ve imagined. He remembered them being powerful earlier, but he couldn’t remember the sparkle in them, or the serious tone to them. He imagined what they must look like when she was blissful or content. He’d probably want to kill himself if he saw. He snapped out of it and handed Callan a tumbler. “We have plenty of liquor…” he said, absolutely speechless. He felt like an idiot, he was 23 and his best friend was still trying to set him up with random girls. Callan shrugged as Pete grinned at her, then to Patrick and poured her some vodka and cranberry juice. Callan grimaced at the amount of liquor in her glass but took a bitter sip, sighing.

Jenna stared in total shock as Callan plopped down next to Patrick and began drinking on Pete. She thought they were friends, and if she would’ve been in Callan’s spot, she would’ve invited her along, she was pissed as all hell that Callan was ignoring her, but Callan felt smug at her currently position when it came to Jenna’s feelings. Jenna was fair weather as far as Callan was concerned, she only called on Callan when no one else would tag along, when she felt all out of options.

As the early morning progressed, Callan and Patrick had barely said a word to each other and Patrick was feeling discouraged. He didn’t know where to find any common ground with her, she had been talking to a pretty drunk Ashlee all night, but she had barely touched the drink Pete made her. Pete leaded over suddenly and whispered in Patrick’s ear, “Dude, talk to her.”

“I tried, but I can’t hold a conversation, we have nothing to talk about.” Pete looked at him in disbelief.

“Dude, ask where she’s from, what other music she likes, the last movie she saw…anything! Come on man, you’re better at this then you’re puppy love bogged brain remembers.” Patrick sighed and nodded, seeing an opening as Ashlee stumbled her way to the bathroom. He cleared his throat, readjusting his hat again (nervous habit).

“Um…are you having a good time?” Patrick felt himself gag, he didn’t know what was wrong with him. It was quite obvious to him that she wasn’t really having the best time.

“Ashlee’s really nice, I’m surprised by that…” Callan said, smiling at him. Patrick felt relieved at her trying to make a joke, it meant she wasn’t completely miserable.

“Yeah, a lot of people say that.”

“People just want her to be a bitch because they want to be where she is, I guess. They want an excuse to actually hate her, but they can’t.”

“You get that a lot with girls we date. People want them to be awful so they can give reasons to be nasty to them, but I like to think we don’t date awful girls, for the most part. Joe’s girlfriend is awesome.” Callan nodded, Patrick was really bad at this, which surprised her, the topic of Joe’s girlfriend lead to a dead end. Racking her brain for something to talk about, she was interrupted by her phone vibrating. It was a text from Jenna ‘wow, ur a really nice friend.’ Callan looked up from her phone to where Jenna was standing in the middle of the bar. She wasn’t sure how she should be feeling about Jenna’s comment. She felt a little hurt, but mostly she really didn’t give a shit. Patrick watched her read the text, unable to see what it said, but saw her eyebrows furrow in thought.

“You okay?” he asked, out of genuine concern. He wanted her to go home tonight remembering what a good time she had, not being miserable. She shrugged, putting her phone away.

“This girl I came with is being bitter about where I am right now saying ‘wow, you’re a really nice friend’. But, fuck her…sorry. She’s got me angry.” Patrick shrugged.

“She can come sit up here if she wants, we don’t care.”

“Trust me, you don’t want her up here. She’s…crazy.”

“Oh,” Patrick said, getting the hint.

“I’ve got to be honest with you, I’m really tired and grumpy. I didn’t want to come here, but I was drug along. I’m usually a lot nicer.” Patrick laughed and leaned closer to her.

“It’s okay, I think your cool,” as soon as the word came out of his mouth, Patrick sighed. He sounded so lame.

“Thanks, that means a lot to me today.” Then suddenly the real issue sprang to her mind, “was Pete serious at the meet and greet? That really…I don’t know how to describe it, but I felt something uncomfortable.” Patrick sighed, he didn’t want to tell her the truth, it sounded so pathetic and desperate.

“No, he was just kidding. He’s a huge douche bag,” Patrick was content with that answer and Callan just nodded. Patrick was the easiest person to read ever, she had just found out, he couldn’t lie to save his life.

“Maybe if we get to know each other better, you’ll stop lying to me…” she said, leaning back on the couch. Patrick took that as an invitation and handed her his cell phone. She smiled put her number in, before getting up to walk away. Patrick was about to say something to her when she grabbed her coat and walked out the door.

“Wow, what did you do, dude?” Pete asked as she left. Patrick shrugged.

“I got her phone number…”

AN: Unfortunately, I’m still working out this story in my head, so I have no idea where this is going! Hahaha, thanks for joining the adventure currently in progress…(PS- make with the constructive criticism and thoughtful reviews. What does “it was good, I loved it” mean, anyway?)

