I miss you

Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over

Part Three: I’m just off, a lost cause

I confess, I messed up

Dropping I’m sorry like your still around

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Riley ran from the bus back into the venue, knocking frantically on the dressing room door. No one answered for a few minutes and Riley felt awkward, cold and alone. She knocked again, stepping backwards as the door opened. Nick was standing there, and she looked beyond him to see Kevin sleeping on the couch.

“Can I talk to him?”

“That’s probably not the best idea.” She could tell by the look in Nick’s eyes that he knew what happened now and he wasn’t happy with her either.

“Nick, I hope this doesn’t change out friendship…I made a mistake but I don’t want it changing us,” Riley offered. She hated upsetting people and this was no different, in fact it was worse.

“Riley…you’re cool and all but these are my brothers. I can’t pretend like I’m not hurt over what you did. You’re single handedly putting a strain on us and I don’t know what to do to fix anything.”

“Well that’s why I’m here, I want to fix it. I just want to talk to him, Nick.” Nick sighed, looking behind him to Kevin, before turning back to Riley.

“Just…give him another day or two to calm down. I just don’t really think he wants to see you right now.”

“It’s been a week! He won’t at least talk to me?” Riley was getting paranoid now. What had she done to Kevin and his brothers? How did she let this happen? It seemed like a bad dream now, this wasn’t like her at all. “Just let me try at least, please?” Nick shrugged looking back at Kevin again.

“Just don’t tell him I let you in,” he said, opening the door and letting her walk in. Riley reached up and hugged Nick out of impulse. He was being really kind and she was very appreciative.

“Thanks,” he blushed and shrugged again, shutting the door behind him. Riley quietly made her way to the couch, reaching forward and brushing hair out of Kevin’s face.

Kevin felt someone touching him and threw his arm up to swat them away, groaning and rubbing his eyes. He opened his eyes to see Riley, his sleepy mind hadn’t caught up with him yet and he smiled a little. He was dreaming about their first real date, when she kissed him for the first time and he forgot for a moment what had happened.

“Hi,” she said in response to his smile. He sat up slowly and as he did he remembered the last week and crossed his arms in defense.

“How did you get in here?”

“I knocked and no one answered but the door was open, so…how are you?” Kevin shook his head, swinging his feet to the floor, purposely not looking at her. The first time he saw her all he could remember about her was the look in her eyes, he couldn’t look at her right now because he knew the look in her eyes was the same. That same empty adoration for him that at this point he felt was a complete lie.

“How am I? That’s a loaded question, Riley,” he replied.

“I know…I just wanted to talk to you, to clear the air a little. I don’t like what any of this is doing to all of us. I still love you, you know?” Kevin couldn’t believe she just said that, he couldn’t help but to turn and glare at her. Shaking his head again he stood and walked away from her over to the chair he was sitting on earlier. Riley ran her hands through her hair and groaned. “Kevin, I’m not lying!” She was beginning to get desperate.

“You have a funny, funny way of showing that.” Riley sighed and stood walking over to him. She crouched down at the chair beside him, resting her hands on his knees.

“Kev, look at me, please.” He shook his curls out of his face and looked at her. Her eyes were still the same. That look was still there. “I’m so sorry. I…that’s not me, you know that. I just want you to forgive Joe and I. That’s all I’m asking for and if you ever want to try again I’ll be here for you, but right now I just want you to accept how sorry I am.”

“It’s not that easy! This is something that was not only important to me, but Joe and even Nick. This isn’t something that can really be taken lightly and it’s hard for me to forgive either of you. Not only for the promise Joe broke to himself but for the promise you broke to me. A year ago I asked you if you were sure this is what you wanted, if you were sure you could handle being with me but you lied and that’s almost just as bad. Almost.” Riley sat back and hugged her knees, still keeping eye contact with Kevin. She was trying so hard to find a hint of that love he had for her last week, but it wasn’t there, he just looked sad and disappointed.

“I never lied to you. I made a mistake but I never lied. I’ve been with you for a year, I’ve been celibate for you for a year because I love you and you‘re important to me. I don’t even know how it happened. It’s really like a bad dream and I wish against everything that I could change it. Joe…” she trailed off. She wasn’t really sure what she could say about Joe. For it being his first time, he was mind blowing, but she was sure that was the last thing Kevin wanted to hear.

