I miss you

“Imagination is crazy, your whole perspective gets hazy”

Pages 1-4 January 29, 2007

There was something about this place that had him feeling indifferent at first. The moment he arrived he automatically thought maybe he should’ve stayed at home. His heart wasn’t ready for this and his brain was pulsing. The music was just too loud. He looked around for a moment, suddenly realizing how alone he was in the suite crowded to the max with people. The band was in the middle of their set, their energy as high as it could go, feeding off the barely dressed, lucid fans dancing and singing along in front of them. He sighed heavily and began pushing his way through the sweaty partiers going to the open bar on the other side of the room. He glanced at the open space behind the bar, it was quite and desolate with a calm pool glistening in the distance and the space felt intimidating. Even though he realized that no matter where he went he would be alone, he didn’t want to be over there at all feeling like he might disappear into the world and never return. The boy, his shaggy brown hair getting damp from the thick, airless atmosphere, sat down at the bar and asked the nameless bartender for something strong.

The music hadn’t stopped, the people he came with had become part of the hazy blur of the room before him, but his mind kept wondering back to the serene pool. The bartender sat a tumbler of scotch in front of the kid, and he stared at it, bringing it to his nose already feeling it burn before it even began to slide down his throat. He took a sip and sighed, shaking as the alcohol hit his veins. The party before was still going on strong, but the noise and the sights were becoming a blurred mess. The noises were basically numbing his ear drums and all he felt was the bass thump in his chest and a smear of color before him. He still felt unwanted, he still felt out of place.

Knocking back the last drop of scotch in his glass, he stood and stared at the party for a moment, waiting for something to shove him into the party, instead he felt a calm on his back and quickly turned around, peering at the eerie white, hazy calm and the shimmering water that had now turned inviting, not threatening. Silence now echoed deep in his body, he was truly alone now and he smiled a force much larger than he putting one foot in front of the other. Before he knew it he was looking down at his reflection waving at him from below. It wanted to say something to him, but couldn’t find a voice. It was screaming at him from down below the liquid surface but no sound was heard. He began to panic, what had happened to his hearing? Suddenly a noise punctured his hysterical deafness.

“Hey!” he heard a soft voice call from the dark corner on the other side of the room, “don’t jump in!” she cautioned. He shook his head, turning his attention from the dark corner back to the now icy surface. He glanced at his surroundings once more and felt a chill go up his spine. In a moment of pure terror he turned around and tried to run back, back to the party, back to life, but found the rest of the space empty, white and blurry; never ending.

“What…where am I?” he questioned, turning back to the calm voice.

“It’s a good thing you didn’t jump in, you might’ve been lost forever.”

“But aren’t I? What happened to the party? Where is everybody?”

“Gone. They’re all gone. You’ll learn to get used to it, I did.” She seemed to float along the ground as she emerged for her dark, underside of life. Her auburn hair drifted along behind her, the texture looked submerged in water. He lifted his hands and stared at them, noticed how slowly they moved through the air as if treading a denser material. The panic set in once again and he ran back to the pool, which proved to be difficult (he was after all treading a lake of water) and peered inside but his face did not peer back this time. He turned to look at the girl again, she was staring at him blankly, he eyes eerily calm.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, barely above a whisper. He looked up at the ceiling, to see the area above him waving and shaking, tiny waves lapping at the concrete.

“I jumped in,” he sighed, sitting on the nearest chair. The girl knitted her eyebrows together, her eyes still void of feeling.

“Curious. I’ve been here for a long time and never thought I’d jumped in. I can’t swim, you see, but I wanted to be alone so I sat by the pool. I just assumed everyone left me here. I am, honestly, used to that by now.”

He looked at her lovely face, her red hair still curiously buoyant behind her.

“How do we get out?”

“As far as I know, we don’t. How did we get submerged in the first place? To know where you’re going, you have to know where you’ve been,” she replied, her tone oddly calm. He began to worry now, was he really stuck here forever? He stood and walked back to the pool and stuck his hand in the water, still unsure why his reflection was not visible and was surprised by what he felt. It wasn’t more water, but it felt like air. Cool, indoor central air. He pulled his hand out and turned his attention back to the girl, who was serenely floating back to her dark corner.

“Don’t you want to find the way home?” She giggled.

“Home lost me a long time ago. No, I’m happy here on my own, with nothing but endless time to think about place I’ve often wanted to visit, place I have visited. I’m better here, I can be myself.”

“But, don’t you get lonely? Don’t you ever wish you had someone to speak with down here?” She shook her head and smiled softly.

“No. My mind is all I need. Goodbye, stranger,” she finished, finally disappearing, her floating hair the last thing he saw. The boy felt sorry for her, now second guessing his plight to be all alone. To become apart of something, you have to make yourself apart of it, you mustn’t sit around and wait for it to fuse itself to you, in the end.

“Goodbye…” he said, taking a deep breath and sticking his hands into the unreflective surface, followed by his head. An icy chill set over him as he tumbled forward before he felt his feet firmly on the ground. He lifted his hand and felt odd as it sliced through the air with no restriction. He had just gotten used to the water-logged feeling. He looked down and saw his face wave in the water beneath him. He backed up quickly and felt his body slam up against something and turned around quickly to see a girl with auburn hair smile at him serenely, her eyes full of shinning life.

“Have a nice swim?” she asked him. He looked down at his clothes and realized they were soaked, he was chilled to the bone.

“Yes, well I mean, I might’ve.” He looked over his shoulder at the pool, placid as ever, then turned back to the scene before him. The music washed over his damp form and pierced his eardrums with a loud crash. The smog of the party and scent of sweat consumed him. He walked forward, his feet squishing with each step in his shoes. He sat back down at the bar as the girl sat down beside him. She smiled at him once more and he smiled back.

“Have you ever been in that pool before?” he questioned the girl. She nodded.

“I was once, a long time ago. I lost something in there, but I don’t seem to miss it at all.”