Two: I don’t want you to want me

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He had long ago promised himself he would never date a fan, but it recently occurred to him how often he met any other kind of girl…rarely ever. So he finally let himself open his eyes to something he had been so guarded against for so long. Dating random girls he met never proved to be worth while, but he was nervous of taking a fan seriously, he just didn’t trust them. Fans could be so fair weather, so come and go. What would happen one day when he wasn’t Patrick Stump the lead singer of Fall Out Boy anymore and he was just…some guy. Would someone who jumped on the bandwagon when it was the cool thing to do still think he was everything later in life? He was so nervous to test such a theory, but he was feeling pretty out of options.

“The last place you’d ever want to look to date a fan is meet and greet. You know 98% of them are crazy OCK. Then you have that .5% that are normal OCK, then you have that 1.5% that are drifters,” Pete said, sitting cross legged on the couch in the bus he shared with Joe, “if you think dating a fan is a good idea at all, I mean.” Patrick sighed, annoyed.

“I’ve actually, literally been all over the world and I think the world has run dry. Why not a meet and greet? I can see how she looks and whether or not she can handle talking to me like a normal person. That’s half the battle.”

“Right, but then there is the rest of it where you have to learn through an almost painful process of trail and error. Testing her with real and fake stories…dude, it’s not worth it. Find some good porn.” Patrick was about to scream. Pete was being of zero support right now. It was so easy for him to say ‘give up‘, because he had actually managed to find a girl who was as stuck in the middle of a crazy fishbowl life as he was. For Patrick, it just couldn’t come easy. Things had been so hectic lately, he was glad to say he had barely given it a thought. The album was so close to done and he was working on so many other projects, but on the rare night he couldn’t get his brain to turn off, he would sit up and think about all the things he wanted that he couldn’t get right now. His best friend from Chicago had called two weeks ago to let him know his fiancé was pregnant, and they were postponing their wedding until after the baby. He had felt his heart sink and a pang of envy. His friends couldn’t understand it, no one really could…

Callan glanced at the clock as she laced up her boots. Wow, late again, so shocking. She knew Jenna would kill her, but ‘better late than never’ was Callan’s motto. An unspoken one, albeit. She waved timidly as she ran to Jenna’s car.

“I’m going to kill you if I have to wait in the back of that meet and greet line,” Jenna said.

“Chill, it’s not like they’re going to be like ‘ok we’re bored, screw you dudes, we’re out!’” Jenna slapped Callan on the arm. The rest of the ride to the venue was less than exciting, but once they got there, crazy Jenna took over and made Callan want to sink into the pavement. She wasn’t really into this OCK lifestyle. Don’t get her wrong, she loved herself some Fall Out Boy, but some of these girls were too over the top and it was a little more than embarrassing to be associated with them.

Jenna had lots of friends from the message boards, and usually was able to find other people to talk to, while Callan willingly stayed an outsider. After waiting what seemed like an entire day, it was finally time to meet the guys and she would never say it out loud, but she was very nervous. As far as she was concerned, Fall Out Boy were her main go to guys when she was feeling low and lonely. There were some many things she could say, but she knew this was definitely not the right time or place, if there ever was such a thing.

She began with Joe, who was pleasant enough, having a mini talk with her about her choice of autographed merchandise before moving on to the mute Andy, then to Patrick…

It was just another day and Patrick found himself having an out of body experience. The record had just came out and his head was filled with random snippets of reviews he’d read and parts of the record he wished he could redo. It suddenly occurred to him that people were still coming through the line and it was time to snap out of it. He looked up and smiled the best he could at the girl before signing and passing, before he snapped his head up again. Her eyes were absolutely stunning and his mind was suddenly screaming, ‘say something, asshole!’

“Hey, thanks for coming,” he rolled his eyes at himself, the old fall back line.

“Yeah, I’m glad I could make it,” the girl said, smiling broadly. ‘Shit,’ Patrick thought as she walked passed him onto Pete. He rarely wished he had more time in these grips, but this was one of the few where he did. Patrick had yet to let go of the CD booklet she was getting signed, forcing Pete to yank it out from under his fingertips.

“Uh…earth to Patrick?” Pete said, a smile on his face that was telling Patrick ‘ha ha, I know what’s going on in your head.’ Patrick half glared at him before turning his attention to the next fan.

Pete assumed by now that everyone should know better than to underestimate his next move, Patrick should’ve at least, among all people in the world, so as easy as saying goodbye could have been Pete blurted “I think Patrick wants to tap it.” Patrick stopped mid signature, before turning as red as his shirt, looking at Pete. Callan wasn’t sure if she was allowed to laugh, be flattered or appalled. ”What?” Pete replied to Patrick’s death stare, ‘You should know better, dude.”

Callan looked from Pete to Patrick as she felt a hand grip her upper arm, pulling her away from the table.