“I really want to forgive you, I really want to pretend like it’s not a big deal but this was SO important to me. SO important and you knew that and that’s why I can’t really forgive you. You betrayed me and my beliefs. I want to go back too, but it’s impossible now. Joe can’t ever get that night back and neither can you. It’s just not going to work for me Riley.” Kevin stood and put his shoes on quickly, leaving Riley sitting on the floor, thinking…

After Riley told him no, Joe was starting to think a little more clearly. This past week had been a cloud of confusion and guilt, but Riley was the only thing that was making sense. He had to keep reminding himself to think about his brother, to think about how this was making Kevin feel and what his parents would say. Everyone would just be so disappointed, he couldn’t handle that feeling. He didn’t know what to say to Kevin to make it better, to make the pain and betrayal lessen. He laid down in his bunk, putting his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling. What made him do it? He’d been asking himself that question all week. He has always found Riley attractive but it was always in a look don’t touch way because she was interested in Kevin, not him. Once they started dated he thought he was able to get passed having a crush on her and just really be her friend and she was the most amazing, dependable friend in the world. But last week something suddenly made it okay in his mind to be more than friends. Neither of them really advanced on the other, it was just a weird planetary alignment or something beyond their control that caused it to happen…

“Riley!” Joe called from the back of the bus. She heard her name from her bunk and climbed out, walking to the back.

AN: Surprised you, no? This happened a few years ago (I mean in the real life timeline, lol). Um…we’ll see what happens next together, cos really I have no clue. Comment please!

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Part Two: We’re going down, down

“I’m checking on Kevin. I want to make sure he’s okay…” Joe replied to Riley. Riley shrugged, keeping her eyes on him. Joe was feeling pressured under her gaze, so he lifted his left hand to brush some hair out of his face. Riley felt a huge pang of guilt when she noticed the always present ring on his left finger had now vanished. What had they done?

“What the fuck makes you think I want anything to do with either of you? I wish the both of you would just disappear. I can’t stand the sight of you two…” Kevin said, coming out the bathroom behind Riley. Riley stood up at the sound of his voice, turning around to face him, standing beside Joe. God, Kevin looked so good tonight she just wanted to hold him, kiss him and tell him how special he was to her. She looked over at Joe who had an immense sorrow in his eyes, a sorrow she knew she was responsible for.

“Kevin, we have to finish sound check,” Joe said with a soft voice. Kevin ripped off his tie and sat back down on the chair.

“Tell them to run a line check later, I don’t feel like going back out there.” Joe nodded and looked at Riley. It was technically her job to do the sound, so she had to inform the crew of the band’s demand. She peered back at Joe momentarily before gazing over at Kevin for another second, then left the room.

Joe was alone now in this room with his big brother. He wanted to say so many things, but Kevin had made it clear he didn’t care to hear them.

“Why are you still there?” Kevin asked, looking up at Joe with eyes burning red. Joe could see the anger bubbling inside of him, he’d never, ever imagined that he would be capable of causing pain like this to anyone. Especially family.

“Kevin, I want you to hear how SORRY I am! How much I was I could change it and turn back time. I’M SORRY!” Joe said, tossing his hands in the air out of pure frustration.

“You should’ve thought about all that BEFORE YOU FUCKED MY GIRLFRIEND!” Kevin yelled. Joe had to take a step backward. Hearing Kevin actually say it out loud for the first time was a rude awakening, it felt like Kevin was punching him in the stomach completely knocking the wind from his lungs. What he did had always been a pure fact, but this suddenly made it real. Joe looked at his bare left hand, recoiling in near horror over the promise he had made to himself and had now broken. “You’re words mean nothing to me! GET OUT!”

“Kev…” Joe tried, but couldn’t think of words anymore. Kevin was right, words were completely useless. He shook his head and left the room, walking hastily out of the venue and back to the bus. He went without any security which he knew was a stupid idea but he had to get away from people. He found himself now envying people who had nothing on their minds. He hated this feeling of having something real to think about, of having a regret to deal with…

Taking his shoes off and tossing them aside, Kevin let his chest heave in the hate that must have been radiating off of him. He hated Joe, it was true. He hated him, he was backstabbing and two faced and he obviously didn’t love Kevin or he wouldn’t have done this. He wouldn’t have gone after the single most important person in his life. The door opened and Kevin looked up to see Nick enter, holding his hands up in question.

“Can you please fill me in on what the hell is going on?” Kevin looked down at his feet.

“It’s…stupid. I promise,” he replied. Nick sat down on the back of the couch and crossed his arms.

“Dude, you are the most chill person in the world. You’re pissed and I can tell something is terribly wrong. Come on man, what are brothers for?”

“Stabbing you in the back?” Kevin answered, looking Nick right in the eyes. Nick squinted at his comment.

“What?” Kevin sighed, looking down once more. He wasn’t sure at this point that trusting anyone was even possible because if you can’t trust family…who can you trust? He looked back up, noting the genuine concern in Nick’s eyes.

“Fine…Joe slept with Riley,” he didn’t look away from Nick, he wanted to see the anger and support come into his eyes, but…it didn‘t.

“Can’t say I’m surprised.”

“What?!” Kevin stood up quickly.

“Dude, I’m only saying. The past few months they’ve been…” he saw the hurt spreading across Kevin’s eyes as he sat down in shock. “You were really that blinded by your love for her?” Kevin felt his stomach flip over again, wanting to puke more. This was making him ill. Worse than ill. He wasn’t even sure he could perform tonight.

“I…please leave me alone, Nick.” Looking at him a second longer, Nick nodded and quietly left Kevin alone with his thoughts…

Riley couldn’t help it. She was nosy about what Joe and Kevin could possibly talk about, so after she let everyone know they were going to line check later, she snuck back over to the dressing room door, leaning in to hear, but all she could make out was mumbling and the word sorry. She sighed heavily, noticing Nick out of the corner of her eye. She gave him a weak smile before leaning off the door, about to walk away when Kevin yelled “BEFORE YOU FUCKED MY GIRLFRIEND.” She did a double take at the door before throwing her hand over her mouth and leaving the venue for the bus. She was feeling nauseous and dizzy and needed to lie down. Maybe kill herself? She hadn’t decided…

Joe let his head fall back against the wall, closing his eyes as her lips slid across his neck. He ran the palms of his hands over her shoulders and down her arms. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this turned on, or even if he had ever been this turned on before, but his mind was reeling. His heart was thumping slightly out of immediate remorse over what was coming, but he found that he was caring less and less about the consequences. He pushed Riley backwards until the back of her knees collided with the couch, causing her to fall down with Joe on top. He smiled at her before pushing her chin up gently, laying butterfly kisses along her collar bone, gently running his fingers up and down her torso, tickling her in the most seductive way. Riley was squirming beneath him, gasping, feeling the wetness form in her panties…

Riley awoke with a start, hearing a door slam nearby. She sat up quickly, glancing at her watch. She had only been asleep for about ten minutes, which seemed like forever. Rolling over, she hopped down from her bunk to see who had come in to lie down. She looked at all the bunks before seeing Joe’s curtain shut tight with the dim light reflecting his shadow. Riley sighed. She hated what was happening between her and Kevin but she was longing for Joe. It had only been a week but she wanted him again. Kevin was never going to forgive her now, what more could she lose? …besides her job…and her reputation… She reached up and climbed to his bunk before knocking on the wall.

“Joe? What are you doing?” she asked, trying to sound nonchalant. The light flicked off suddenly and he held the curtain open enough for her to crawl in. Smiling slightly, Riley got in beside him in the tight space, pulling her knees to her chest, resting her chin there. She looked at Joe through the darkness. She couldn’t really see him but she could feel the heat from his body and hear the sound of his breath.

Joe didn’t really want to break the silence, he didn’t want to have sex again and he didn’t want to get caught again but he wanted to hold Riley. He really just wanted to pull her to his chest and lie down together, forgetting about all the troubles that lay just beyond the heavily graffitied bus walls. He leaned forward and slid his hands along the mattress until he felt his fingers graze her covered toes and he continued his hands’ journey up her shins and to her knees where he felt her cheek. Riley closed her eyes while she let Joe’s fingers gently touch her face. She reached her left hand up and grabbed his hands, pulling them both to her, palm’s down, leaning in to kiss his fingers. Joe pulled his legs out of sitting position and crawled closer to her, leaning in to find her lips. He couldn’t help it, it was like déjà vu. Kissing her got him in trouble last time and his resolve was weakening by the second.