“Thanks for coming!” Pete said as he waved. Callan couldn’t find words, not sure if she just imagined this scene or if it really happened, trying hard for one last glimpse at Patrick’s lobster red face…

“You are probably one of the single biggest assholes on the planet right now!” Patrick said to Pete as the band made their way out of the meet and greet area.

“You’ve known him this long and you’re just figuring this out?” Joe said, half amused.

“No, I’ve definitely known for a long time, but today its just extra apparent!”

“Well, someone had to say something to the girl, you were beginning to drool when she walked away…” Andy piped up. Patrick felt himself turn red again. All of these guys were assholes…

Callan stood for the rest of the wait before the concert in daze. She didn’t bother mentioning the event to Jenna, she wasn’t even convinced that it happened yet. As the opening bands got done and it was about time for Fall Out Boy to come onstage, there was a huge surge of people pressing forward, Callan was now slammed up against the guard rail, suddenly feeling like she just wanted to go home. She was embarrassed by the meet and greet situation, because she knew it had happened. Was Pete just being an asshole to her or did the comment have some basis? She wished there was a way of finding out for her own mind, she knew this would be all she would think about for the next few hours, now unable to concentrate on enjoying the concert fully. The guys walked out and Patrick’s eyes scanned the guardrail before they landed on Callan. He turned a slight shade of pink before beginning the open bars of “I’m like a Lawyer”, trying his best not to think about how much of a fucking asshole Pete was today…

The concert ended and Callan felt twitchy. She wanted out, she never thought in her life that she’d feel incredibly uncomfortable at a Fall Out Boy show, but she did and she was dying to high tail it home.

“Cal! Pete and Patrick are definitely going to AK, so…we are too,” Jenna said to her, pulling her in the other direction.

“No! Seriously, I’m not feeling well, let’s just go back home. I’m not in a partying mood.”

“What? We get a chance to be on a personal level with them and you want to bail? No way, girl, not happening.” Callan sighed, she knew it was pointless to argue with an Overcast Kid on a mission to drink with her idols.

“Ok, but if I get really shit faced, I’m not going to be held responsible for what may come out of my mouth…”

********************************

“You’re pregnant?” Callan looked down at her feet before taking the gift from Pete. She folded the Clandestine onesie and held it in her hand gently.

“Thank you, Pete,” she said, her tone soft. He nodded in reply. Patrick shuffled up to them, looking down on her.

“Cal, can I talk to you?” She nodded softly, giving Pete a half hearted smile. She left the room and began walking down the hallway with Patrick, her ex of only two months. “Are you seriously pregnant?” She nodded and he huffed. “I can’t fucking believe this, you got over me real quick.” Callan laughed.

“Jesus, Patrick, this isn’t about being over you, because after nearly a year together, that’s next to impossible for me anyway. I’m not over you, don’t even start.”

“You have a weird way of showing it. Who’s the father?”

“Don’t even worry about it.”

“What? Yeah, right. This hurts so much Cal, I wish you could understand.”

“Oh, I understand, I’m hurt too. Don’t act like you’re so innocent in all of this. We only broke up because I had to see pictures of you holding hands with some skank! Like I’m not hurt.”

“Please, you knew it was coming, I told you.”

“I thought it was like every other time you we’re ready to ‘move on!’”

“Well, I ginally found courage to get rid of what was no good for me.” Callan gasped at his statement as they both stopped and looked at each other.

“Fuck you,” she replied, leaving Patrick standing. He shook his head as she walked away…that was a stupid thing to say and he knew he didn’t mean it…

Joe popped his head back into the dressing room, he needed to hear it for himself.

“Shit, Patrick’s pissed.” Pete laughed.

“Well, yeah, you probably would be too.”

“Do you know who the father is?”

“She didn’t tell me, but I can pretty much assume. She told me after the break up that she needed to get away so she went home for a week or something and she probably hung out with her ex before Patrick. So she goes there, comes back and two weeks later: bam. I think it’s a pretty good assumption.”

“I feel awful for Patrick.”

But really, Joe was the only one. Pete can’t claim that he was ever the most faithful kind of guy, but he had changed with his current relationship. Patrick went about breaking up with Callan in totally the wrong way. He avoided it like the plague, thinking if he found someone new, she’d get the hint.

She got the hint, cutting into Joe about how they were supposed to be friends and she deserved to know what he knew about the situation, but smartly, Joe wanted nothing to do with it.

Callan was now speed walking as far away from Patrick as possible. She was so angry! Why would he say that? He used to say she was the best thing to happen to him since…she thought they wre so in love, she couldn’t understand what had happened between them. It didn’t seem fair that they should be at odds like this. She didn’t mean for this to happen, it just did. Moments of weakness usually come back to haunt you and that moment was going to last the rest of her life…

************************

I can't forget it

Won't regret it

I'm still in love with you

AN: Just a short teaser. I'm still working out how this plot is going but i've got stuff in mind. and don't worry, im working on the others too. School is done friday so when I'm not working, thats what I'll be doing I'm sure! ily to all