Riley felt her blood begin to race around her veins, her breath shaking. Somewhere inside of her something was telling her to stop. ‘Kevin is going to come around, he’s going to forgive you’ but a larger part of her knew entertaining that was wrong because she should never be allowed to go back to him, not after what she did, not after what she was now continuing to do. Kevin deserved more.

Joe, however, was here. His lips were gently meshing with hers as he let his tongue slowly slide across her teeth, parting her mouth just enough that their tongues could touch. Riley moaned softly, Joe’s kisses were more passionate than she could have ever dreamed. He pressed her backwards and she rested her back against the wall as Joe attempted to move himself between her legs. She let him so she could wrap her legs around him. His kissing got deeper and deeper before both of them were on the edge of losing control. He ran his hand up her inner right thigh, trailing his fingers upward to the waistline of her jeans. Riley’s eyes flew open. Was she really going to make the same mistake twice? Was she mad?

“Joe…” she said, his kisses stifling her ability to talk. She reached up and press him backwards and he broke away, falling back and landing on his ass. They peered at each other through the darkness again. Joe was panting slightly, his jeans had suddenly become even tighter and he was completely uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry,” he replied, running his fingers through his hair.

“Don’t be sorry. You just know this is wrong, I can’t have sex with you again, it isn’t right.” She wasn’t over Kevin, she would only be fooling herself if she thought that. You can’t just throw a year of working at a relationship out the window, no matter how good sex with his brother was…

Synopsis: Riley made a mistake and broke Kevin's heart. Unfortunately, the mistake was made with Kevin's brother Joe. Is forgiveness even an option?

AN: So hey guys. Um...i know I prob shouldn't start a new story cos I still have FOUR not finished, however, i wanted to. lol. This one is about Jonas Brothers, so if you're like "oh god, no." You don't have to read it lol. I wouldn't expect you to. But if you like my writing, maybe the point of who its about its completely mute. So you might notice that this story is pretty PG, but thats cos the other place i'm posting it has strict rules about sexual content and swearing and shit so it will seem tame, but thats what Papercut and its Pedaphile storyline is for, huh? lol, enjoy if you wish! LEAVE COMMENTS!!!!!!

“Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over”

Part 1: Eighteen Going on Extinct

Joe Jonas scraped at the advertisement stickers on his laptop, thinking to himself about the past week. He didn’t mean for it to happen, in fact, he would have preferred that it didn’t. But now it was too late to change it, too late to go back. He found himself wishing Superman was real so he could ask him to run around the world a few times in order for time to skip backwards. He wasn’t even sure he could face his brother today, he felt so foolish. He hurt Kevin in the most unimaginable way, he hurt himself in a way he never thought possible. He thought he believed in will power and in the force of faith, but he was questioning everything now. The bus went over a bump in the road, knocking Joe out of his trance just in time to see Kevin approaching the back room. Joe felt his face go red as he diverted his eyes from Kevin’s, looking back down and the half peeled sticker leaving sticky gunk in it’s partial removal.

“I need my sweatshirt, you’re sitting on it,” Kevin said, his tone void of any kind of emotion. He sounded neither mad or sad, he just sounded empty. Joe stood and let Kevin pull his shirt away before leaving the area, shutting the door behind him with a little more force then necessary.

Upon seeing Joe, Kevin felt the bile rise in his throat again. He thought the one person in the world he could trust with his brother, someone who he thought he knew well. It turned out that he didn’t know Joe at all. Joe would never do something like this. He made his way down the hall, passed the bunks and into the common area where Nick was sitting at the small table. He sat down on the bigger couch and crossed his arms, staring at the large, blank TV across from him. Nick stopped typing for a moment to look at Kevin. He had noticed that ever since last night when he caught Kevin yelling at Joe that both of them had been acting different. Joe wasn’t his usual crazy self and Kevin hadn’t smiled all day.

“Kev, you want to talk about it?” Kevin just shook his head, he still felt like throwing up, in fact, he should throw up all over Joe just because he could. He wanted to make Joe feel at least half as humiliated as he did.

It was weird having to completely rearrange his life again, having to remove all those pictures from his hard drive and delete them from his phone. It was weird having a broken heart. Kevin never understood why someone would say they felt like a broken heart was like a disease, but now he did. He literally felt like he was slowing dying from the inside out. He had never known pain like this before and it was only magnified ten fold by the fact that part of the pain was inflicted upon him by his own brother…

Riley paced around backstage, anticipating the moment the boys would be coming in to do their sound check. She looked awful today but she didn’t really mind, she wanted everyone to see how she felt; her puffy, tired eyes, her tear stained face. She wanted everyone to feel sorry for her, even though that was the last thing anyone should feel for her today. She was completely humiliated and broken. Kevin was the perfect man. He never let her down, he never made her feel like anything less than a princess, and he loved her in way that was so pure and honest, the only thing for her to do was to mess it all up. Every time something good happened in her life there seemed to be an instinct inside of her that had to ruin it. Everything she touched turned to crap. She was currently contemplating on whether or not she should quit her job. It was almost impossible now for her to continue on this tour, for her to keep up the charade. Kevin most likely wanted nothing to do with her and looking at Joe just made her want to cry again. She was so stupid, so foolish.

In a huff of emotion, she pulled her hair tie from around her wrist and tossed her shiny light brown hair up in a messy knot. She put her left hand on her hip and began biting her nails on her right hand as she saw Kevin, Joe and Nick approaching in the distance with Big Rob and their parents in tow. She furrowed her eyebrows as she noticed how quickly Kevin was walking in front of Joe, and how Joe was practically dragging his feet, looking down at the ground. No one looked happy, she hated knowing that she was to blame for this awkward display. People were going to know something was fishy between her and Kevin because he didn’t even look at her, he wouldn’t even say hi.

They all gathered in front of her with their band and walked out on stage. Kevin leaned in to test his mic and his voice sounded so tired, like he hadn’t slept in days and Joe was just lifeless, a sight that no one had ever seen before. Joe was always the happy, eccentric member of the touring entourage but today he wasn’t himself. Riley walked over to her sound board, preparing to do her job when Kevin let out a loud, exasperated noise and stormed off stage, breezing passed everyone, leaving Joe looking perplexed and hurt at stage right. Riley and everyone around her were startled. Kevin was never angry and he never walked out on his job like this. Her boss was about to follow him but Riley put her hand on his shoulder and said she would go see what was wrong. She didn’t want people thinking any more that something was wrong with her and Kevin. She didn’t want to be the person on which everyone placed blame.

She opened the door to the room marked “Jonas Brothers” carefully, sticking her head in and seeing Kevin sitting on a chair with his legs pulled up to her chest, staring mindlessly into the air.

“Kevin…?” she said cautiously, approaching him. He didn’t turn to look at her, he wanted her to disappear and he thought if he ignored her she’d get the hint, but instead she sat down beside him, looking at him. “Kevin, if you would just talk to me…”

“Talk? You want to talk? You know…you’re as bad as him. Just leave me the hell alone!” He replied, standing up and walking away from her. Riley pouted, she didn’t want to cry anymore, but it was painful to not have Kevin trust her anymore, to not confide in her. She threw away the best year of her life over one night. She was about to leave when the door opened and Joe walked in.

He wasn’t expecting to see her here, in fact, she was the last person he expected to see anywhere near Kevin. He felt himself blush, the embarrassment and the shame was still there, it was etched into his very heart. He was never going to forgive her, or forgive himself for what he let happen. He wished he was someone else, he wished he was the one looking at this crazy situation from the outside, he didn’t like being a part of it. Riley’s piercing green eyes were boring holes into him as he stood there, he wished he could shake them off, but they were practically apart of him now.

“Why are you here?” he managed to ask her.

“I was about to ask you the same thing…”

**********************So now you’re waiting up for him…

EDIT:I can haz bannerz? Um...its a sucky one, i'll try and make a better one later.